scmountaingirl

Aggressive Spring

2011-06-01T06:32:00.000-07:00

This time of year is always so crazy because there is so much going on with the kids schedule. Every extracurricular thing wraps up. The school crams in a bunch of field trips. Kevin takes off for a week for work. I take off for a weekend to meet my girlfriends. All the rained out Little League games need to be made up. And then the twins have their birthday right around the last day of school. No wonder I'm a stress monkey.

No wonder M is acting up.... hmmm.

Her aggression has really taken off. If there's something she doesn't want to do and we try to get her to do it, she just immediately goes for the hair pull, or scratching, or biting. She lays on the floor and kicks. And these things I can take in stride and work with (through many hours of parent training, and many more to come) when I don't have to get her out the door somewhere -right now -, or we're out in public. Ugh. I hope it's just a phase. She's not talking yet and this creates much frustration for her. She's really good now at letting us know what she wants. She comes and gets us when she realizes she needs something. She's also too good at getting things herself, so we're constantly training her to not grab, but point. But she can be so impatient sometimes that if you're not completely "ON" and paying attention to her... anticipating what she's going to do, then she takes advantage, which is very reinforcing. It's exhausting.

Somehow the aggression is being reinforced too... and we're scratching our heads. She doesn't get away with anything as a result of being aggressive. But there's always the battle to get her pants on, or keep the shirt on, or to hold our hand. The therapists see the aggression a lot during her sessions because when she decides she doesn't want to work they have to continue the work by doing the hand over hand actions. Sometimes she's passive aggressive and sits there like a ragdoll. Sometimes it ends up being a brawl. They are constantly changing their tactics to see what will work best with her. And she constantly changes too... she used to cry to get out of working. Now she goes for the hair pull.

I consider what it would be like if we just relaxed a little with the therapy.... but then I remember what she was like when we started. She was completely shut down. Her eyes closed to avoid anything too stimulating. She couldn't track. She wasn't listening. She would not imitate. Absolutely no attention for anything. And if you tried to sit her down and play with a toy she would cry and squirm away. You couldn't teach her anything. She would still be like this if we didn't push her through the hard parts. It was hard on all of us. Now see where she is... She's imitating. She's paying attention. Her listening and receptive language is great. She values toys and will play with them, almost appropriately. She enjoys watching us play with her toys. She will sit at the table with me and do little tasks that I ask her to do (I've been working on fine motor skills). Her attention span, while not great, is so much better. I think the ABA therapy has given her these gains because I certainly haven't. And she was perfectly content in the beginning to hide out with the shoe basket sucking on shoe laces or fingering plastic bags.

The ABA director is constantly changing her program to maximize what works for her and to make sure she continues learning. Sometimes they push hard, and then they have to back off. She is getting lots of exercise breaks. She has play time on the floor and work time at the table. She comes downstairs and does work around the house, outside and even some play time outside. They are trying to teach her how to ask for a break by using a 'break' card between each work period.

My job is to keep her fed. Most of her outbreaks are when she's hungry. She goes ballistic if she's being asked to do something she doesn't want to do and it's right before meal time. It makes me wonder if some survival instinct is being triggered and her ability to fight increases because she's unconsciously reminded of not having her hunger needs met when she was in the orphanage. It's like she's fighting to stay alive.

It's tough... we try to meet her needs the best we can. And yet, we can't reinforce the behavior when it occurring because that would just strengthen it. Not the usual parenting. At. All.

Symbolic Play

2011-04-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

M's symbolic play is really picking up.

She loves her dollhouse with the furniture. Yesterday at speech M brought some little people figures with her and her therapist brought out a chair. M put them in the chair and pushed them up to a little table. Then the therapist handed her a tiny plastic piece of cake and M fed the people cake. Then she held it up to the therapist's mouth... then she held it up to herown mouth (never putting it in her mouth). I was blown away. She had a smile on her face the whole time...

As her ABA therapist noted yesterday, M is playing with her toys more and more appropriately, and she's taking pleasure from it. It's not a mechanical response.

This morning she's running around the house with the little plastic play knives from the kitchen (sounds bad, right? They're really dull and small). But she was trying to cut things ("No... not the table. No... not the cabinets.) I was cutting onions so I had her cut onions with me. She loved it. I guess she sees me chopping food for her all the time.

Yesterday we had a train video on for her... then she disappeared and ran upstairs and started messing with C's lego trains. I brought out the Brio trains this morning and while she doesn't have the patience to just sit and watch them go around the track she couldn't leave themcalone and worked well for them during her ABA session.

She's pushing cars, putting people in the cars, and running figures down her bath toy slide.

It feels like she's starting to catch up. Can I let out a big sigh? There are still moments when she's spacy or not listening. There are moments when she's tantrumming and being aggressive because she wants her own way. And there's the whole speech issue where she's not saying a whole lot. But a small step in one area gives me hope that she'll be making small steps in all areas eventually.

All of 5 minutes

2011-04-18T11:24:00.001-07:00

I've left myself only 5 minutes today to blog, so quickly...

M was playing with K's dollhouse with all it's pieces and parts... we are seeing symbolic play!

M is beginning to act shy when she is around adults she doesn't see often. Now that's a huge social step.

What IS it? Part 2

2011-04-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

I'm practically jumping out of my skin!

This morning M's ABA case director came to the house to observe some of M's difficult behaviors. M qualified for continuing help through our regional center for additional treatment for "challenging" behaviors. These are classified as behaviors that cause harm to herself or others, or harm to property. For example, running off in parking lots or the street, biting, or putting inappropriate objects in her mouth. Our program addresses these behaviors already but now we have extra dollars being contributed that will help take the stress off our own pocketbook.

For two hours I tried to stress M out so that she would have a tantrum and show frustration with me. M was in such a good mood I couldn't incite anything but a whine! I had her performing all her dog and pony tricks.... nothing. The only thing I could visibly show was her putting stuff in her mouth outside. Occasionally she would pat a little too hard for some attention or put her mouth on the case director. I even took away balloons, gummy bears, fruit rollups... she gave them all up without a fuss.

What was truly amazing was that Kat was threading large beads on a string. She was putting small rings on a tippy pole/base. She was building a conic puzzle. I whispered to her to go get her baby for the stroller and she ran to the back of the house, found the baby and ran it back out for us, putting it on the table. This blew away our case director. She said that was "huge!" I think M's program is going to get some new changes because M is beginning to follow multi-step instructions which involve items that she has to search for far away.

Now the clincher... we were outside walking around, giving M the opportunity to run into the street, get messed up in the creek or eat nature. We succeeded in the nature eating part. But the case director said to me that she and the head director of M's program were both discussing M and they both agreed that they didn't think she had classic autism. M was just too social. Most of M's behaviors were attention-driven and this doesn't happen with kids with classic autism. She's too aware of her environment and when things (like her nose running) bother her.

What an unbelievably awesome thing to hear this morning. I can't express the rush of hope that I have coursing through my soul. Yes, M hasn't changed. She still the same challenging little girl. But to have that monkey off my back is ... is... a long overdue relief.

I'll be spending the day trying not to cry.

Wednesday

2011-03-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

After hearing from the speech therapist that she thinks that M definitely has speech apraxia I did some poking around to see what more I can do to help with it. From the little bit of reading I did it appears that the treatment for it is varied and that there is no data-based clinical approach to it. I was surprised at this since with autism the ABA therapy has been statistically proven to make an improved difference. I did read that kids with apraxia should be getting speech therapy 3-5 times/week. We are at 2x/week plus what she gets in her ABA therapy. I'll have to check with the speech therapist to see if that's enough. We are missing speech this week because the incredible rains we have had in the past week caused flooding in the town where her office is and they are mopping up the mess.

It has finally stopped raining but that still hasn't stopped the power from going out. Our road had two good-sized slides blocking us in and pulling the power lines down both times. Since the last cleanup we have lost power again twice.

With the rainy weather and sitting in this coffee shop enjoying the scones, bagels and breads I am starting to accumulate the fruits of my eating without the time to burn it off. I have to increase my activity level. I assumed that chasing M around would be enough to keep me trim but I've been hungrier than usual lately. Maybe because it's spring? K has been eating like crazy too. She joined a running group a few weeks ago and I think the increase in exercise for her from nothing to 4 days/week has her growing and eating. It's good to see because she's on the smaller side and she doesn't eat much. She's almost 10 now and yesterday she said, "I don't understand why sometimes I feel so angry and frustrated for no reason." It really seems like it's too early for those hormones to start kicking in but I wonder. No physical signs yet, thankfully. But K has been complaining that it seems like C is growing up and leaving her behind. He won't talk to her and isn't interested in playing with her like they used to. Then it occurred to me, when K said that C answers her with grunts and groans when she tries to have a conversation, that it wasn't C that was growing up. It was K. She's starting to mature faster than her brother... to even be so aware of them drifting apart and to comment on it. It makes me a bit sad to see my babies growing up but it's a good thing. I just need to remember to stay in the moment so I can enjoy them as much as I can.

Which is hard when the challenges M faces weigh on me every day. Maybe I just worry too much. I try to reckon with God about this whole process by thinking, "We're doing everything for M that we can. M seems smart. M must have some miracles waiting ahead or some grand purpose for her life that we are contributing to." And then I realize how selfish that is... it's still about me. I'm sure God is shaking his head and saying, "What if I have nothing grand planned for M? What if I just need you to love her and take care of her? Can't that be enough?" Yeah, I suppose. But it's difficult. And when life is difficult I think we all look for some greater meaning to help us get through it.

Another friend who adopted her two children from Russia said to me, "You can't compare M to any other kids to measure her progress. You have to only measure her progress with respect to her own gains." Or something like that. If I think about it that way I'm pretty content that we are on a good path because she makes progress daily, albeit slowly. But when I think about it, she is imitating now. Her biggest hindrances at this point are 1) she can't communicate w/ us and 2) she's not paying attention much of the time. I'm trying another thing... the enzymes have helped us the past two months with regard to her attending and giving us some freedom with her diet. I just read that EFA (fish oil, Omega fatty acids, etc.) supplements are helpful for people with speech apraxia. Gets the brain functioning. So I'm trying that and have heard more attempted sounds lately.

Anecdotal, of course.

Speech Apraxia

2011-03-23T11:18:00.000-07:00

In February I started taking M to speech therapy twice a week for an hour at a time. She can't sit still so she has to sit in a little high-chair type contraption so that the speech therapist can keep her attention. The speech therapy is mixed with a lot of different activities including oral and motor stimulation, pretend play, turn-taking, motor and vocal imitation. The speech therapist also tries some sensory things like using weighted vests and one time M had to sit inside a blow-up peapod that looked like an inflatable canoe for babies. It was quite appropriate because it was the morning of the tsunami and therapy is down by the coast. I had to drive through road blocks to get to it... but I was determined. She needed that therapy!

As the months have passed it has become apparent to me that as M has made sounds for items, or just randomly, that she understands that vocalizing for objects is necessary however she is unable to put the right sounds together for whatever she is requesting or referring to. For several months everything was "buh". Her current sound-du-jour is "ohhh". She is capable of making the correct sounds on a random basis. She just can't put those sounds together when we ask her to or even when she knows she wants something.

The speech therapist said that this is speech apraxia, a neurological problem where words or even correct sounds can't be put together when needed for speech. M also has poor muscle control and tone in her mouth and is learning to form her lips and move her tongue to make the sounds she needs to make. I don't fully understand the treatment for speech apraxia so I expect I'll be spending some time on the internet researching it. Has anyone else had any experience with this?

A Little More on Attachment

2011-03-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

I feel like I had to cut the previous post short due to time, but at least these coffee shop posts are coming out.

Things that have helped with attachment with M:

The "Beyond Consequences" book and reading FB posts from Heather Forbes.
Skin to skin contact.
Singing. M loves to be sung to.
Patience.
Remembering that it's my job to help M understand that she is safe.
Tickling.
Encouraging her to acknowledge when she's physically hurt and reminding her, "Yes, it hurts. I know it hurts. Let me kiss it to make it feel better."
Positive reinforcement, over and over again.
Picking her up when she asks with arms up.
Talking to my friends who have also adopted kids internationally.

Things that have troubled me during our process:

The philosophy of ABA is based upon positive reinforcement, but there are times when M just can't rally to do the work and they pretty much continue working her until she responds, at which point she receives lots of praise. I have tried to educate the team about the stress/fear model and also give constant reminders of M's background but they are firm in their methodologies.

Wondering if her lack of eye contact is a post-institutional problem or autism, or both. ABA therapy treats this as an autism problem and works on establishing more and more eye contact through positive reinforcement. So the corrections are all behavioral and not rooted in any emotional-psychological way. (Does that make sense?)

My lack of patience, at times. I am surprised at the challenges of mothering this child who is so different from the other two. I am not the mother I thought I was. M is making me better, though.

I have to wrap this up now because my battery is dying and M's nearly done with school.

For more information on attachment, Lauri has a great post on March 10th, 2011 titled "You've come a long way Baby."

Attachment - A long process

2011-03-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

It seems like with M we have passed through many phases of attachment. When she first came home we went through a honeymoon period where we were very happy together, and happy to get to know each other. But during that time she was recovering from the traumatic process of being uprooted from the orphanage, familiar people and routines. She was thrown directly into our busy lives and was hauled around in the car to pick up the kids from school, or to the sidelines of a soccer game, or on one of our weekend adventures. She was amazingly accepting of all this activity. She likes to go places in the car and she enjoys being in new places and exploring. But what she didn't like was being home and taking naps. Going to sleep at night was easy, but when the molars were coming in we had some tough nights where it was hard to get her to go back to bed. One of the things that we didn't do (with any of our children) was have them sleep in our bed on a regular basis. With twins there was just no room for all four of us. Maybe we should have let M sleep with us. We even tried a few times, but if she came to our bed she would wiggle and suck her thumb all night, not sleeping, and keeping us up. It may have sped along our attachment to have her near us when sleeping, but we don't know that. We only know that none of were getting any sleep.

After just a few months Kevin was getting kisses from her, once in a while. Kevin was in love with M from the day he saw her picture. So their relationship from the beginning was strong. I also think that Kevin was just a little less sensitive to the whole touchy-feeling process of it all, so it was easier for him to bond with M and to let her bond with him. She was never afraid of him as you hear some orphans are nervous around men.

After M had been home for 6 months I was going through the pains of wondering why I didn't have this great bond with her and beating myself up about it. She was drawing away from me because she had just been through a series of really nasty colds where I had to use the nasal syringe regularly, administer bad tasting medicine, and then even apply an inhaler with a mask. I was her least favorite person. She was withdrawing from all of us at this point (although less from Kevin because he was the 'fun' dad). At that time it may have been regressive autism beginning, or her defense mechanisms setting in and shutting her down, or both.

A few months later when ABA started, she screamed the first 2 weeks. She needed me. She used me as her comfort and escape from these strangers coming everyday and spending time alone with her, trying to build rapport. At this point I felt like I had made some progress in her heart. She may not love me but she realized that she needed me.

After being home for about 15 months I think we hit a low point, M and I. She was so attached to Kevin and she was very tired of me. I must have been the caregiver that just wouldn't go away. Kevin was spending a lot of close time with her, getting her up in the morning and putting her to bed every night. I let him because I was drained from the effort I had to put into each day. In mid-December 2009 I went to Arizona for a few days when my father passed away and Kevin's mother came to watch M while I was gone. When I returned, M was actually happy to see me! It took her a couple minutes to realize who I was and that I was home, and then she was very excited. That was a much needed change, plus the few days of respite for me were good.

2010 was a great building year for our attachment with each other. It has been such hard work because M's delays contributed to her social detachedness and made connecting with her much more difficult. By May I finally felt like we had something going. And that was about a year and a half after we had adopted her! Certainly not how long I would have expected. And it was just a spark.

In September we began the whole IEP process with the school district in our town because M was turning 3 and would no longer qualify for the early intervention services she was receiving. The whole IEP process and dealing with our school district is another post altogether, but suffice it to say, the district proposed that M go to a county program for kids with autism. It was a full-day 5 days/week program with changing therapists every 15 minutes. People would come and go in the program depending on their staffing needs each month. Despite the fact that the facility reminded me of an orphanage, one of my main reasons for not sending M there was because of how tenuous our attachment was. It had taken 18 months to feel like she needed me. And even that was tenuous, because she would experience setbacks in her trust levels with us. I wasn't about to let her leave the home full-time (especially to a poorly managed program) and have so many different people come and go throughout her day that she couldn't establish trust and a relationship with. Our disagreement with the school district is ongoing because they don't understand this. They have no idea what to do with a post-institutionalized child.

I am so glad that I held out because M is now showing me spontaneous affection and it is absolutely WONDERFUL! In the past few weeks she has been hugging me because she wants to, and really holding on. She has been giving me kisses and touching my face. It's the most wonderful thing in the world.

It's only taken 2 and a half years.

And we're still working on it.

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What IS it?

2011-03-07T10:59:00.000-08:00

This weekend we had dinner over at our friends' house. Their son is a year older than C and K and was also adopted from Russia when he was about a year old. Now that the years have passed, the difference in age (although only a year) has disappeared and he and the twins really enjoy spending time together. His mom, HM, is one of my closest friends and has been a major support to me through M's adoption and time home. I love her because every time I sit down to vent about some funky thing that M is doing she says, "Vladdie did that" or "That sounds a lot like Vlad at that age." This gives me great comfort because Vlad, although still experiencing some challenges with regard to his first year in an orphanage, is doing spectacularly. I credit HM and her husband because they are amazing parents: patient, kind, and continually going the extra mile to make sure that Vlad gets all the help that he needs. They are great role models. I am blessed to have them in our lives.

So, one example of commonality that M is going through right now is her sensitivity to certain clothes. She gets used to certain clothes and then when you try to get her into something different we have a battle, then she screams like she's dying, then about 10 minutes later (if you can keep her from ripping the clothes off) she forgets about what she's wearing and she's fine. (That's because I'm a stubborn $%^&*... uh mama.) HM said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Oh yeah, we hated the season changes because Vlad would freak out. When we put him in shorts he would scream, 'My legs are showing! My legs are showing!'" Well, that's M, yanking down her leggings to make sure that no skin is showing. Yanking on her short sleeves because, dammit, they should be down to her wrists. Sometimes I give in, when we just need to make forward progress through the day. Other times when I'm not so pressed for time I help her work through it. I'm going to have to save some time to get her into that Easter dress I just ordered for her.

Another example is that she's hyperactive. Vlad was in constant motion too. When M is feeling good (i.e. not sick) she's in constant motion. Running through the house, hopping up and down, sometimes beating her chest. She is a sensory-seeker. She likes to put stuff in her mouth, particularly her thumb. The pica (mouthing objects ) has thankfully slowed down. Sand and dirt-eating has pretty stopped as of last year. Putting grass and leaves in her mouth is still a problem although it's not as severe. It's interesting because she likes foods that have a lot of flavor. Olives, grapefruit, bacon, pickles, salad dressing. And she likes crunchy food. She'll eat potato chips but hates potatoes otherwise... too soft or perhaps too familiar to that mashed potato soup she would get everyday for lunch in the orphanage.

So what should I think? I think it's encouraging to hear that Vlad experienced many of the things that M is experiencing now, and that he came through them to be a successful, happy boy doing well in school, sports and forming friendships. I think M has some deeper learning issues that he probably didn't experience. And now, after 2 years of ABA, I am at the point of wondering if her issues are just institutional autism+learning disabilities or if she truly did have classic autism. I don't know if I trust the experts' diagnosis because autism can be a convenient catch-all, especially for those unfamiliar with post-institutionalized children. On the other hand, maybe it's a sign of great progress for M that I am even asking these questions. Maybe, just maybe, it means that she is 'recovering' from her autism. I'm not sure. I'm just happy that she is becoming a more engaged and loving little girl!

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Dark Days Behind

2011-03-02T10:55:00.000-08:00

I just reread the past two posts and a few things come to mind. First, I'm happy that I it hasn't been a whole year since my last post. Second, my writing has suffered terribly over the past 10 month hiatus because I've only been making FB posts. And third, the past two years were really hard. Those two posts were pretty dark.

M is 3 and a half now. She just recently started preschool and is attending at the school right next door to this coffee shop where I sit for the next half hour. If I buy a cup of coffee then I get 47 free minutes of WIFI. I thought, why not get that blog dusted off?

My reasons are partly selfish in this. I need to reconnect with the international adoption community because there are issues that I don't fully understand with M that I'm hopeful others can help with. I've been trying to find some kind of intersection between the autism and adoption communities and I have found none. It's been a very lonely place to be the past couple of years where I feel like we've been charting the waters alone. I don't expect that will get any easier, but maybe it will. And then maybe there are others experiencing some similar issues to what we've been going through that I can help with.

That said, M is making good progress. She has been receiving ABA therapy for almost 2 years now and while she still has a long way to go to get caught up to her peers, I think she's closing the gap. What I see as her main challenges now are that she is still unable to talk and she is unable to focus on things for more than a few seconds which makes it very difficult for her to learn from others. Imitation is coming along, but her memory is short so learning involves a fair amount of repetition for her. From her listening and responsiveness, her sense of humor and her mischievous nature I believe that she's intelligent, I just think that something is preventing her from learning in the traditional way that little kids do. Her hyperactivity has been increasing the past few months which makes me wonder if she's got a severe case of ADHD. I know she has sensory processing issues, because she can't stop moving and bouncing. We recently started speech therapy with her and I'm really happy that I did. I also feel a little guilty that I didn't start it earlier, however, my thoughts were that she wasn't even paying attention or imitating enough to get anything out of it. A lot of her speech therapy is simply more imitation and organized play. The goal of the speech therapist is to get some organization going in that muddled brain of hers.

We also started preschool last month at a Montessori preschool. I'm very excited about this because M has been sequestered in our house getting hours of ABA therapy, leaving her no time to be with her peers. So now she is learning to sit through circle time and sharing a couple of hours of week with other little ones, playing outside and doing simple activities in the classroom. She goes with one of here ABA therapists, which is a great thing, otherwise M would be into everything. Did I ever mention that she is a wild one? That's one of the reasons I haven't been able to get the time to sit down and write.

Half hour's up. Gotta go.

Some honest blogging

2010-04-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine is starting a new blog: The Honest Mom Blog. Her writing is witty and engagingly honest. Please send some page hits over her way.

On the home front, with all the turmoil brewing due to the recent returned adoptee story, I feel the writing juices starting to flow, even to just explain how our adoption hasn't been all peas and peaches. I don't have the time at the moment, but I hope that very soon I can get something out here in the bit bucket. Suffice it to say, our journey hasn't been easy, and while I believe that Artyom's adoptive mother acted wrongly, I sympathize with her and the despair she must have felt as she became so overwhelmed that she made that very regrettable decision. I have felt despair too. And I knew, thank God, that when that 6 month point came around, that we would be going through some of the hardest times ever. At six months I was wondering why M and I weren't bonding, why didn't I have this amazing love for my newest daughter yet, why was she avoiding us and not making eye contact? Why would she squirm and struggle to get away if we tried to engage her or teach her something? Only one month later we were told she might have autism. Now that was a healthy dose of despair.

That was a year ago. But I had decided that despite whether I felt like I loved her, I WOULD love her. And finally, just in the past two weeks, she's been giving us real hold-on tight hugs. It only took one and a half years! So our bonding has been an ongoing, very slow process. None of this love at first sight business for us.

Hang in there if you're having a tough time. Some of the adoption stories are hard to read and not everyone has a happy ending. But you have to have hope. And one of the best things you can do is keep a journal and write down the positive progress. It doesn't even have to be every day. But that's what got me through that really low period. That, and margaritas with my good friend V.

I guess I did have a few words in me tonight.

Love Monday

2009-12-14T10:54:00.000-08:00

I love Mondays.

After a long week and busy weekend, on Monday morning M's interventionist shows up at the door with a smile and a big bin of toys, ready to spend the next two hours working with M.

The weekends are hard because M has no structure to her days. We are tired from the activities going on and when M gets tired she is uncooperative and unresponsive. It's difficult to spend the intensity of time with her that she requires because the twins needs attention too. By the end of the weekend I am drained and anxious for Monday.

They call themselves behavioral interventionists. I suppose this is the most accurate term, but try explaining this to someone who doesn't have any idea with Applied Behavioral Analysis is, let alone autism. I usually call them therapists just to keep it simple.

These saintly people have been coming to my house 2 to 3 times daily for 2 hours at a time. The program directors also drop by to watch the sessions and to work on parent training with Kevin and I. In October we had her 6 month assessment and review. We were all very hopeful, but the data on the page said she still wasn't even near her peers in social, cognitive or other skills. The program directors pointed out though that the progress she had made wasn't measurable on those scales yet because those first 6 months were spent teaching her to attend and she was doing it! They were all very fond of her and because she only had a year to go in the program before she turned 3 (and aged out of the county funding) they wanted to push her harder.

Starting in November more sessions were stepped up to 3 per day. A new interventionist was added to the team. Parent training was increased. And guess what. M started requesting things by pointing. Never before had she asked for anything. This past week M started making sounds for what she was requesting. "Buh" for bottle and "Bee" for beads. M started imitating even more... clapping whenever we clap, dancing, dusting, sweeping, pushing buttons on her toys.

She tests me more. Throwing her sippy cup to get my attention. Standing in her high chair. The occasional bite. Purposely ignoring me. That one is tough.

Another thing that M has developed is an intense attachment to Daddy. I have read that developing a strong attachment to one parent is a good thing because it means that the child will eventually be able to generalize that attachment and then begin attaching with other members of the family more easily. I see this happening between M and C. This morning when he came into the kitchen for breakfast M was chasing him around happily and leaning all over him. And K got her first long-awaited kiss this weekend. That was a huge milestone because K was patiently - so patiently - waiting, knowing M had given each of the rest of us kisses already.

But I have to wonder if M's attachment to Daddy isn't just a bit obsessive. She's going through separation anxiety with him if he even puts his jacket on near the door or steps into the bathroom. I know this may be a good sign too... I remember the twins as babies having meltdowns whenever I stepped out of the room. But last night as I was settling M with a bottle before bed, Kevin briefly stepped into the room to say goodnight. He left, closing the door, and for the rest of our time together M refused to look at me. She would only stare at the door in anticipation. It was strange, and a little disheartening. What was motivating this kind of behavior...? Is it emotional, or compulsive? Kevin's been doing a lot more early morning and go-to-bed nurturing lately and we decided we'd better balance that out. When he's around, I'm pretty much the wet dishrag to M. If anyone has had similar experiences regarding attachment I would love to hear what your take is on all this.

We've been pretty good at keeping M on her gluten/soy/casein free diet. Until the weekend before last. She snagged a Twix bar from C's room, ate two red-dye plaque tablets out of the bathroom drawer, and was given bread by a clueless guest at a birthday party. The first two days we didn't see any changes and then suddenly she was a space cadet. She would stare at some odd thing, something with angles and shadows, and just laugh with a goofy smile. She hasn't been feeling pain from head bumps. She let me hold her without squirming to get down. Didn't answer to her name. Finally after 3 days of spaciness, she moved into the can't stop moving, agitation phase. Yesterday and today she seems more like her normal self.
Thankfully it didn't throw her off too much in her sessions. But if I had any doubts that the diet was making a difference I don't any more. That was just plain weird and unpleasant.

I do love Mondays.

Headlines - M turns 2, Life races on

2009-10-10T20:45:00.000-07:00

Greetings! This is a quick post without much effort because I've been wanting to blog for weeks but haven't had the time to put more than two sentences together (aka Facebook). Things are going well, but not without the rollercoaster drama that seems to encompass us all. I hope to elaborate later. In the meantime, if you don't use Bloglines or Google Reader to follow your blogs (and mine), please check it out... then you can keep up with me without checking in everyday and eventually giving up on me for a dead blog.

In summary, M has been doing so well with her ABA sessions. She's paying attention, following directions, interacting, playing with toys, and becoming affectionate. I've also had her on the GFCFSF (gluten free, casein free, soy free) diet for 6 months and I believe this has helped some too. We just had some additional biomedical testing done and found that she does have food sensitivities... beans, for example. So for the last week I stopped feeding her egg whites, beans (even green beans), and peanuts. And I think she's been doing even better. I know I don't feel like doing anything when my tummy hurts... I wonder if this may be something. Even with a a cruddy-nosed cold this week it seems like she's doing better.

Given that, the doctor (a DAN doctor... DAN for Defeat Autism Now) told me I should put her on a rotation diet. Huh? There aren't enough types of milk even! I'm seeing a pediatric gastroenterologist Monday to see what she says about M's test results and if this rotation diet is necessary. The gastro has a nutritionist on staff that might be able to help me more than the DAN doctor (he said, "It's easy.. grind your almonds at night and soak in water overnight.").

M had her two year checkup... she's 90th %ile in height and 75th %ile in weight. Not bad for coming from an orphanage a year ago. Her gross motor skills seem right on track. Fine motor a tiny bit behind. Social/developmental skills about a year behind, in my estimation. I don't know if this is normal for a child adopted from an orphanage at 11 months. No one I have consulted with has had any experience with institutionalized children. My expectations were always that she'd be caught up by now, but it hasn't happened. I have to keep in mind that she's making forward progress and focus on that. I have more hope now than I had 6 months ago.

Now for a few pictures...

The birthday girl! M turned 2 last week.

M and her sister and brother. Cute as a button!

Fun in the tub.

C and his barfkin for the Cub Scout pumpkin carving contest.

C cutting metal reinforcements for the post holes of the tree house Dad is building.

Squeegie Milestone

2009-08-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

I saw a huge milestone reached tonight.

Earlier when I was using the squeegie to clean the glass in the shower, M wanted the squeegie and she tried to clean the glass too. This may not seem like a lot for a toddler to do, but it's the first time M has ever taken a tool and copied its use from watching me and letting me show her what to do. It's huge! I think she's starting to get it.

We all went to Raging Waters today in San Jose. It was a loud, wet and sunny place where you spend a lot of time waiting in line to go on each waterslide. (I could go on and on about how poorly managed the place is.) Surprisingly, there were so many little play pools that is was a lot more fun for M. She had a great day outside in the sun today and tonight I have never seen her before in such a playful affectionate mood, even though she was laying on the floor, exhausted. (It makes me think we need more sun on our property. Oh, and a pool. With a waterslide. That would be nice.)

In her sessions this week she has been repeating some sounds during sound pairings. A month ago she wasn't repeating any sounds. This week she has also been working on pointing, and she is reaching for things now. She just doesn't have the proper closed fingers, index finger out hand position. I have also noticed that she is looking for her sippy cup and reaching for it when it's on the kitchen counter. She has never searched for it before this week. Instead she would just have a roll-on-the-floor tantrum when she was thirsty. The other thing she did today was a small, simple match bowl with bowl.

Tonight was special because I think M realized even more that we are her family. She seemed so at ease with us and was very happy to be with us. It felt really good.
.

Longer Out Than In

2009-08-05T09:05:00.000-07:00

As of last week, M has now been with us longer than she was in the orphanage. We met with our social worker last week for our 1 year post-placement report and after explaining all the hell we've been through the past four months she was very reassuring and helpful. She told us she noticed M paying attention to myself and the kids more; she wasn't closing her eyes. At the end of our time the woman said 'Bye bye' to M and she received a huge arm wave! It hasn't been repeated since then, but that's the way of this thing we're going through right now. Once in a while we get a word or wave from M, but nothing is consistently repeated.

Returning from our Tahoe vacation was hard. It took M two weeks of crying through her sessions before she started to warm up to her therapists again and get back into the program. But then she took off! Last week and this week she has been doing so well. Last week she was babbling even more. And she started doing something new, she started babbling in response to Kevin (M's favorite person) and our housecleaner, C (her other favorite person), who she only sees once every two weeks!

We went to dinner at our friends' house this weekend in San Jose and we heard a distinct, "All done" when she was being held by "Bob", squirming to get down. Jawdropping for me. She also climbed into my lap while I was sitting in a regular chair... another new thing. And yesterday, after her afternoon session, she demonstrated a very deliberate "high five" to both her therapist and I. Kevin watched her do it to me when he came home from work and I saw his jaw drop.

M's program director dropped by yesterday after not having seen her for two weeks and was ecstatic about her progress. It is so good to hear from others who recognize the great gains that she is making.

What is interesting is that while M is making great progress upstairs with her basic non-verbal imitation skills, I'm finding that she doesn't have as much energy left for me when she comes down. I was talking to one of her therapists yesterday about how I felt like I keep having to rebuild her trust in me. It comes in waves, and when I get busy and don't have consistent one-on-one time with her, she really doesn't want me holding her or playing with her. Some may say that it's normal behavior for a toddler to not want to spend time with the main caregiver when there are other people (like Dad, C and the kids) who are more fun. But I think it's more than that. I cannot discount the fact that M had multiple caregivers coming into and leaving her life for the first 11 months... whom could she trust then?

I get the feeling that a lot of her refusal to make a social connection with us is because she has some deep-seated trust issues. Maybe there are organic issues too... but I just have a sense that she still doesn't trust us completely. And that is the difficult part for me... the twins are home all day now and I'm torn between spending time with them and time with M. M and Legos don't really mix well, although less and less little bits are in her mouth these days. She's more of a babyzilla, coming to destroy the Lego city. I'm learning that if I raise my voice in reaction to something the twins have done, or even when M decides to sweep all her highchair food onto the floor and stand up for the 99th time and I get frustrated... there goes the trust. This is hard!

She may also just not have the bandwidth to do well upstairs with her therapists and still have lots of attention and affection for us at other times. Her two sessions take a lot of concentration and energy. I understand that.

At any rate, she is slowly, very slowly, starting to communicate with us. I am thankful for that. As the director was leaving yesterday, I asked her if it was typical for children in the ABA program to go through cycles of progress or if once they start making gains they sustain the momentum of the learning they have achieved. She said that usually, except in cases of illness or vacation, the momentum is sustained. I hope that is the case.

Interview with Dr. Federici

2009-07-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

This is a great interview with Dr. Federici that I discovered through FRUA. He has extensive experience in the field of neuropsychology and how adopted children have been affected by their early time in institutions. I highly recommend anyone who has adopted a child from an orphanage setting take a few minutes to listen to this.

Dr. Federici also has a website with several articles he has published over the years on the effects of institutionalization. I originally discovered his website by googling institutional autism. He also has a book, "Help for the Hopeless Child" which I haven't read but am going to look into.

Two months progress (and a trip to Tahoe)

2009-07-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

My favorite activity at Tahoe... isn't that what Kevin and I seem to do with everything we do?

Thank you all for your kind comments on my 'coming out' post. It's encouraging and liberating to be able to share what has been going on. I wanted to share some good progress that M has been making, plus some photos of our recent annual camping trip to Tahoe!

The car was packed so full we couldn't see daylight out the back. It was worse on the way home... laundry expands!

In June we increased M's ABA therapy hours from 50 to 100 per month, which works out to about 2 2-hour sessions per day. We usually do one early in the morning and another in the afternoon. There have been several rough points where either she didn't have the stamina, or simply didn't want to follow the instructions given by her interventionists. Thankfully, M's whole team communicates with each other daily and when she is having a hard time one of the Ph.D.s comes out to help and make adjustments to the program. As soon as they introduced a little chair for M to sit in for the work part of her sessions she stopped crying so much as she was able to distinguish better the difference between play time and work time. A good day is when I hear the interventionist whooping it up, giving her lots of loud verbal praise because she is starting to imitate sounds or follow very simple directions.

In the past two months I have seen M's attending skills improve (awareness, paying attention, tracking sounds, eye contact) tremendously. She looks at us almost all the time now when we call her name. She was tracking her cousins when we were all at Tahoe last week.

The kids on the hike from Vikingsholm to Bliss State Park... a total of 4.6 miles, their longest hike yet.

The major change has been that she is starting to imitate very simple tasks. Shake bells and push car... but as she makes progress the tasks will become more complex until she develops the ability to imitate and learn on her own. She is also starting to vocally imitate during her sound-pairing. She babbles all the time now. If she's not babbling then I know something is up... she's hungry, thirsty, tired or not feeling well. These are all good signs!

One of the spectacular views from the Rubicon Trail.

On the attachment front, yesterday I had some time to sit down and hang with her all morning because she only had an afternoon session. (The sessions keep her so busy... I feel like frequently I only have time to dress, feed and put her down for naps between sessions and shuttling C and K around). I had to go down to the car to get something and for the first time she stood at the gate at the top of the stairs and cried like a normal 'separation anxious' toddler. She was needy yesterday too... always wanting to be near me and touching me. It was such a great thing for her (and me). (If only she'd taken a nap....)

M doing one of her favorite activities during camping. She loved the freedom to run around!

educating Sandy

2009-05-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

I've been sitting on this post for a long time, unsure of how to relay the tumult that we have been through the past two months. Or if I should even relay it.

I left off the last post with two calls out, one to a child psychologist and the other to the early intervention program in our county. I am so glad that I made those two calls. While it may not be fair to compare M to C and K at the same age, I am so glad that I pulled out those old tapes that day. While I thought I was only seeing a learning delay, it quite possibly was more.

Our visit to the child psychologist was eye opening. Both Kevin and I took M and were hoping to gain some insight into what the root of some of M's behaviors were. She was withdrawn. Her eye contact was spotty. She rarely responded when we called her name. She wouldn't engage with us when we spent time on the floor with her trying to teach her how to play with her toys. She wasn't talking, and had stopped babbling. She didn't point. And she still hadn't learned to wave bye-bye, after 6 months. She hadn't learned to copy us doing anything. Was it attachment? Effects of institutionalization? The psychologist shot straight from the hip at us. She thought M was showing signs of autism. We were shocked. In denial. We frantically searched for some other reason. Perhaps institutional autism? With some attachment issues? When I finally had the courage I got on the internet and started searching. Reality started to sink in as I recognized that some of M's quirks matched with the symptoms described in autistic children. After a couple days of blackness, I realized that I would need more time for acceptance but that I would also need to act quickly.

So we did.

The early intervention program sent someone out to assess M that had a Ph.D. in Psychology and ran an ABA program here in the area. While it was hard seeing how low M scored on the assessment, I was glad because it confirmed my worries when I made that first call. As a result, M initially qualified for 100 hours per month of intensive behavioral therapy. We started her out at 50, or 10 hours per week. The program started after Easter and we are in our 5th week now. M has a team of 4 people, plus our EI case manager. She has at least one two hour session every day with an interventionist whose job it is to teach her how to learn through repetition and positive reinforcement. The first two weeks were hell. She cried through each session in anger and despair. Finally toward the end of the second week she started to settle and by the end of the third week she didn't cry at all. Already we have seen improvement in her eye contact and responsiveness to her name. Even in the first two traumatic weeks we saw her come out of her sessions with more interest in her toys than we had ever seen.

We started M on a GFCF (gluten-free casein-free) diet by removing all dairy, gluten and finally soy. We saw good improvement in her responsiveness when first removing the dairy, and her big tummy flattened out. Not much of a difference with gluten removed, but again we believe she's been more interactive with the recent removal of soy. It's subjective. Our next step is to double her hours of ABA treatment so that she is receiving the 100 hours per week, which is around 2 2-hour sessions daily. We also have an appointment with a biomedical physician next month who will evaluate her health and determine if she has any problems with vitamin deficiencies or heavy metal poisoning.

M has no official diagnosis of autism. We have just been fortunate that our early intervention program recognized her delays and decided to treat her symptoms with ABA therapy. We don't know the real cause of her delays. It could be genetic or environmental. Certainly spending the first 11 months of her life in an orphanage didn't help and it very well could be a form of institutional autism, where the symptoms slowly fade over time. We also don't know the effects of the vaccinations she received in Russia, nor possibly the ones she received since she arrived home with us. We did delay her 18-month vaccinations until after she reaches the age of two. But whatever this is, we are aggressively treating it in as many educated ways as we know how. She is very young, and studies statistically show that many hours of intensive ABA therapy produce the best results for children with these symptoms. Our ABA team was encouraging when their goal from the start was to have M mainstreamed into preschool by the time she turned 3. I think her progress just in the past two weeks has us thinking that this could be reality. I certainly hope so.

My reluctance to blog about this stemmed originally from my own uneducated perception of autism. From the first moment we heard that word our lives and our future swirled around us like we'd been flushed down the toilet. We felt despair and isolation. Honestly, my attachment to M took a big hit because I didn't know if I would ever really KNOW this little girl that I had hoped to raise. Finally I realized that God has given us this little girl for a purpose... why otherwise did we see the miracles that took place to pull our dossier together and bring us to Russia successfully three times last summer. In all my skepticism I cannot deny that M was meant to be with us. In my darkest hours during the past two months, M has given me glimmers of hope, like when she started babbling back to me 7 weeks ago. When she started pushing her activity walker around last month. Yesterday when she quickly turned around and looked at me smiling when I called her name.

In a way I feel like I'm still waiting to meet her. Waiting for her to come out. Every milestone now is sweetly savored. I take great joy in her accomplishments. Today she ran while pushing her baby stroller from room to room. She is babbling now with intonation... there are thoughts behind those sounds! I swear that when she starts talking I hope she never stops.

We have a long way to go, but I am thankful for each little bit of progress. I hope that sharing our journey with M and some of what it entails will help and encourage others. My own hope grows because of others who have shared their stories with me.

Big guns

2009-03-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

This is just a quick follow-up to the last post. I probably shouldn't even be blogging but I am so appreciative of the last few comments and I have some thoughts I'd like to share.

A large part of M's regressive behavior that we saw I now believe was due to the fact that she was miserable with her cold and the teething. As soon as the cold released it's hold upon her ears and nose, and the final eye tooth broke through it was like we had a different child. She was so happy! She started babbling again. Her favorite thing to do right now is to run-walk back and forth through the house. I've been taking her out more now that Little League games have started and she loves it! She can march around on the black top at school or play with the grass. She's not running her mouth on the ground any longer so I feel comfortable setting her down and letting her go. I've also pulled out the "activewear"... (the denim) so that she can get dirty and not destroy her good clothes. With the warmer weather I've been opening the doors and letting her run around on the deck and she loves it! I've decided that I need to get her out to see her own kind, so we've been to the park, for walks and yesterday to a Music Together demo at the library. That's a pretty cool program and I think she liked it, but she wasn't engaged with the activities... she loved having a rattle and a scarf to run around with. But while all the other children sat with their mommies she kept trying to run off.

I wonder if she's getting sick again (sigh) or there are hills and valleys in this attachment process. The wall came down briefly and now she's building it back up. Kevin was away for 2 nights and I wonder if that had anything to do with it. I've been the one to put her to bed at night so I wouldn't think that it affect her too much but I don't know. When he gets home at night he has so much energy with her and plays with her with enthusiasm that I can't seem to muster. (I have to pace myself or I won't make it through the day! Can you say even-keel?) So perhaps she missed that. But this morning she's already asleep at 9:15 am after being whiny and avoiding me for two hours this morning. I hadn't "worn" her in the ergobaby for a while so I stuck her on my back to make the kids breakfast and then again later when she was fussy. She fell asleep so that tells me I've either exhausted her with activities or another bug is coming on.

I did something this morning I probably shouldn't have done. I finally pulled out the videotapes I have of the twins when they were this same age... 18 months. Can you say, "Night and Day?" They were responsive to their names. They were laughing. They were naughty. C was trying to talk with great inflection in his babbling. There was eye contact. And I was 6 years younger. Was I a different mother to them? Or is it that M is just a wholy different child? When bringing home an adopted child to a family with older siblings that have been raised since birth... is it not even fair to make any comparisons?

Alarmed at the difference between M with C and K, I resolved to bring out the big guns. I immediately went to the phone and called the Early Start program. No more mincing around because she seems like she's making progress when she's happy. It's not enough. I'm pushing for an evaluation now. I then gave another call to a child psychologist that I'd been trying to get ahold of. Divine providence intervened... she picked up the phone!! We have an appointment to go see her next Monday with M.

I know that there are ranges in development with toddlers. I've seen talking, command-obeying 17 month olds at the park that blew me away. I also saw quiet, non-participating 17-month olds at the music session. But as I slyly always sneak in the "So hold old is your little one?" so I can make my comparison... it seems that the connection between that mother and child is more defined than we have with M. Give me patience, give me consistency and give me all that is love.

The videotapes were hard to watch... it was hard to watch C and K at that age because they were so adorable! They are adorable now but not quite as innocent as babes. And it was hard to see our favorite dog, Kona, who we lost only a few months after the film was taken. And finally my grandmother was there on tape, sitting in her chair with her glass of wine, chattering with the twins. We are so blessed to have experienced the love of that time. I only want to give that to M too.

Looking forward to a good day today!

Six Months

2009-03-02T21:22:00.000-08:00

M at 17 months... happy to be at the park!

M has been with us for six months now. It is amazing how quickly those months went by. But the milestone of her being with us for six months makes me happy and also a bit unsettled. I'm happy that our adoption was completed six months ago and that we have our baby home. I am happy that I have had six months to get to know her and watch her grow. I am unsettled because I realized that perhaps she should be a little bit further along in her development than she is. I feel like we have been coasting through the last six months getting adjusted to having a baby again, to having a third child, and to introducing a complete stranger to a life so foreign to anything she has ever known... new caregivers, new playmates, new surroundings, new language, new food, new comfort, and the whole idea of what a family is.

M, her second day home from Russia, 11 months old.

When I think back to how M was when she first came home at 11 months old, she has progressed so much. She was withdrawn and quiet. She wasn't able to process much beyond the 2 feet in front of her. Most of her time was spent picking at the floor or carpet. She would grab a rattle and shake and bang it, but never venture into the toy basket. She had a fear of baths. She had a hard time taking naps. She would only come out of her shell when we picked her up and played with her, and then she would tire and she would retreat to her thumb and close her eyes to shut us out.

Over the past 6 months we have seen her trust in us grow. Just lately she has been happy and welcoming when I return from being away for a short period of time. She still has moments when she withdraws and goes into herself, but she does not do this all the time. She enjoys playing with the twins when they pay attention to her. She watches them so attentively at dinner. Her scope has broadened from a 2 foot radius to the edge of the room now. She is babbling now and has said mama and dada a few times. She dives into her toy basket and gets frustrated when she can't pull out the toy she wants. She loves her baths and could splash all day long in the tub. I have found that with some rocking and good timing on my part, that she will take a nap. And through all of this, she still sleeps through the night about 95% of the time. She has always seemed happy and ready to be loved, grabbing onto my legs when I go about my business in the kitchen. She loves to go out to the park or shopping. She enjoys her rides in the car and one of her favorite things to do is pick up the kids from school. She gets excited when we pull into the school parking lot. She is no longer gorging herself in the high chair. She still has a good appetite, but she is starting to leave food on her tray. She is also starting to become selective about what she eats... she left strawberries on the tray today. Twice.

C and K at 18 months.

M is now 17 months old. I don't remember much about when the twins were this age, but I do remember that they were actively trying to say words like "daiiii" for Christmas lights and "dah" for dog. I recall that the only way I could get them to smile for the Christmas picture I took was to pretend like I was mad at them for banging a piece of pottery on the house. The mischief!

We've all been fairly healthy this season except for a whopper of a head cold that M came down with about 2 weeks ago. We went up to Tahoe again to enjoy the new snow and on the way back down she was showing some ear distress. Over the next week an ear infection developed, and then the head congestion hit. She was miserable, and that's an understatement. And in her misery she did what she had lots of experience doing, withdrawing. Her behavior with her cold reminded us so much of what she was like when she first came home and I felt like we had lost a lot of ground with her. It certainly didn't help that we had to administer antibiotics and pain relievers, inhalers, and the most dreaded saline drops and nasal syringe. How could she still like us and trust us when we had to physically restrain her to do these awful things we knew would ultimately make her feel better? It was a hard two weeks. Finally Friday she was well enough that we could go to the park for a couple of hours after school. That perked her up a bit. And by Sunday she was starting to act like her "new" self again, but not completely.

M... not quite feeling well yet.

But seeing her regression, and finally getting to those chapters in the adoption books about attachment (why are the most helpful chapters always 3/4 of the way into the book??) has made me feel like perhaps I should not have been "coasting" through the past 6 months. I mean, I probably wasn't "coasting", but now I am aware that I should be actively doing so much more to try to stimulate her and bring her out. I am aware that perhaps her love of textures might just be a self-stimulating behavior, just like shaking a rattle incessantly, or slapping every flat surface she encounters. I don't know. Perhaps her wandering through the house independently isn't such a good thing because she doesn't really check back with us. When I sit down with her to play and to try to teach her the cause and effect of her different toys, she is so overwhelmed that she can't make eye contact or even focus her attention on what I am doing. It's too much for her. But she loves being held and bounced and thrown around and she makes wonderful eye contact at these times. I took her to the library once for story-time a few weeks ago and she loved it. I want her to be around other children her own age and to see what it is that they can do. But at the same time it almost seems like she's very much still a baby and is not quite ready for the toddler activities like gymnastics or park play. While other 16 month olds have a shovel in hand and are banging their older sister with it, she's still digging at the sand with her fingers and trying to put it all in her mouth.

I want to hear more words come from her. At the pediatrician's office today I discussed some of my concerns and was reassured that you can't assess the developmental level of any child when they are sick. She told me to wait a week for M to really start feeling better. And then M murmurs a "mama" while I'm holding her in front of the doctor, which was reassuring in a sort of temporal way. Our doctor told us that speech really starts to develop about 3-4 months after the child starts understanding the words. In the past week I have noticed M being a little more responsive to some of my requests. I think she is starting to recognize English. And by seeing this it has encouraged me to really start labeling a lot more things for her. But I still don't feel like I have her full attention. She's not pointing, and she doesn't follow my finger when I point. She will follow the direction of my eyes though. She might also be holding back because she's not comfortably attached yet. I keep trying. And I try not to get discouraged when she tunes me out. At her 18 month checkup (only a month away) the doctor will assess her and let us know if we should pursue some speech therapy.

I've been spending more time holding her and reassuring her. I've taken to putting her to bed every night now because she is starting to bond with me more. I think this is hard for Kevin because when she first came home he was the preferred comfort giver. But I think it needs to be me right now, because I am the one who is home with her most of the day. I am also the one who is taking longer to bond. So we both need this. Lately she has been waking up once during the night or during a nap crying. Once she realizes that we are there she is comforted and goes back to sleep. I wonder if these are dreams of the orphanage.

All these things make me realize that this job of parenting an adopted child from an institution is more difficult than I first believed, because I don't know what's a quirk and what's an indication of unresolved trauma. I don't know what's causing her to shut down at times when I try to reach out to her and teach her. I am realizing that just as I had faith that we would make it through the adoption process and be able to bring M home, which at the time seemed an insurmountable task, again I must trust in God that we can help M through these obstacles that seem so foreign to us. I have a message on my machine from a therapist with whom I left a message. Tomorrow I'll talk to her and perhaps she can help us or refer us to someone who can give us some encouragement, tools, or at least reassurance that we're on track, just the slow track. The books all say that it takes time, but they never say how much or what it will be like along the way.

Finally, I am learning how difficult it is to balance the very different needs of three children. At times I deeply miss spending close time with the twins. I long for the time when it feels natural to be close to all of them together.

And now a few shots of the snow from our last trip to Tahoe...
The resort... snowland.

Swimming in a snow storm!

M and I, not swimming.

First night away from home

2009-01-16T20:31:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we took the kids up to Squaw Valley near Lake Tahoe for some skiing and sledding. It was our first time taking M on a longer car ride to stay overnight somewhere other than home. I was a little concerned about how it would go because of her behavior at Christmas up at Kevin's parents' house. (She freaked out when we went to put her jammies on at the end of the evening.) To our great relief, she made no complaint about being away from home. We had no trouble changing her, or putting her to bed in the strange place. She slept through the night in a different crib, although we brought her blankets from home to sleep with. She played and enjoyed the company of the twins. She ate well, despite having to be strapped into the jog stroller for breakfast each day. It was the only tray we had. The only fuss she made was when we went out for dinner Saturday night (too fancy of a place for her, she had to cause trouble) and on the way home between Sacramento and Stockton. She was telling us she was done with car ride or it could have been the smell of Lodi. Either way, we patted her leg and comforted her through it, and then she gave it up and slept the rest of the way home.

Saturday Kevin and the twins skied while I bounced M around the cross-country trails in the jog stroller. We stopped for lunch at Bistro 22 in the Village for some sliders and green beans. That kid can eat!

Sunday we grabbed our sleds and took advantage of the sledding hill right behind the hotel. M was a great sport and patiently sat through every sled ride we took her on. She liked riding the sled up the hill the best.

M wouldn't keep her shoes on and we were poor parents and let her sled in her cotton socks. Heck, it was a warm day. Soon her socks were soaked and her little feet were cold. I dried and warmed them but had no other socks for her so I ended up putting her mittens on her feet and shoving the shoes on over them. She had a cute little mitten thumb poking out of the tongue of each shoe. Kinda like a monkey. We had a good laugh.

Proudly, Kevin and I outlasted C and K on the sled hill. By the afternoon they were rolling around in the snow, whining and crying. Not bad for being in our late 20's.

Wiped out.

A welcome new year... now with pictures!

2009-01-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

Making Christmas cookies for the piano recital.

I have been meaning to write for so long but when the holidays happen with three children, one being a newly adopted baby, blogging takes a back seat.

Cub scout taking M for a ride.

Playing in the hallway.

Kevin took the kids (yes, all three) up to see his parents this morning and I have the WHOLE day to myself. I started with a half hour of piano playing, cleaned up the breakfast dishes, and now I'm transferring files to my new Christmas present!! Oh yes, I am so very spoiled. Kevin bought me a new MacBook Pro for Christmas... the new 15". It's sooooo fine. I talked him into it because he can now test the Netflix movie player with its Intel processor. The kids aren't allowed to touch it. And that only lasted about an hour.

M and Dad selecting a Christmas tree.

Because I had no idea (no, none at all) this was going to be my Christmas gift I went and bought myself an HP Photosmart C7280 printer to go with it. The photo printing quality of this new printer shames my old g85. I am very happy with my new technology.

So my next task is to set about updating my blog with a post while my files are transferring. Got my hot cup of coffee on the table and music playing louder than usual. Logs on the fire. All those little things you can't really enjoy when the house is full.

K making the tree look pretty, just by standing next to it.

So, what's up with M? She's doing very well. Thanksgiving was her first holiday with the family and she was a trooper. She was a bit overwhelmed being surrounded by all her cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents, but she was curious and attentive. She had smiles for everyone when she wasn't sucking her thumb. After two days of parties and outings with the family and two molars working their way through her inflamed gums, she needed some rest. After a Monday of general crankiness and no sleeping (her AND me) on Tuesday emerged a child with a new tooth, a new outlook on life, and the ability to walk all over the house. M had figured out how to lift her knees when she walked and no longer was she tripping on her toes. What a proud moment for her. She started digging in her toy basket with and walking all over the house with more confidence than I had ever seen.

The whole tree ensemble this year. M didn't really take an interest in the tree until after Christmas when she would grab at the ornaments or shake the limbs until some needles came off to snack on.

I remember those leaps and bounds the twins would make after being together with their cousins. They would be fascinated and overwhelmed all at the same time with the older children. There would then be a day of processing everything that happened. They would more often than not get sick with whatever was passed around during the get-together. And then they would make developmental leaps and bounds that would astound me. It is the same with M.

C working on his Lego train that runs under the Christmas tree. M left it alone, for the most part.

Then I went a did something I probably shouldn't have done. I planned a holiday cookie exchange party for all my friends and their kids. It was so much fun (we had almost 50 people here, with more than 2/3 being kids) and I would probably do it again, but it wasn't the best thing for M. In the days I spent preparing for the party, the time I spent with her was reduced and it showed. She knew me as a busy person buzzing around her and she would only light up when either the kids or Kev were home. The party was a huge success but for M's sake I was happy when it was over. It took a couple of weeks for me to realize that we were making progress with attachment again.

Dressed up for the Christmas picture.

Christmas Eve we always spend with Kevin's family at his parents' house. M seemed much more comfortable this time with her cousins and kept trying to chew on the presents. But toward the end of the night when we were trying to get her into her sleeper for the two hour ride home she FREAKED out. Hysterics. I wondered if she thought we were going to leave her there. (It was probably just about time for a new caregiver change... 4 months?) After wrestling her into her jammies I picked her up and held her close and she inserted her thumb into her mouth and with a last whimper was comforted. Kevin wasn't able to comfort her at all.

She had to have me.

Since then she has been following me all over the house. She almost runs to me and gives my leg a hug and an open-mouthed kiss. (We all fear that she will bite us... she's got the teeth of a beaver. Very apropos that my friend, Garnet, sent her an OSU Beaver sweatshirt. We love it!)

Tasting the presents.

I've since been able to calm her hysterics during bath-time too. I was really worried that she was developing a water phobia. We can't have that in this family. All of our vacations are somehow centered around water. She HAS to be able to swim. I think she was afraid of hot water and soap in her eyes. We're doing much better now in the bath. With lukewarm water she comes out a little cool but she's happy. She runs a little hot, anyway.

M with her dog from Grandma and Grandpa. It doesn't shed!

M's babbling has increased and we think we are starting to hear the beginnings of words. We can't really be sure yet, but we think we've heard 'all done', 'da da' and I know I've heard 'ma ma mwahhhhhh'. She has recently been vocalizing loudly like she wants to tell us something, or be part of the conversation. I believe she is starting to recognize some English now and perhaps is making some mental connections between the heard word and the spoken word.

M in my ERGObaby pack. This thing is the BOMB! I can carry her on my back, front or side. She loves being so close to me. It also helps her fall asleep when she's fussy. Go out and get one right now!

A few days ago I heard M have her first belly laugh. It was a moment of pure joy for her. And then when she saw me laughing with her she became self-conscious and started sucking her thumb!

My aunt came to visit us for a few days after Christmas and we were all so happy to see her! She finally was able to meet M and M was quite responsive and happy with her. I made a turkey on Sunday so we could all enjoy a holiday meal together. Today I'm going to eat the last bit of dressing and gravy. I have no one to share it with. What a shame.

Our turkey dinner for Carole and our friend Jolanda.

So each day we continue to learn more about M, and she continues to become more confident, loving and happy. I've been reading "Toddler Adoption, the Weaver's Craft" by Mary Hopkins-Best. It has helped me through the tougher times when I feel like I have not had enough patience to be kind and loving to M. (i.e. middle of the night, when teething, overstimulation and congestion all mess with M's usually wonderful sleep patterns.) Reading has always helped me through tough times with the kids... not by changing the kids' behavior, but by changing my perspective. I suppose it's always like that.

With an adopted child it's difficult because you don't know what it was that they experienced before they came to you. With M's outlook on life, her flexibility and happy demeaner, her reaching out and showing us love and affection, I know something good must have happened in those first 11 months. And I am thankful.

Carole with her nieces and nephew at Natural Bridges State Park.

C and K are both doing well. I have been so happy to have them home for the past two weeks. It will be sad when they have to start back to school on Monday. I'm not looking forward to it. We have been having a lot of fun playing games together and reading books. Sometimes I can even get one to take a hike with me around the neighborhood.

Now, on to Christmas (or, um, holiday cards) cards, post-placement and readoption paperwork, and hopefully some exercise.

May the new year keep you in health, happiness and with no worries.
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Long days, gone quickly

2008-11-19T21:56:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to sit down for a long time to type out some thoughts about what life has been like these past three months but I haven't been able to get anything down more insightful than "Here's what we did yesterday!"

Being an adoptive mother is a challenge. M is a wonderful girl, but there is so much more to being her mother than just going through the normal motions of motherhood. The attachment process is hard work. I'm not sure what it is that I expect. I have seen M light up like fireworks when Kevin pays attention to her. I hear her squeal for joy when C or K pays attention to her. And this is absolutely wonderful! She responds to me too, but not quite as vigorously, or perhaps I am seeing her response to me through a guarded perspective. She definitely prefers me to other friends that hold her. She makes the best eye contact when I change her, feed her, carry her, and always when I strap her into her car seat (funny... like she's saying, "Where are we going now?") Just yesterday, she crawled all the way from the living room, through the dining room, through the kitchen, and into the laundry room to grasp and climb up my pant leg so that I would pick her up and change her! I was thrilled and amazed. Last night when I was feeding her her bottle and rocking her to sleep, I finally gave myself permission to fully love her. Doesn't that sound ridiculous? It has simply taken me a few months to settle in to the idea of being her mother, since for most of the time I have felt more like just a caretaker. But somehow I sense that she is looking for more than a caretaker now. She deserves to have a mother that loves her wholeheartedly, and I am now that mother.

Today I woke up and felt so much more joy and freedom throughout my day. The day wasn't that much different than other days when I spend a lot of time doing laundry, taking care of M, and then picking up the twins from school and shuttling them around. But my heart was finally in the right place, and that felt good.

Another aspect of being an adoptive mom that has been consuming me is worrying that M is where she needs to be developmentally. Sometimes it seems like she spends a lot of time shaking the same rattle around on the floor. I've been trying to get her interested in some different toys. Yesterday and today I have been trying to get her to take toys out of a little container with windows and doors. Shouldn't this be something a 13 month old can do? The twins were dumping their toys, emptying my kitchen drawers and trying to open the front door at this age. Yesterday M wouldn't have it and would eventually tune out and insert thumb. Today, if I put the favorite rattle in she would grab it out. Progress.... she has a favorite toy (a set of plastic keys) and she recognizes it and gets excited when she sees it. So we walked around the house with her Fisher-Price walker and she sat sucking on a block while I built some stuff with the rest of the blocks. A little while later I peeked around a corner to see her knocking the blocks off the coffee table. Finally! Good girl! I know I shouldn't worry, but it's hard not to compare her to other babies. I know I should enjoy this baby stage but sometimes I get anxious for her to grow up a little just so that I can see some developmental milestones and know she's okay. I wonder if it will be like this for me throughout her whole childhood. I hope not, but I expect it will come and go.

I pulled out the nice handbook of articles my placement agency sent to me and found the article on developmental milestones and what to expect. And the most important development going on during the first two years of childhood is.... attachment. I know what I need to work on.

I have seen progress. She doesn't pick at the floor as much as she used to. She's crawling from room to room. She feeds herself. She is making consonant babbling sounds. She is taking steps. She is anxious to please us and is incredibly responsive to smiles, attention and affection. She snuggles in to me when she needs comfort. All of this is new since we took her into our arms not quite three months ago. She arrived with no independence or confidence. That is what I want to encourage and develop.

I think I need to go to the park, or get into some mommy/baby classes or some kind of activity where she can be around other babies. I think she misses seeing children her own age. When we went to the aquarium with the twins a month or so ago, she lit up when we were in the baby play area. She approached the other babies and tried to touch them and communicate with them. Poor thing, it was like she missed her friends from the orphanage. A couple of days ago we were at the park and I was showing her how to go down the slide. Scary! She didn't want any part of it until a 2-year-old boy got on the slide and slid down a few times. I've rarely seen her so engaged. Then she was able to give it a try again. I think she's used to observing other children her own age and learning from them... it's everything she's known. She learns from us, but even C and K are now 'big' kids that she can't quite identify with developmentally.

Last week she stayed with her first babysitter, just for a short while with C and K while I went to K's parent-teacher conference. Everything went fine. Our babysitter is the greatest! She's going to come the next few Thursday afternoons for a couple hours so that I can get to the gym. I hope it goes well. And then maybe Kevin and I can get out to see the new Bond movie. What a treat! In the meantime, I will struggle with trying to give her a secure, safe environment here at home balanced with all the holiday parties and gatherings that are coming up. Thanksgiving is going to be interesting because she will be going to a lot of large family events. I hope it is not too overwhelming for her. We won't be spending the night away from home, but I've found that when she's tired and the noise level is high that she either tunes out or gets very upset. In a few years though, she'll be contributing to the mayhem like all the other cousins.

Yes, the days are long, but they pass quickly.

Credits: photos taken by ipm during a visit to her home back in early October. ipm also deserves all the credit for helping me to create this blog back in March 2006. Thank you!

Zoo Babbling

2008-11-15T07:40:00.000-08:00

This past Tuesday we had Veteran's Day off from school so I took the kids to the San Francisco Zoo.

Kevin met us there (he's a big zoo fan) and we all got to share in M's first day at the zoo. For her it was mostly watching the twins run around while she rolled along in the stroller. She didn't notice the animals much, but she did notice C and K. And spending the day with them and Dad was ultra-stimulating.

So much so, that she had a difficult time settling to go to sleep that night. We heard our first "mmmmahh mmmmahhh mmmmahhhhh mmmahhh".

This was a huge breakthrough for M. She's 13 and a half months and up until the other day she wasn't making many consonant sounds at all aside from a random 'g' here and there.

The next day all kinds of sounds came pouring out of M. It was like she discovered how to use the front of her mouth.

It was probably her day at the zoo, but I find it an odd coincidence that it was the SAME day that I was finally able to mail the Early Start application, as I was concerned about her speech delay.

I've been spending a lot more time on the floor with her this week and it also had really helped with her security. It's obvious that she has become very attached to Kevin. While I know that she likes me, she always preferred Kevin because he's the "Fun" dad. I'm okay with that, as she has to start somewhere. As the days pass I slowly discover new things about M as she opens up. And I have been teaching her what a hug and kiss are. When she retreats into her thumb-world, I've been giving her hugs and snuggles and she comes out. Her favorite toys are all the baby rattles that I saved from the twins. The louder ones are the best, and she will bang them on the floor and yell to make as much noise as possible. While it makes her happy, or at least occupies her time, she's not really developing from it and doesn't show interest in any other toys really so I've been playing with her with one toy at a time. You know which toys she likes the best? People!

I've finally figured out how to help her go to sleep during the day. When she's tired I can take her in my arms and rock her. After just a few minutes she can't fight the movement and she passes out. She even makes the arms to crib transition about 90% of the time without waking up. She's still sleeping through the night. We've moved her out of the portacrib in our room to the crib in K's room. Despite her good sleeping habits, she's still very easy to wake up.

We have our last soccer games today, as well as a Cub Scout book sale to work. K made the All-Star team so she has one more game on Monday. She's thrilled.

Also, we received both the twins report cards and they did exceptionally well this first trimester in school. It's their first time apart from each other and they are doing great!

Halloween Costumes

2008-11-04T16:36:00.000-08:00

Kevin and yours truly at a costume party as Sharkbait and Groovy Mama. C was so disturbed by my costume that he kept trying to pull off my wig the whole evening. Notice that we wiped out M.

Here we have the mummy, the Russian princess (or perhaps the peasant princess), the Ladybug, and someone masquerading as Dad. I made both the mummy and Russian costume dress. Never will I make a mummy out of cheesecloth strips again. It would make me so happy to throw the mummy costume in the trash except for the amount of work I invested in it. It was difficult and it was a mess. But C did look pretty darn good in it and he received lots of compliments. K received lots of compliments for her costume too, but it really was the headdress that made her costume. We purchased it in Russia. We happily recycled K's costume from baby days for M.

On our way down to the neighborhood where we trick-or-treat. There is no trick-or-treating where we live because the homes are too far apart and the roads are steep and dark, so we impose upon our city neighbors for some free candy. They decorate their houses and make the whole night really fun.

Trick or treat!

A walk in the redwoods with the Scrabble Queen

2008-10-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

My friend, Terry, came to visit last weekend to meet M and to spend some time with us. She came with three of her children (L, C and R) and it was a fun weekend as we got to know each other's kids better. We had the greatest time! The kids had fun playing together. Kevin was in fine form and took us all on a geocaching adventure where we could exchange trinkets from two caches in the woods at Roaring Camp in Felton, while skillfully avoiding the poison oak (which is so pretty this time of year, by the way). Terry's two boys, C and R, both took turns with the GPS. We then walked across the tracks and did what we call the "number hike". It's basically a flat half-mile loop through some of the most majestic redwoods in the area. There's even a redwood tree with an enormous cave inside it, that for all the years that I have been to this park and doing this loop with the kids I did not know about. Of course, inside was another microcache that the kids had to feel around in the dark for.

Terry's and my favorite part of these visits is when we play Scrabble to see who will take on the new title, "Scrabble Queen". I begrudgingly handed the crown to Terry this time because she gave me a sound whuppin', with more than a 100 point spread in the first game. The second game was going the same direction when we realized it was so late that we both threw in the towel. I say 'begrudgingly' because it is my opinion that she took advantage of me by talking through the entire two games thereby completely throwing off my concentration. Of course, there will be a rematch.

The little kids at Roaring Camp.

The number hike.

C in the redwoods.

The Scrabble Queen and M.

R, L, C, K and C inside the redwood cave.
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M Update

2008-10-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

Every day I hope to have the time to sit down and write about how things are going with M and the family, and every day the time slips away before I get the chance.

M is doing so well. I cannot believe how very blessed we are to have this wonderful baby. In the time since she's been home I will try to go over some of her development and changes. When she first came home she sucked her thumb almost continuously. As the weeks have passed it seems she needs her thumb less and less. The past two weeks (so after a month of being home) she really made strides in becoming more secure and attached to us. She now seems much more at ease and is happier and more explorative every day. Her vocalizations are louder and bolder.

M eats.... almost anything I put down in front of her. She prefers to feed herself with her fingers, so if I chop it up small enough then she is content eating it. The only thing I have seen her turn her nose at is blueberry yogurt. (Did I write that already?) She is not even particular about sauces or flavors, which leads me to believe that I was far too accommodating to C and K when they were little. Only a few times I have given her something not soft enough or when she was fussing too much and then had to follow with a finger sweep. In the beginning I had to go slow because she would stuff so much food in her mouth and forget to chew and swallow. She is getting better about this, and I am getting better about giving the food to her slower. But it is so nice to sit her down and give her the same things we are having for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

M sleeps through the night, which I am so thankful for. She does not want to sleep at home during the day. I have given her a pass on this, since she sleeps so well in the car and stroller, where she spends a lot of her time anyway. Once in a while I get a good daytime nap, and then I tiptoe around like a crazy woman cleaning bathrooms and doing other stuff that's been piling up. I've learned not to force the nap because she wakes up ANGRY. I would much rather deal with a tired fussy baby than an angry baby. I don't know what happened in the orphanage with regard to naps, but in my mind I've decided to be flexible about her day. Her first 10 1/2 months were so regimented and who-knows-what in the orphanage. So she gets a loving pass here.

The day before her first birthday I saw her take her first two steps. Yesterday she took 7 in the kitchen. She really wants to walk. She is crawling around much more, and faster too. She's starting to cross rooms, which she didn't do when she came home. She is no longer content to pick at the carpet or the metal strip dividing the carpet and the kitchen floor. I am pretty happy about this... to see her coming out of her 2 foot radius. I think having the twins playing around her has really opened her up and drawn her out. I have always wondered if she's developmentally where she's supposed to be... or how delayed she is. At church this Sunday there was a 10-month-old behind me with her parents. What a good little girl! She sat with her parents and rarely fussed. She poked at things with her fingers together. She did all the things M did when she first came home, at 11 months. If you account for M's one-month prematurity, then M is right-on developmentally. What a relief for me to realize this.

Our pediatrician has said that she is delayed with her speech, which we were also aware of in Russia. She should be making consonant sounds and she isn't really. We have had her hearing checked and it seems okay, although we have to go back for another test. I think she's going to be fine, as she is probably put all of her effort into walking right now and not speech. She also has the prematurity and language changes to slow things down. But every so often I hear a "gggg", "mmmm", or a "yyyy".

Yesterday we had our one-year check-up for her, one month after the first pediatrician appointment. At M's first appointment all of her growth statistics showed her in the 50th percentile (head, height and weight). Amazing, for coming out of an orphanage! Way to go, Stavropol! In the past month, she grew a couple of inches (maybe they didn't measure her right the first time?) and gained a pound or two. She is now 95th percentile for height and 65th for weight. Wow! She's stretching out and becoming a little less of a Buddha belly. But her legs are still pretty short and chubby. It's interesting to see how much babies change.

Last week I left M, K and C with Kevin so that I could head to San Jose for a dinner with some old friends. Kevin and C had a cub scout pack meeting and it was outside. This was the first time that M has been outside in the dark. Kevin said she freaked out when she got home and cried like he hadn't heard in a long time. He couldn't console her, she wouldn't eat, so he gave her a bottle and put her to bed. The next day she snuggled in to me and sucked her thumb like I hadn't seen in weeks. It seemed like the whole day was spent consoling and reassuring her that I was there. I think she missed me! So now we are seeing "object permanence", as my pediatrician said, and some attachment. A good thing!

So all in all, M is growing physically, emotionally and socially. C and K are both doing well too. K carries M around and sings to her, which M loves. She also loves taking a bath with K. C has told us he likes having a little sister. It's the sweetest thing!

Afternoon on the Deck

2008-10-08T22:36:00.001-07:00

We had a couple of hours today to spend the Indian summer afternoon on our deck together. C painted his Haunted Pirate Ship. K painted a squirrel picture. And M played with the hose.

It was one of those moments where you try to take a mental picture to remember forever. Peaceful, warm, no stress.

A glimpse of heaven.

K stacked the sand toys to make a fountain. I thought it was pretty cool that she thought of that. M did too.

M got stuck in the hose.

Everything has to go in the mouth.

K with her squirrel painting. (Shame on you... that's it's tail!)

C painting his pirate ship.

One Month Past

2008-10-05T17:00:00.000-07:00

One month has sped by since M came home. I cannot believe it. There is so much I want to write about her and how she is doing, how we are doing, but it seems that I cannot find the time to sit down. I went back and read my writings about the twins and decided that I must do the same for M. My video camera is loaded and ready. I finally caught her first steps a few days ago. She took a couple steps the day before her first birthday (last Tuesday) and it took me three or four days to actually have the camera in hand when she was doing it again.

Unfortunately I don't have much time again to write, but I will share a few pictures.

M in her birthday dress on her special day. She was home exactly one month on her birthday. We had a quiet day and finished with a nice dinner, cupcakes and a few presents.

Here is M enjoying her first cupcake. She LOVED it... had never tasted anything SO good. We enjoyed watching her eat it. (M is a great eater, by the way. She prefers anything home made. Loves MEAT. And the only thing I've seen her push away is blueberry yogurt and mixed grain baby cereal. She can feed herself small bits but will shove it all into her mouth if we're not careful so we have to monitor how much she gets at a time. She's very mouthy... has to put everything into her mouth and taste everything, so we have to be careful with small things. We've been lucky so far.)

Kevin took the twins and M geocaching yesterday. So here is M on her first geocaching trip. You can't start too early. She enjoyed the outing and the twins had a good time too. We just had 3/4" of rain Saturday and the forest around us smells heavenly! I stayed home and got some stuff done that I've been meaning to do for a while. (Hemming some curtains for my friend, V. You can't do rotary cutting and pinning with a baby nearby.)

M and I having a goodnight hug last night before Kevin put her to bed. She was WIPED out after her day of geocaching and hiking with Dad. Of course this is no surprise.

A Tribute to my Husband

2008-09-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

Today is Kevin's and my 20th wedding anniversary. (I tell everyone we were married when we were 13.) I wanted to share with you a few of the many reasons why Kevin is so special to me. We met as neighbors in San Luis Obispo, where we were both in our second year at Cal Poly. His roommates, my roommate, and the group of girls downstairs from us became very close and we spent the next three years hanging out together. During that time Kevin and I were good friends. I would call him up early Saturday mornings (around 10 or so) to drag him down to Avila beach with me, where we'd spend the day bodysurfing and shivering on the beach.

Here is our group of friends from Cal Poly. You can see Kevin and I, but not together... yet.

Sometime in our third or fourth year, Kevin and I both had overlapping internships at IBM in San Jose. We lived near each other so we decided to commute together. After three months of commuting and hanging out together he became my best friend. When I returned to school before he did, I couldn't wait for him to get back too. A few months later we became "an item".

After Kevin graduated he proposed to me on the cliffs of Big Sur. It was beautiful! 4 months later we were married in San Luis Obispo, and then living and working in San Jose. This was 1988. Don't we look young?

We lived in an apartment together for a year and half and then bought a tiny shoebox house on a mound of dirt in the Santa Cruz Mountains. We raked rocks, scraped and saved for four years. We started our family by getting two puppies and eventually 3 cats.

We built a house together on that mound of dirt and are still here enjoying it and filling it with family and friends. This was 1994.

During the past 20 years, Kevin took up running and became an accomplished runner. Here he is finishing his first marathon in Napa Valley. He went on to run several more marathons and half marathons, as well as every local race. His favorite race of all time is the Dipsea, run in Marin County. He doesn't run much any more because raising (and lifting) the twins herniated a disk in his back that running aggravates. But this did not stop his passion for exercise as he now is an avid bicyclist and rides up and down these crazy hills on a regular basis.

After we built the house, we took six weeks and toured through Ireland and Europe with our bikes. Here is Kevin with his cousin Michael in Cavan, Ireland in front of the house where his grandmother Katie was born. The house was abandoned when the Typhoid fever came through and is now occupied by grazing cows. His grandmother emigrated to America where she met his grandfather in San Francisco, amazingly also from Cavan, his family only a few miles away from hers.

Later in the trip we spent our 7th wedding anniversary in Salzburg, Austria. It was also the anniversary of St. Stephens (?) cathedral and the whole city was having a huge festival. It was a lot of fun, and the beer was great too.

Kevin is very handsome here, as we ride the train through the Austrian Alps at the end of our trip.

After our trip in 1995, we started thinking about having children but nothing was really happening yet. Then my grandfather died in 1996 and my grandmother moved in with us. Now there is a saint of a husband to welcome my grandmother into his newly built home and give her the master bedroom suite for 10 years. He and my grandmother became very close and we shared many trips together. If ever we went somewhere (not backpacking, however) we brought her and she shared every experience with us from a wheelchair's view. Kevin pushed her many miles (and dumped her once too!).

By year 2000, we were very frustrated that we hadn't been able to have children yet, so we brought out the big guns and got serious. By October we were finally pregnant, with twins!

Here is Kevin with C, on one of the best and worst days of his life. You can't really tell from this photo, but Kevin endured the most grueling event of his life this day. He watched me nearly die on the operating table after the twins were delivered by emergency C-section, and he watched K suffer through breathing trauma and be taken off to the NICU. In this photo he is quite relieved that we all survived. (Me too.)

Here is another one of the happiest days of Kevin's life, the day he finally brought K home from being in the NICU 10 days. We could finally all be together!

Kevin's absolute favorite thing to do is to spend time with his kids outdoors. Here we are on our 18th anniversary camping and fishing at Woods Lake near Carson Pass. Kevin is the most amazing dad. He loves his children deeply and would do anything for them. His love, patience and endurance inspire me.

Here too is a momentous day for us! We have our newest daughter, M, and Kevin was the proudest dad in all of Russia to be able to take this photograph with her at Red Square.

So here I am, 20 years later, wishing my husband the best of all days. I want him to know how deeply I love him, even though I am not very good at showing it day to day. He makes me laugh. I am so proud of his accomplishments in his career and his personal life. He has admirable integrity and strength. He has saved me through the darkest moments of my life. He has patiently waded through all the confusion and frustration I have thrown his way. He is a rare find.

He is mine.
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When a child naps....

2008-09-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

When a child naps, the mother can blog.... quickly.

We have had 5 great daytime naps this week, with no crying. I think last week she was mostly struggling with the jetlag, as I was. She has learned to let me comfort her a little more. And I have learned that I must not force the issue of a nap.

A few more photos...

C and M together. (C actually came over and posed with her without me asking. Cool.)

M spends a lot of time studying the different textures in the house. Here's she's feeling the caning on the dining chair. She also studies the carpet, the wall texture, and the metal strip that separates our carpet from the kitchen floor vinyl. I think she's making up for the lack of different textures she was exposed to at the orphanage.

M had an afternoon nap yesterday and she was the absolute happiest I ever seen her when she woke up. She spent a good half-hour playing with this activity table, in particular the spinning ball with little balls in it. I think she enjoys having the time and toys all to herself. She babbled, howled and squealed the whole time. One of her diagnoses from the orphanage was speech delay and I can see that she is developing her speech capabilities full speed. She is so much more vocal now than she was two weeks ago. One of her noises when coming out of the orphanage was to inhale with vocal sounds. Now most of her vocalizing is using her exhales; she must have found that she can make more sounds this way.

I see mischief coming soon!

A few first week pics

2008-09-10T21:41:00.000-07:00

The second week of having M home has been much easier than the first. We are finally over the jet lag (it took about a week), and now we are just nursing head colds. M caught the cold over the weekend and has been a crusty oozing mess for the past four days. She was less snotty today, and I'm sure she was happier about that because she HATES having her face and nose wiped. Happily I must write that for the past three days I have been a very lucky mother and she has gone down for her nap without any fuss at all. To lessen the burden of the nap trauma, I am sort of transitioning her from two naps to one, which starts around 11 or so. She drops off when I feed her a bottle and I've made the move to the crib without her waking up. (Again, lucky me.) But the late afternoons and early evenings have been full of fuss because she's tired and cranky, but won't eat. By the time Kevin gets home, he manages to spoon a few more bites into her and give her that last bottle of the day and she goes down like a lamb for him. Then we try to finish up the night's chores without passing out before C and K go to bed.

Daytimes are manageable for me when M takes a nap. And my days have slowed WAY down this past week. I have been watching the Food Network during the day... the ultimate luxury for me. Today, Rachel Ray was making some really tasty food that was totally inspiring, if I could only have that much stamina around dinner time!

Some photos... not the best, but I really haven't had enough energy to lift the camera since we've been home.

Here we are happily together the day we returned from Russia with M.

Our pink princess with a Russian tiara (or whatever that thing is called)!

K being the big sister. Today K sat in the car with M while I ran C over to his soccer practice and when I returned K said that M had eaten the book she was showing her. I told K it was okay... that why we use board books for babies. Later I had to scratch board book crumbs off M's chin. Mmmmm, paper.

M had never fed herself before we took her from the orphanage, unless you call having the spoon held in your hand and being fed with it self-feeding. (No.) On day three of having M she reached for her first Cheerio and tried to get it into her mouth. Here she is on her third day home working on Cheerios and stale toast. She totally digs Cheerios now and really enjoys being able to feed herself. She can also grab a graham cracker and eat it.

Here is M's classic comfort pose. She sucks her thumb with her hand turned palm up, and takes the fingers of her other hand and taps, rubs or pinches her wrist and palm. Then she'll alternate with the other thumb, doing the same thing on the other side. When she's really upset she'll whine and/or whimper while doing this. (Thankfully I haven't heard too much of that the past few days with our improved nap situation.)

The kids are starting to get over the novelty of having a new baby in the house and reverting back to their own interests, which I expect is normal. They both enjoy pushing M in the stroller, and K will spend more time with her than C, but not for very long. I'm not pushing it at all and have told the kids that M may not be all that interesting right now but in time she will be. M does like being around the kids though. And I am SO convinced that this is the right baby for us because she likes getting into the car to go get the kids from school! She babbles away when they are riding in the backseat with her. Big sigh of relief there.

We have our first pediatrician appointment next week, although I wish it were sooner because already it seems like M is growing and I really want to have her measured for a benchmark. I also had her out in the cold on Monday and when we got home it seemed like she broke out in hives where she was cold. At first I thought she was allergic to polyester because she had a new sweatshirt on... a scary thought. (Not that we all dress in polyester... but a 50/50 sweatshirt is so nice and soft; and isn't every stuffed animal on the planet polyester?) She was still a little pink the next morning, but mostly cleared up. I think it may have been the cold, and that she's never been exposed to anything less than 65F... we had fog blowing in that night. Her little body has not been seasoned to the outdoors, and her cheeks were a bit chapped too. She's like a perfect little doll, thrown into our "let's go kill ourselves having fun" lifestyle. Poor thing!

On the way to K's soccer practice Monday night K mentioned that M's head was wiggling back and forth in her car seat as I was driving a windy road. (Every road from our house to anywhere is windy.) I told K that M didn't have her "windy road car neck muscles" strong yet. Poor thing!

But this poor thing loves to be cuddled and every day when I go to pick her up from her nap she looks at me and I can tell she's thinking, "Hey, you're that same lady that was here before!" She gives me the strangest look, and I wonder what the heck, does my hair look funny? But I think she must be amazed that I'm the same person. Today C and K wanted to watch the end of Star Wars (not really what I want M to be watching yet) so I held her close to me where she couldn't really see it and she was very content to just lay there with me. I think she's doing well.

When I'm not wiping off her face and nose.

Need a little help...

2008-09-07T17:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a week now that M has been home. She has been sleeping through the night consistently the past three nights and I am very thankful for this. But I have been unsuccessful at getting her to go down for a daytime nap, morning or afternoon. She screams like someone is pulling out her toenails!

I had tried laying down with her, making sure her tummy is full, laying her down half asleep, patting her, ignoring her, picking her up, putting her down, changing her diaper, sitting with her. Nothing seems to work. There was no mention of this behavior from the orphanage workers. They said she stands up until everyone is settled and then lays down herself. No mention of crying.

The room in which we are giving her naps is our bedroom, and it's relatively quiet compared to the rest of the house. I just wonder what is going through her head when I lay her down for a nap. I really have no idea. She goes to bed at night in the same place without a fuss. And if you can catch her really exhausted she will nap there... but that's only happened two or three times.

So, has anyone experienced anything like this? Is this still a symptom of the jet lag? We didn't have this kind of trouble when we were in Russia, but I don't think it had sunk in with her that we were her captors quite yet.

She seems quite content with us when she's awake. She likes coming with us on our car rides and being with the kids. She just doesn't want to go to sleep.

Any insights would be most welcome.

Almost a week now

2008-09-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

We've been home with M almost a week now and we are slowing shaking off the jet lag. It has been a challenging week.

C and K started school last week and are both playing soccer. So when Kevin's parents left us Sunday afternoon, we were on our own and pretty much had to jump right back into our lives, but with an 11-month-old baby in a foreign country, with strange caregivers, HOT weather, and different food.

M is remarkably flexible and doesn't complain about being dragged up out of a nap to get in the car to pick up the kids, or to go to a soccer practice. She's not particularly happy about it, but she likes to be with us, and she likes to ride in the stroller. She's not too keen on having hoards of strange kids at school gather round and poke at her (poor thing) and I keep having to shoo them away. We're big news at school and everyone is curious. M looks very Asian (from her father, we guess) and the kids are not bashful about suggesting that she looks Chinese. I am relieved to hear their questions and comments, because I would expect most people are wondering why we don't have a Caucasian baby after adopting from Russia. We found that there are so many different ethnic groups in Russia... more than we imagined. We think she is half Russian (mother) and half either Kazakh or Kalmyk. Kalmykia is a small republic within Russia that is very close to Stavropol and is made up of Central Asian descendents from nomadic Mongols a thousand years ago (or so). At any rate, M is Caucasian. She is from the Caucasus region!

I am still trying to figure out how to get M to sleep during the day. She fights her morning nap and screams! No comforting from me to get her to lay down again helps. Her bowel system is still off and she usually upsets herself more with a dirty diaper. Yesterday I think her crying was partly just grief that everything she knew and was familiar with is gone. I held her and comforted her and it was a good moment for me. I also realized that she was hungry. It's taking me a while to figure out what she needs. I was told it takes a couple of weeks to be able to figure out how to soothe an adopted baby. I learned this from an experienced adoptive couple who sat next to us on the flight from Moscow to Atlanta, with their third child from Russia.

The flight... it was brutal. Getting through the airport in Moscow was easy enough because M was comfortable sitting in the stroller. But you have to get there early, and then you wait and wait and wait for the plane to board. Then you're on the plane. For 11 hours. I counted four couples including us that were adopting, plus other babies too. I don't recall one moment when there wasn't crying coming from somewhere on the plane. As I mentioned, we sat next to another adoptive couple. Their daughter was 15 months old and was having such a difficult time sleeping. They had to keep getting up with her and walking around the airplane. They were saints! But while I enjoyed chatting with them between screams, I almost wished we had sat a little further apart, because their daughter would wake M from her catnap, then M would scream. Then they would settle, and M would get fussy and upset their daughter. Back and forth... and across the other direction some young girl insisted on leaving her window open for the ultra-bright sun to shine right in and I had the darndest time blocking it from M's eyes. I was
so happy to deboard the plane. And all the passengers around us were probably even more relieved.

M didn't get sick, but early this morning I heard her stuffy nose whistling and she tried to suck her thumb. She's got a cold finally. Kev just walked in with her... what a smiley face! I love that about her! But her poor lip is all crusted with schputz.

My blog-time is up for now. Please excuse as I will not have time to proof-read. More to come, later!

Home safe - More to follow...

2008-09-01T06:38:00.000-07:00

We arrived home safely very late Saturday night (1am) after traveling for nearly 24 hours. M was a trooper, but not without putting us through our paces. I will write more about the journey after we settle in and catch up on some sleep. I am happy to report that she did not get sick on or before the flight. Whew! Home, free - so to speak.

The meeting of C, K and M went fantastic. C and K were bouncing off the walls all day yesterday, bringing all their old baby toys out to M. She took it all in stride and seemed to enjoy their company. After a while C and K would get interested and play with the baby toys themselves, while M would entertain herself. She is quite comfortable with them and I am so happy to see that! I think she likes being on the receiving end of this much attention and not having to compete with other babies for toys or affection.

We've been having a little trouble feeding her and getting her to sleep at certain times (like in the middle of the night). Some strange thing she ate yesterday started coming out in squirts which made her quite unhappy last night. I'm writing down everything she eats now so I can keep track of any problematic foods.

We'll get some pictures up soon.

An Adoptive Mother in Moscow

2008-08-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine has been corresponding with me while we've been here and asked me a lot of questions. After sending her an email letting her know how our day went, I thought that most of the content might be interesting for everyone here too.

She asked... What are you doing with your time in Moscow? Do you have lots of appointments or it it just a lot of waiting? It's weird that the weather changed so drastically. How is she sleeping? Is she interacting with you quite a bit in the hotel? Does she like Kevin?

Hi! It's good to have someone to correspond with because as you can tell I have a little more time on my hands here than when I'm at home (doing laundry). M is asleep right now... we just finished dinner and Kevin just got back from a run to the grocery store. Everything here at the hotel is so expensive that it makes sense to go out to the store for simple things like bottled water, milk, and yogurt.

Our time here in Moscow... well, today we didn't have any appointments so we woke up somewhere between 6:30 and 7am (because M woke up then... the usual time for her); we had room service for breakfast (because we couldn't get everyone dressed and out for breakfast downstairs); M napped; we all dressed and went out for an excursion to Red Square; lunch near Red Square; back to the hotel and M fell asleep on the way; back in the room she woke up; we had 2-3 hours of fussing because I'm not feeding her like the orphanage does; major poop; more fussing; a half-hour nap while dinner arrives in the room; M woke up and fussed more until I feed her my mashed potatoes; more fussing and then I cuddled with her on the bed. Now she's asleep again. I hope she stays down.

So, to answer your question, she was sleeping great until we decided to mess her up today with our trip out and about. She was a trooper while we were out but then she made us pay for it later. I think she was hungry and backed-up. I also think that all the milk I've been giving her may be upsetting her digestive system a bit. I'm not really sure. I don't think she was getting much milk at the orphanage. I would like to give her formula but I brought mostly soy and she didn't like it yesterday. I'm saving the milk formula for the plane. I have just enough to get us home. She slept through the night all last night though, which was a blessing, because we both woke up feeling better. My cold has been better today.

Tomorrow we have one appointment at the US Embassy in the afternoon to get M's immigration paperwork. Our translator submitted the application today and everything went fine, so I expect tomorrow will be a few questions and then we'll be on our way. I want to maybe go to Old Arbat Street, which is another major tourist destination, but not sure if M will fuss about it.

She loves human interaction and she really loves how fun Kevin is. When I'm trying to settle her I have to tell him to go away so that she doesn't get stimulated by him. He's the fun guy! She likes me too though... I cuddle her, feed her almost exclusively, dress her and change her diapers. She screamed like a banshee today (first time I've heard her do that) and Kevin had to help me hold her down while I changed her first poopy diaper... I think she's so fat that her folds are kind of raw and it hurt being wiped. She wasn't too fond of me. But wha' dya gonna do? The second time was a piece of cake and she was great (after she had the first coat of Desitin).

Sidenote: M is very chubby, although she is still small for her age. She was born one month premature so that needs to be accounted for as well. I suspect though that her chubbiness is from being fed large quantities of food at the orphanage, but not necessarily high quality nutritious food. I started her on vitamin supplements today and intend to have her on formula for the next few months to compensate. But of course I will follow my pediatrician's recommendations.

Kevin is liking Moscow. He likes that we are not standing out here like we were in Stavropol (as adopting Americans), even though it's hecka-expensvie here. I like it too... wish I could see more of it but I am a little busy right now. Yes, I wish the weather was warmer, but maybe it's good that it's cold because I am less tempted to take M out everywhere. You know how we like to go go go. I'm also quite a bit underdressed for this hotel. I brought all my grubby casual clothes and then we end up at one of the swankiest hotels in the city. I feel like a total frau in my frayed capris and sweatshirt. But I have lots of mascara on to make up for it.

I hope all is going well with you. Have the kids started school yet? C and K started Wednesday. We decided to call them up (note: Skype, only 2 cents per minute!) and wish them a happy first day of school so we called them at 7am. (They have to leave at 8). Kevin's parents hadn't gotten them up yet and told us to call back in 10 minutes. So we called back and wished them a good day (and heard C being urged to hurry up and get dressed! Sounds just like home. =) I can't wait to get home. In Red Square today I was so homesick for them that I started to cry. I want to go home and never be away from them again. It's been a hard summer that way.

Thank you for all your prayers, again! Please keep M's health in your prayers. If she can wait until we get home to catch this cold then all will be well. I don't know what we would do if she caught croup on the plane.

Kevin and I just agreed to give each other turns using the pool tomorrow. I'm going to sneak off to the steam room!!!

Red Square

2008-08-28T05:37:00.000-07:00

Despite the cool and showery weather here in Moscow, we made it to Red Square this afternoon for the required photo shoot and lunch at one of the cafes.

M tried some spaghetti bolognese.

Whoa, Dad.
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Long Day to Moscow

2008-08-27T10:38:00.001-07:00

We awoke at 5:30 to be ready for our driver and translator to pick us up at 6:30 to go to the airport. Kevin and I over the years have reverted back to being last minute people, because we haven't had babies for a while. This morning I was reminded that I need to be a little more proactive and prepared. Five minutes before we were supposed to leave I was still feeding M a bottle and I realized that I had left myself no time for surprises. M was good though (and the translator came 5 minutes late).

In a previous post I had mentioned that there are few things that a Stavropol (or probably any typical Russian driver) will stop for. I need to add one thing to the list: a police officer waving you to the side of the road to give you a traffic ticket. Because traffic tickets seem to be little more than a small inconvenience, everyone promptly stops when waved over. I would guess the penalty for not stopping is harsh. We weren't even speeding. Anyway, we made it to the airport on time, and I hardly had to catch my breath. M did great in the car.

Ok, I have to say that this little baby of ours is amazingly flexible, patient and happy. We've spent more than 24 hours straight with her now and she's only cried out a few times, mostly when she's tired or is confined to a high chair or stroller. She stays in our arms without squirming, unless she's tired, and then we lay her down in the crib and she rolls a couple of times then goes to sleep. On the airplane I fed her a half bottle of formula at takeoff and then she passed out for her morning nap. She slept the entire way to Moscow, stretched across both our laps while an infant a couple of rows behind us howled with ear pain. She was great at the doctor's appointment and wiggled and played with his musical toy through the whole examination. Good news too... one of M's diagnoses was that she had open oval window of the heart. He said he heard no indication of it and guesses that it may have already closed. I wasn't too concerned about it anyway because it seems fairly common. I am curious how he could hear anything with all the racket from the toy that M played with.

At the orphanage the caregiver with M on the last day said that M liked everything she was fed, but didn't care for wheat cereal. Today I found out something else she doesn't like... soy formula and/or baby oatmeal cereal. She would have absolutely none of it. She happily drank the regular formula and milk that we gave her. She also liked applesauce, yogurt and cookies (like a cracker).

She comforts herself to sleep by sucking her thumbs. She alternates between each one, and they go deep into the mouth. I've never had a thumb sucker before. I think it's probably a good thing in this case because she's not wildly rocking herself to sleep. A few rolls back and forth and she's out. I hope we don't lose this ability to lay her down awake. I never had this with my twins (okay, I spoiled them... but I was a new mother).

Today I came down with a full-fledged head cold. I'm hoping that M doesn't catch it right before our flight home... that would be a drag. I feel guilty holding her and giving her kisses ... on the top of the head ... because I am a walking germ factory, but what can I do? She still gets scared and overwhelmed by things (in a quiet way) and I hold her to console her.

Gotta get some rest now. More to come later.

Moscow Eats?

2008-08-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

We made it safely to Moscow with M and the medical examination was a breeze. We are now room-bound with an almost 11-month-old baby. We've got three days... anyone have any ideas where to eat beyond the hotel with a baby? We're on Tverskaya Street at the Marriott Grand. I saw a TGIFridays down the street which is a good option. Are there other places to go too?

Thanks!!

In our hot little hands

2008-08-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

After just a handful of days at home, we returned to Russia this past Saturday and arrived in Stavropol Sunday night. When you travel back and forth to Russia a couple of times the frequent flyer miles add up, so we were able to upgrade our last flight to Russia to business class. That was a treat that I am so thankful for, because it meant that we could get some decent sleep on the flight over and we arrived much more rested. All the other amenities were appreciated too!

We received our court decree on the afternoon of the ninth day (Monday). By getting it early, it meant that we had enough time today to run around Stavropol for all of M's documents: her birth certificate, adoption certificate, passport, and other embassy paperwork. But the day was full and we didn't arrive at the orphanage until just after 6pm.

They always keep the door locked, and when our translator knocked at the door the security guard came, but he wouldn't let us in because no visitors are allowed after 6pm. I was wondering how this was going to work out when our translator made a magical call to the orphanage director who gave the okay for us to be let in. Our agency has been taking such good care of us!

We went straight to the baby room where M lives and the caregiver quickly fed her a dinner of rice cereal with pieces of bread. Then she took the clothes we brought, washed M and dressed her, and even combed her hair. Then she handed her to us. It was all a bit overwhelming, but it felt very right. We all said our goodbyes, and the caregiver wished M well and gave her several kisses on the cheek. I was misty-eyed, but also anxious to go.

Here we are outside the orphanage.

Now during almost every car ride we have had here in Stavropol I have had to catch my breath and brace myself for impending doom at least once during the trip. Our trip to the orphanage from the passport office was particularly nerve-wracking because our translator told the driver to hurry. How she sits in the front seat without a seatbelt, so relaxed... and pregnant, is beyond my understanding. As we were leaving the orphanage I could just imagine rice porridge all over my lap, so I asked our translator to ask the driver if he could slow down for the baby so she wouldn't be ill. It was the most relaxing ride through Stavropol I have ever had.

(A cultural note: Stavropol drivers tend to slow down for only a few things: stopped traffic, potholes and speed bumps. They do not slow down for pedestrians, animals, or slower cars. They simply drive around them in spaces that you swear are not large enough. As pedestrians in this city we have been overly cautious to not step out in front of any cars.)

M was good for the car ride. She sucked on her bunny through most of the trip, occasionally gazing out the window or at the driver. It turns out this has not been her first car ride. She has been out of the orphanage for her passport pictures and a medical examination.

Once at the hotel, Kevin and I looked at each other and said, "Now what? We have a baby!" So we spent about 30 minutes trying to entertain her, but she was a bit freaked out by the change of venue and people. She didn't cry, but almost did. I gave her a bottle of water and she grabbed on and drank it happily. I am glad she still drinks from the bottle, and water too.

Then I introduced her to Cheerios. She can't grab them with her fingers yet, so I gently placed one in her mouth. After making a very odd face, she moved it around in her mouth and crunched it up. Good, the Cheerios are a go. But then came the point where it was all just a little too overwhelming so she stuck her thumb deep in her mouth and squirmed in my arms. I laid her on the bed and she was out in a minute. That was an hour or two ago and she is still sleeping comfortably.

We are two happy parents today. Tomorrow morning we leave the hotel at 6:30am to make our flight back to Moscow. She'll be sitting on our laps on a crowded Russian airplane, where we'll be served smoked fish for breakfast. We have a medical examination tomorrow afternoon for the embassy and then we can take it easy. We are staying at the Marriott Grand.

Hooked on Krack

2008-08-22T08:50:00.001-07:00

And now a few shots from our hotel room....
Here's Kevin, at work while we have some free time. We asked at the front desk for internet access in the room and we were told they had none. However, they did say that they had WiFi.... Our entire stay was an exercise to not be "lost in translation".

At the local market around the corner we found the regional alternative to Pringles (which are quite popular in Russia, it seems). So we were doing Krack(s) most of the week.

Post-court Krack.

Stavropol Trip #2 Photos

2008-08-21T08:03:00.001-07:00

Finally, I have been able to load my Stavropol photos. Here is a snapshot of our stay in the city.

Here is a flower bed being planted in June, when we were in Stavropol for our first trip.

Here is the same bed in August. It's beautiful!

Another lovely flower bed. Stavropol takes great pride in their gardens. Flowers are planted throughout the city. And citizens of the city make great use of the parks. As we walked around it was common to see every park bench occupied.

A peacock.

Something you don't see everyday.

This is not the most attractive picture, but what I see in it is the growth potential of Stavropol. Each one of these buildings near our hotel looks brand new. The area between them is fenced off dirt, assorted parking, trash. However, I see this corridor finally becoming a huge plaza joining up with the plaza behind the EuroHotel. Perhaps in a year or two.

Stavropol is full of WWII monuments, which is known as the Great Patriotic War. Here is another that Kevin happened upon during his early morning run.

This is how most of the flower beds are watered. Workers were hand digging long lengths of trenches to install automatic watering to the beds around the plaza near the hotel. More progress.

The mud chicken, waiting to be planted in June.

The mud chicken is now the organic, free range chicken.

A few short days

2008-08-21T06:01:00.000-07:00

I had a very nice post planned with pictures of our trip to Stavropol, but Blogger is not cooperating this morning. I may not get to it again until after we return from our third trip. While the internet connection in Stavropol is fairly fast, there is some sort of proxy server they have set up in the hotel that counts your throughput, so uploading photos from Stavropol reaches our limit quickly.

We arrived home late Monday night. Kevin had an important meeting Tuesday morning at work, so we parted ways at the airport. He rode home in a fancy towncar and I drove up to his parents to rejoin the kids. We only have a few short days with C and K, and while my internal time-clock is totally tweaked right now, I am enjoying every mundane second of it.

We left Stavropol Sunday morning and arrived in Moscow around 11am. We had the whole afternoon to kick around so we checked into our hotel near the airport, had lunch, and then took their free shuttle to the Metro station with a line that headed downtown. This time we wanted to see the Armory Museum inside the Kremlin. Kevin waited in line - a miserable affair for him with crowding and line-cutting, not to mention the cramped hot quarters of the ticket office for the Kremlin. They didn't start selling tickets for the 4:30pm tour until 3:45pm, but he had to wait 20-30 minutes because they only sell a fixed number of tickets for each session (which translated to "seance" by the way. It was nothing like a seance, although I've never been to a seance... but of course now I guess I have!) While Kevin was suffering in line, and getting some brief satisfaction as he watched a young German woman chew out a Russian fellow for line-cutting (he pretended not to understand and never moved), I sauntered off in the hot sun and did some relaxing, albeit sweaty, souvenir shopping. When I returned, the ticket office was open and Kevin was next in line. He bought our tickets and after leaving the office (and nearly having a heart attack) we were off to see the Armory. If you have a hot afternoon in Moscow and have never been, I recommend it. It's fully air-conditioned. It's also full of the treasures of old Russia. Gemstones the size of which I would never have imagined, ornate crowns, carriages, thrones. After the Armory, we headed up to Tverskoy Street and had dinner at Pushkin Cafe. What a very aristocratic, fine dining experience.

Now we are home, but leaving again early Saturday morning. Kevin's parents are coming to our house to stay with the kids for the week while we are away, since they are starting school next week. It's a good thing I got the house ready before this past trip, because there's no time to do any of that now. Just errands, laundry and bills to pay. And best of all, kids to love!

Court Day #2

2008-08-15T05:34:00.000-07:00

We had our second day of court today and we are now the very proud parents of M. We need to wait 10 days in order for the final court decree to be issued, and then we can bring her home! (And post pictures.)

Court went smoothly, again. We were there with our translator and attorney. Also present were representatives from the Ministry of Education and Ministry of Health, M's social worker, the orphanage director and the prosecutor. Our translator translated everyone's testimony for us to hear, as well as everything that the judge said. Everyone, save the prosecutor and Kevin, was a woman. And all of these people's testimonies reinforced to me that they truly wanted M to have a good home and happy life. Part of the hearing involved listening to the judge review our dossier, document by document. While this was boring to our translator, I listened attentively because here was a summation of all the hard work, dollars and stress that have been the reality of this adoption until the moment we met M. I had the feeling you have when you walk out of a college final or hand in a thesis. Gratification and relief.

But there is much more than that... now we have a new daughter! We get to see her tomorrow afternoon one more time before we return home briefly for the 10-day waiting period. Kevin asked our coordinator if it was possible to stay during the 10 days but our coordinator said that we cannot. Apparently Stavropol is a region where our agency does not support families that stay for the 10-days. In addition, they are not comfortable having families stay in the south so close to the Georgian conflict. That is the first time I heard them make reference to what is going on in the south without us asking. But we were reassured that it is completely safe here and that we should have no trouble returning. I truly hope so.

While I wish that our time at home between the trips wasn't so short, I am anxious to get home to see C and K. Also, it gives me the opportunity to get them ready for school, and to spend a few more days of summer vacation with them. Their grandparents will come to our house for the third trip because the kids start school a few days after we leave. Our third trip will be short too, only 7 to 8 days. We are scheduled to arrive in Stavropol August 24th, and to return home from Moscow August 30th. M will be 11 months old on that day.

To celebrate our successful days in court, on the way back to the hotel Kevin and I stopped at one of the street corners where a Kvas cart was stationed and we both had a cup of kvas to commemorate our day. I'm sure we were quite a sight, two nicely dressed Americans drinking kvas and taking pictures. But it was fun!

I promise to post more about Stavropol when I have uploaded the pictures.

Court Day #1

2008-08-14T04:22:00.000-07:00

We just returned from our first appearance at court here in Stavropol. Everything went well. The judge interviewed both Kevin and I for about 30 to 40 minutes, then she interviewed our attorney and M's social worker. All the testimony went smoothly and nothing unexpected came up.

We were told that the 10-day wait is not being waived unless the child has a medical emergency. So we're going to roll with that. We have another meeting with our coordinator in a few minutes and then we are on our own for the rest of the day.

Stavropol - Trip 2

2008-08-12T06:02:00.000-07:00

We made it to Stavropol last night without any problems. We arrived at the San Francisco airport so early (3:15am) that we were the first in line to check in. We also opened the security line, as well as the breakfast cafe (by now 5am). By 6 we were on our way to Atlanta, and then on to Moscow. We had a nice lunch in Moscow at a hotel close to the airport and met our driver who took us to Vnukovo Airport on the other side of Moscow. Our coordinator met us there and flew with us to Stavropol. No sidetrips to Mineralnye Vody this time! We are staying at the Eurohotel again. It's quite warm in Stavropol (high 80's to low 90's) with some humidity. So the air conditioner in our room is a wonderful luxury.

On to the important stuff...

Wet met with our translator this morning and went to the orphanage to meet with the director there and to see M. Our meeting with the director was a review of M's physical history, plus an update with her most recent medical examination report. She is healthy! The director and our translator wanted to make sure that we were prepared to have M examined by all the right physicians when we come home. I reassured them that we would provide for all of her medical needs. Here in Russia, the medical system has about 6-8 different physicians that examine the children on a normal basis... neurologists, cardiologists, surgeons, eye specialists, speech specialists, etc. I tried very hard to convey that even though we would only be seeing one or two doctors at home, that if we needed to see a specialist we definitely would.

After we signed the medical report we were taken to see M. Since we last saw her she was moved to the older baby room. She was in the playpen with the other babies when we arrived. She was standing, holding herself up by the rails of the playpen. They whisked her away and dressed her in a disposable diaper and a lightweight dress for our visit. She is still the happy baby that we met two months ago, except that in that period she broke through 5 (FIVE!) teeth! Her hair is a little longer, and is starting to get a wave to it. She looks so great!

The new baby room that she is in is the same size and layout as the previous room, but with only one large playpen. In this new room the babies are taught to feed themselves with a spoon (I watched them feed M a whole bowl of mashed potatoes, vegetables, and ground meat for lunch), they drink from a cup (no more bottles), and they sit for a long time on their little potties after eating. I can't believe that these little 10+ month babies will actually sit still on their potties, but they do. It's like a little potty party in the middle of the room. After the babies were fed, one of the caregivers joined them and entertained them while they sat. We didn't have to watch M on the potty, thankfully. It was already hard watching them hold her hand with a spoon and feed her with it. They don't waste any time between spoonfuls, either. I can't wait to bring her home and let her stay a baby for as long as she needs.

It was a wonderful visit, albeit short. We will get to visit with her for longer tomorrow. Tomorrow we also begin our preparations for court, which is two days, Thursday and Friday. We suspect that we will not have our 10-day waiting period waived, because our coordinator mentioned that the death of the adopted Russian baby boy in early July is on the minds of everyone here. But we are still hoping.

Nesting and Attachment

2008-08-07T08:59:00.000-07:00

This week and last have been a rush to get this house ready for a baby. I've saved this work for the end because I didn't want to be totally hung out to dry if the adoption fell through. But with only a few days left until we travel, and no news (you know, no news is good news) I had to get busy.

So, over the past couple of weekends, I pulled all of our baby stuff out of the garage attic. High chair, jumpy seat, car seat, crib drawer... and boxes and boxes of baby clothes. Sorting baby clothes was an arduous process. 7-year-old spit-up stains don't wash out and I have an enormous trash bag of stuff that needs to get thrown out or recycled into car rags. And then there were boxes and boxes of hand-me-down clothes which ended up going to the Goodwill because they were too small. But where were K's little clothes from when she was one year old? I couldn't find but a handful of things.

At the same time K had pulled out a photo album from that time and as I was flipping through it I realized that she spent the majority of that period wearing her boy cousins' hand-me-downs with C. Poor thing! (But they were comfortable.) M will be getting a few new clothing items, I think.

It's hard going through baby clothes. I put it off forever because I thought the day would come when I could sort through it all and use it again. This is exactly what is happening, but it's still hard. So many memories of C as a baby boy! I couldn't get rid of those clothes... they are repacked in a couple of boxes. Just in case there's another little boy in our future, someday.

(I've got to be crazy!)

But LOOK! Suz has all of that to look forward to. What an awesome turn of events for her and her family!

Today the carpet cleaners are coming to suck up the year's worth of shoe dirt and redwood dust that has accumulated in our carpets. Now M can crawl and grind her knees and nose into the nice, clean floor!

I only have two more days alone with C and K before we leave for Russia. What a strange, strange feeling. I am sad that this time with just them is coming to a close. I try to look forward to having another baby in the house and all the joy that entails, but it is so hard to imagine what that is going to be like. I was describing it to my friend, Mollie, and she said it was like living two separate lives and trying to merge them. Right now there is my life here at home, and my life in Russia with M. To be honest, I am a bit nervous and scared of how things will go when we get home. But after looking again at the pictures of M, I have an inkling that she will be an angel to us. Her happy smile and laughing eyes. I have to look forward to the great joy that we will have again with a baby and soon-to-be toddler.

I haven't been reading too much adoption-related material, but the other night after cleaning the house from top to bottom getting ready to do the carpets, I figured I'd better get some attachment reading in. So I was cramming the "Attaching in Adoption" book by Deborah Gray. I know why I saved that for last... attachment issues are alarmingly scary. But reading the book helped, and I found this website, which has a lot of useful ideas for attachment as well as resources when you need more help. What was helpful to me was learning attachment issues arise from the child learning to trust no adult, and realizing that my job is to help them heal from that, and that I should not take any of their behaviors personally. What a challenge for me that will be. I have always needed that reciprocity of love.

When K and C were born, I believe K went through a small bit of attachment disorder. She was in the NICU for 10 days after the delivery, and then when she came home we had Kevin's parents, aunt, my aunt, my grandmother... friends and family... everyone was staying, helping, feeding, and dropping by. I kept getting the sense that she didn't really know that I was her mother. And then I had to go the hospital again for 10 days when she and C were five months old, and the family was here again taking care of all of us. K spent so many hours feeding on my grandmother's lap during the days because C was fussy and would not have any part of GG feeding him. I didn't realize that all of these things were keeping K from understanding that I was her real mother, and I felt a distance and only a small connection with her during that first year. During the second year it started to get better. I was healthy, they didn't need lap feeding, and the family wasn't staying as much. Now we are very very close. I don't know that I could have changed the way things happened, but I am grateful that I now understand attachment a little bit. And I am always grateful that we are all healthy and together. I have to hope that M will come through any issues she may have (and thankfully she is still very young) and that she will eventually be part of our family like she has always belonged here.

One week to go...

2008-08-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

When we returned home from our camping trip to Lake Tahoe I realized that these next three weeks will be the last three weeks that I spend summer vacation alone with C and K. What a bittersweet realization... I wanted to savor every moment with them, but somehow dragging them around on my adoption-related errands just doesn't count for well-spent time together.

The first week was pretty busy running around getting my ducks organized. This past week we settled down, and amazingly the kids requested that we stay home most of the days, which shows just how much I load them in the car and go. I still had stuff to do around here, but we sat down and played card games, and Monopoly, and Legos. We went to the beach one afternoon... it was heaven! I need to do that more. One more week... sigh.

Only one more week because once we leave on our trip, when we get back we will have probably 5-6 days before we leave again. And then the kids will start school on the 27th of August, and we will miss their first day of school. Soccer is starting up soon, and much as the kids enjoy the sport, it's incredibly time-consuming with the evening practices during the week and Saturdays all taken up with games. So this next week for me and the twins is going to be precious.

I think I finished my shopping for the trip yesterday. I have a few snacks I need to pick up, but the donation and gift-shopping are about wrapped up. For the caregivers, I found some hand-painted pie birds from Santa Cruz. They're a small collectible item made locally, but now I'm having second thoughts about whether these are just dumb gifts for the truly amazing women that take care of the babies day after day. It's hard buying a small, not too expensive gift, for someone you do not know, from a different country, with different customs. I thought I would personalize it by having the instructions translated into Russian and perhaps including a recipe for apple or berry pie. While pies are common in Russia (thanks to my Google browsing I know this), they are not quite the same pies that we make here. So I don't know if a pie recipe would work... plus their measurements are by weight and metrics, making it more complicated. Perhaps I am over-thinking all of this.

Well, to start this precious week, I have a wet bed to change, and a child in the shower. Gotta go for now.

A few photos of Tahoe 2008

2008-07-29T08:25:00.001-07:00

Our trip to Tahoe was as fun this year as it always is. As the kids get older, each year the camping is a little easier. I'm hoping that next year we have trouble making everything fit in the car and that I am frustrated with the dirt and having no time to myself. Isn't that an odd thing to wish for? But I am hoping that next year we will be camping with a 22-month-old baby girl.

The highlights of our trip this year included dock-jumping (of course), biking (now the kids are old enough to take their bikes on the dirt trails), pony beads, forest fairies, rafting on the Truckee river, hiking, MadLibs, bracelet knotting, the beach at Meeks Bay, marshmallow roasting, and the highlight of our trip... some dear cousins from South Carolina flew out to join us for a couple of days before heading up to Northern California to visit more family.

Here are a few photos of our trip... just the ones from my newer camera. Once we download the ones from the Powershot I'll upload those too.

The beautiful promise of childhood joy! Nothing compares to jumping off the dock.

All the cousins with their grandparents.

B and C roasting marshmallows for S'mores.

Love that S'more!

My dear sister-in-law, Laura, enjoying her own S'more.

Aunt and uncles join cousin B for a dock jump.

K building a forest fairy village with her cousins. Last year my sister-in-law brought materials to make forest fairies and made them for all the cousins... and then the parents sat back and enjoyed our free time while the kids went wild building little houses for them. This year they couldn't wait to do it again and had a whole village going, even a church!

P concentrating on his house, complete with wall-to-wall lichen carpeting.

The men cleaning up after dinner.

L, C and B... dirty and having a good time hanging out.

B jumping... I just couldn't resist... it's such a beautiful shot.

K and M at the breakfast table.

Someone's in the dog house!

Kevin and C taking a jump on the last day before we drove home.

Tahoe-bound

2008-07-12T07:52:00.000-07:00

We're heading up to Lake Tahoe again next week for our annual camping trip with Kevin's family. Today is going to be a crazy day of packing because, of all things, I haven't been able to get my head around camping this week. Why could that be?

You would think that after getting our court date Wednesday that that would have freed me up to get going on the packing and preparing for the trip. But no, I had to spend the first day stunned and spinning my wheels. Only yesterday did I realize that I'd better get moving. I finally bought the kids some new hiking shoes to give their geisha toes some wiggle room.

I think I need this vacation, but I am worried that I won't be getting stuff done for our trip coming up in August. I'll try to squeeze in some gift shopping. Oh, I just hope I can relax a little bit!

On the paperwork-is-never-done front, we've been asked to provide new medicals. Our current medicals have not expired, it's just that our coordinator expects that the judge will ask for a special stamp or seal on the medical forms from the medical clinic where our doctor is employed. And not just the name and address stamp but an official-looking round seal or stamp, like the apostille stamp, or embossed stamp of the notary. This is another item that I need to hand over to God because it's been stressing me out. Has anyone else been asked for something like this?

And today we will need to make more airline reservations. We'll be flying on Delta this time, and I thought it would be good to use a travel agent recommended by our agency. However, the travel agent doesn't book Delta so that's a no-go. Perhaps I can relax a little bit once we get these tickets.

I hope to provide some good photos of our trip this next week. In the meantime, check out this post and this other post for photos of what we have in store for us this coming week.

Okay, I'd better get moving.
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We have a court date

2008-07-09T16:49:00.000-07:00

I talked to our agency today and our court date is scheduled for August 15th. We are supposed to arrive in Moscow on August 11th. I was in quite a daze when I got the news and will confirm it tomorrow when I talk to them again.

Isn't that weird... a court date in August? I certainly didn't expect anything in August since I thought everything shut down that month. But it's good news! It gives us adequate time to prepare for the trip. I was freaking out a bit this week because we have our annual Tahoe trip coming up Sunday and I've been unable to even think about that with the court date up in the air. So now there's plenty of time to go camping, come home, get more documents prepared (and yes, we need new medicals, now with an official seal or stamp from the medical clinic), and get ready for the trip.

I'm quite proud of my new blog look, by the way. Elle did the work on it. I'm still trying to figure out the new blogger widgets and how to tweak the elements. One of these days (realistically, never) I may actually learn HTML.
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June Family Photos

2008-07-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

These were taken with my new camera.

K is being kidnapped by some of the non-native wildlife while C tries to rescue her. (A movie will be forthcoming....)

C at his last Little League game of the season.

K playing Ode to Joy at her first piano recital.

K going for her birthday ride on Misty, the POA pony she takes her lessons on.

Giving Misty a rinse after the ride. It was a warm day.

C's new mount.

Blowing out candles on their birthday. K had cupcakes and C wanted pumpkin pie... and after the candles were blown out we all ate pie, even K!

K in the jump house during the party this weekend.

K taking a swing at the pinata. We had the bigger kids wear a blindfold for the first round of swings, until we realized we would be there forever if someone didn't really start pounding on it. It finally broke after three rounds.

How many dad's does it take to light candles on a birthday boy's pie? It took three (3) dads to finally light C's candles!

What the garden is looking like right now. The lighting of these two garden photographs is yellow because the smoke from the Big Sur Basin fire was covering the sky and raining ashes upon us last Sunday. The fire is still burning out of control, and the town of Big Sur is in danger. The terrain is so steep and heavily fueled they don't think they'll be able to get the fire put out until August.

Another view of the garden, from atop the water tank. You can see my bean poles in the upper left, and the kids' boxes on the second level. We are having two contests this year: a sunflower contest (prizes for the tallest, biggest flower, prettiest flower) and a pumpkin contest (prizes for largest, smallest, orangest, greenest, and most pumpkins per vine). K is winning with the tallest sunflower right now. She kisses it and gives it presents. C's pumpkin vines are out of control!

And then Tuesday and Wednesday spun by

2008-07-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

Monday was a nice relaxing day. Tuesday morning I found out that I needed to get all those documents I chased down last week apostilled and mailed to Maryland ASAP, so that a family traveling this weekend can courier them to our coordinator in Russia. I was dreading taking the kids with me, because the last time I took them K was very uncooperative and miserable. Road food. So I called my sister-in-law, J, who lives sort of on the way and she agreed to take the kids for the day. They hopped out of bed so fast when I told them they would get to spend the day with their cousins! Driving to Sacramento without kids takes about 1/3 less the time, and I got to eat at In-N-Out - a rare treat. My documents were apostilled and FedEx'd to Maryland in record time.

This morning I was basking in the glory of document-completeness when I thought that I ought to check the FedEx tracking number to make sure they arrived. Uh, no they had not. Bad weather and mechanical difficulties, I was told. So I alerted my agency, who then called the office in Maryland and we got some interesting news.

So our coordinator has shown everything to the judge already, but the judge needs to see the apostilles before she can grant the court date. That should happen some time after they receive that package I sent off.

In the meantime, there's yet another document with a date on it that will expire soon... some letter from Social Services regarding our Home Study agency - something out of my control - that's needs to be updated.

And a happy task - filling out more visa applications for the second trip, which also need to be sent out ASAP. Not a bad sign.

Nevertheless, it was not the relaxing day I was hoping for. But we spent some time down at the health club pool this afternoon and it felt good to unwind and talk to a good friend.

A family traveling home with their newly adopted daughter told me in the Moscow airport, "We were so busy between trip one and trip two." No kidding!

[Another good bit of news: one of our cats, Bodhi, decided to go visit his previous owner (our neighbor) and not come home the past two days. When a cat disappears in the woods here, you try not to assume that they've become a coyote's dinner, but you also can't help but wonder. So I called around today and found out he'd been catching rats for his previous owner. What a relief! And what a brat, not coming when all three of us were calling him all day long. He's home now, and on restriction.]

News bits and packing for Trip #2

2008-06-30T22:07:00.001-07:00

Today I heard from our agency that the documents that I completed last week were reviewed and approved by our coordinator in Russia. So I hope that this week she will take our completed dossier and submit it to the judge in Stavropol for review, and to receive a court date. Hopefully it will be this summer.

The kids and I had a lazy summer day today. It was nice not having any obligations.

i'm starting to get my packing list together for our second trip. I know it's wishful thinking that the 10-day waiting period will be waived, but I think I should probably bring a few baby items just in case it is. So I've been shopping for a few bottles, nipples, formula, etc. I have a list of stuff to bring for the baby, but I want to streamline it in case we end up just bringing it home and then back to Russia again.

I'm also starting to think about gifts for the people that have helped us in Russia. It has been suggested to us to bring five nicer gifts, along with some gifts for the caregivers at the orphanage. We were specifically told "no candles, no frames, no diamonds (really?), no food". I have an idea for the nicer gifts, but I'm still wondering what gifts others have brought, in particular to the orphanage caregivers. Dish towels was a suggestion but I'd like to do a bit more than that. What seemed to be well-received to those of you that have been through this before?

I was at the drug store today and purchased some Desitin and baby vitamins for orphanage donations. Only 4 tubes and 3 packages so far. How much is appropriate to bring? What were some of the things that you donated to the orphanage? We will bring in some packages of diapers purchased in Russia, too.

Packing Highlights from Trip #1

2008-06-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

I thought I should probably review some of the key things that helped us on our recent Trip #1:

1) Melatonin - taking some of this right before bed every night really helped to alleviate the jet lag.

2) Noise-canceling headphones - these headphones make the plane rides far less exhausting by cutting out much of the engine noise inside the plane. They really make the trip seem half as long. You can also plug them into the plane's jack for music or movies, or your iPod or laptop.

3) Power converter, and plug adapters. We brought a power converter for our laptop and chargers, but the first time we plugged it into our room in Stavropol we tripped the breaker for the room and were fishing out our book lights to see. After having our power restored we used a different outlet and all seemed fine for a day or two. Then our converter melted down and was unusable. We thought we were out of luck for charging our camera battery, phone, and laptop when we realized that all the transformers for these items could handle up to 220 or 240 volts. So just a simple plug adaptor worked to get us powered again. My recommendation is to bring both: a brand new convertor (bought ours at Brookstone), and a set of plug adaptors. (Our convertor made a trip to Yekaterinburg 18 months prior without issue.)

4) Carry-on luggage if you have to make a connection with less than 2 hours between flights. There was plenty of room in my carry-on suitcase for everything I needed.

5) Deodorant/Antiperspirant. Yeah, I know.... duh. Normally I'm not a smelly sweater. (Interpret how you would like.) But there's something about traveling for a day and a half, the stress, and the Russian air that brings out the stink in the most flowery individual. And there were no washclothes in the hotel bathrooms we stayed at.

The luxury item:

6) Kevin's employer supplied him with a brand new Blackberry Pearl with world-coverage so that he could remain in touch with work. It didn't take me long to swipe it and start typing little notes to the kids every chance I got. The kids are now old enough to read and write, so I felt so much more in touch with them. I actually preferred using email to talking on the phone. (They aren't old enough to be good phone talkers yet.)

And the prescription item:

7) Since I had some major anxiety issues the last time I was in Russia 18 months ago, I asked my doctor for some medication in case the anxiety flared up again. I did start to get a little tweaked the first evening after meeting M, and after Kevin coaxed me to try the medicine, I'm glad I did. Half a pill killed the anxiety and I felt totally normal. The next morning I started getting a bit fluttery again so I took the other half. I didn't need any more after that. I think that the Melatonin helped me to get enough rest throughout the night to help, plus the whole experience of this trip was just better.

Thanks for letting me vent

2008-06-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better now. Thank you all for the advice... and I agree that saying nothing is the most prudent.

What is the most amazing thing to me is my daughter. I've learned the most from her today. She was obviously bothered about it last night, but today it's as if nothing happened. I wish I could be so unaffected. She's the one who convinced me that it's just not that big of a deal. So I'm much better.

Girlfriends

2008-06-29T08:20:00.000-07:00

We had the birthday party for the kids yesterday evening. It took a full day of preparation. I cooked again. And we were able to share our good news and pictures with friends and family about M. It turned out great! My brother-in-law grilled up some marinated shrimp; Kevin grilled some of the best tritip I have ever tasted. And my son wanted pumpkin pie instead of cake, and amazingly, most of the guests (even some of the kids) chose pumpkin pie (over cake with whipped cream frosting, no less).

It was a great party. But I am sad and perhaps letting something get to me that I should brush off. I had C and K both invite 4 of their friends from their class, a total of 8. C had two of the three friends that RSVP'd show up with their families. That was cool. Two of the 4 friends K invited RSVP'd that they would be able to make it, and last night neither girl came. K had none of her girlfriends from school come to her party. Thank God the party wasn't just for K! About halfway into it she ran up to me and said that her two friends hadn't come yet and could she call them. I started to say 'Yes' and then I had enough sense to say 'No, they may have had some family emergency. We shouldn't bother them.'

Anyway, I know I am dwelling on this too much, but I am so heartbroken for her. She is such a good little girl and always loves to be with other people. To her the greatest thing in the world is to have play-time with her friends. I certainly don't blame her little friends... they are only seven, too. And I don't want to blame the parents, but also can't help but be disappointed.

Right now the only thing I know how to do is to be thankful that when K is at school that she has a great rapport with her little friends. They all call to each other and are generous with hugs. And I pray that as she gets older that she will develop some true girlfriends that will love and support her through whatever may come. Just as my girlfriends have for me.

What next?

2008-06-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

We arrived in San Francisco from our trip to Stavropol late Friday night and drove to Kevin's parents to spend the night and pick up C and K. C and K did well the week we were gone. Grandma and Grandpa had them in swim lessons nearly every day, took them to the library three times, picnicked at Pt. Reyes, went to a museum and saw Kung Fu Panda. I think his parents were tired! But C and K were in good spirits, and unbelievably well-behaved for having us gone so long. They have also been so polite and helpful since we've come home. It's been really nice!

We spent the weekend recovering from our jet lag (thank you again, Melatonin). And since Monday I have been chasing down the last three documents I need. I finally had them all in hand Wednesday at 5pm, and scanned and emailed them to my agency last night. They should be in the hands of our coordinator Friday and if she is satisfied, the whole dossier will be presented to the judge. Our agency and our coordinator and translators in Russia are working hard to try to have us return for a court date in July,
so that we can bring M home before the August holiday.

July is going to be a busy month if we go to Russia twice, not to mention the annual family camping trip to Lake Tahoe. While I love the camping trip, I'm actually hoping that we are in Russia during the trip. I think it would be easier for Kevin's parents (and everyone else) to watch the kids that week because all the aunts and uncles can share the job of watching them. Plus, the kids will be occupied playing with their cousins. They'll just need food and a place to sleep. So we'll see what happens.

So today and tomorrow I get to do some more mundane activities, like grocery shopping and planning the kids' birthday party which we postponed to Saturday. And one of these days I will upload some pictures from my good camera.

Next week, I may actually dive into the piles of boxes in the garage that hold all the clothing from the kids for the past 7 years. I can start pulling stuff out to wash and prepare for M. I can't wait!

Gotta get the kids up now so we can take Smokey cat to the vet...

Photo recap of Stavropol Trip #1

2008-06-24T07:59:00.000-07:00

Boarding the plane to Stavropol.

The beautiful clouds above Moscow.

The seat in front of Kevin was broken and I couldn't resist getting stealing this shot of the man in the Kevin's lap. He did lean forward during the meal service. We will always have a good laugh about it.

The Eurohotel is where we stayed in Stavropol. Isn't it interesting that they continue to build floors on top of the hotel, while the lower part is functioning and occupied? We didn't hear the construction, nor the disco from our room. Our audio ambience was the barking dogs across the street, which we became very fond of during our trip, once we started sleeping with our windows closed. We named them the Dogs of the Caucasus.

Lenin and I in the large square in Stavropol.

A soldier statue in tribute to the Great Patriotic War (WWII) with the Stavropol countryside in the distance.

Gardeners working in the elaborate garden borders throughout the city. They painstaking planted tiny seedlings in each flower bed and statue. Stavropol takes great pride in their gardens.

The mud chicken, waiting to be planted. When we return we'll get another shot of it planted and growing.

A pretty view of St. Basil's Cathedral in Moscow. We had an evening to spend here before boarding our flight to Atlanta the next morning.

I stole a photo of a Russian bride in Red Square.

Vladimir Lenin was trying to get me to buy a Matryoshka doll just outside Red Square. (Lovely portables in the background, but it's really nice to have them there. 15 rubles to the babushka to use one. Good luck picking the babushka who keeps her portables stocked with toilet paper.)

Etazh restaurant on Tverskaya Street has English on their menus, although our waiter didn't speak English. The food was good; I had an arugula salad and lamb chops. This shot was taken on the sly from our table through a tunnel to the hookah lounge on the other side. Exotic.... and thankfully the air conditioning kept the tobacco smoke in the lounge and away from our table.

The most ornate grocery store I have ever been in. It was fantastic, and had we not had to catch the Metro back to the hotel shuttle I would have loitered for hours. This market was right next door to the restaurant, near Pushkin Square.

Third day in Stavropol

2008-06-18T05:16:00.000-07:00

It is our third and last full day in Stavropol. We will be leaving early tomorrow morning on the only flight of the day to Moscow. We spent time yesterday at the orphanage twice to see "M", once in the morning and once in the afternoon. We signed the preliminary paperwork yesterday morning which was our intent to accept the referral of M. Today we signed the official paperwork at the notary office: the referral acceptance of M, and the court application to adopt her. The wheels are turning in Russia now. Yesterday evening I handed over our court paperwork to our coordinator, and after looking through it they determined that we only need four more documents (which they said should be easy). We don't know which documents however. The correct channels for this information must be used, so they will be informing our agency through their Moscow office. I don't question it... because it sounds like they have had some past experiences with some families that have been very opinionated and demanding. We would like to keep things simple and steady.

Seeing M again today was wonderful. She laughs so easily and craves attention from people. The caregivers mentioned that she was going to be difficult now that she has been held so frequently by us the past three days. She will be expecting to be held more. They let me feed her a bottle this afternoon and it was a great bonding experience for me. She grabbed my finger tightly and watched me as she sucked down the contents of her bottle in about two minutes. She's very cuddly. But she enjoys Kevin and his tickling and googling at her too. She is teething mightily and will shove anything hard into her mouth... rings, knuckles. She also looked carefully at the photographs of our family that we showed to her. She's very face-oriented. It was good to see her concentrate... so I know there's some wheels grinding behind all those easy smiles.

We said goodbye to her, and it was bittersweet. But I know that she is in good hands with the caregivers; they do a great job with the babies in their care. The baby room is clean, neat and doesn't smell. I was very impressed.

For the rest of the day now Kevin will work a little bit, and then we will do a little souvenir shopping. I'm looking forward to getting home and seeing C and K! I can't wait... although I believe their grandparents have been keeping them busy taking them to swimming lessons and the library. They even went to see Kung Fu Panda!

Stavropol

2008-06-16T05:45:00.000-07:00

We arrived in Stavropol last night after a very long trip. We flew out of San Francisco at 6:30am to New York, and then flew from New York to Moscow, arriving in Moscow around 11am. Kevin says it was about 17 hours total travel time. Our flight to Moscow was interesting since it was light the entire time we were in the air. We flew over Greenland and the sun never set. After arriving in Moscow we took a free shuttle to the airport Novotel hotel and had lunch there. It had a comfortable lobby that we sat (snoozed) in until our Moscow translator arrived. She was a bit late and that's when we realized that we didn't have the correct phone number for her. But we waited patiently and when she arrived we were ushered into a van that held our driver, our coordinator and another couple from Germany who would be traveling with us. We were then driven across Moscow to the alternate airport, where our translator checked us in. led us around, and even helped us through security. We flew a Russian airline to Stavropol, and it was... very Russian. The seats are packed so closely together that it's difficult to squeeze in, and their restrictions about cell phone usage and seat-backs being upright during takeoff and landing are lax. We were taking it all in stride, and then there was an announcement that we were landing, but not in Stavropol, due to some thunder and lightning in Stavropol. The plane landed at a closed airport in Mineralje Vody (Mineral Water). It was surreal. We stayed there for about an hour until we all reboarded the plane and flew the rest of the way to Stavropol. I was happy to be on the ground! It felt so good to check in to the hotel.

This afternoon, after getting a good rest and breakfast at the hotel, we were taken to the orphanage to see our baby. It was amazing! She didn't cry, but was happy and smiling. She was fascinated by both of us and I loved holding her. She was happy to sit in Kevin's lap, which everyone said was unusual, because the infants are not used to having men around. She was alert, made sounds, grabbed for the rings I brought, held them in both hands, and then they went right to the mouth. She has her two bottom teeth. Her hands and legs were strong. We couldn't put her down where we were, so we weren't able to tell if she could crawl yet. She looks so healthy and happy, and the orphanage was clean and odor-free. The caregiver was so sweet with her when she came to take her. I think we spent about 30 to 45 minutes with her. She is wonderful! After saying goodbye to her we met with the orphanage director to hear about her medical history and to get more information about her. I think it went well.

We are on our own now for dinner. Perhaps we will join up with the German couple. They are very nice, and are here for their court date to adopt two little brothers.

Tomorrow, we will see the baby again (now I need to come up with a blog name for her) and sign the paperwork to accept the referral.

I miss C and K, but it's been great because Kevin has a new Blackberry Pearl from his work that has enabled us to send emails from almost everywhere we've been so far. What is nice about this trip is that they can both read and write now, so it feels like I have closer contact with them while we are away. We will fly back to Moscow Thursday, and home Friday.

We are still carrying around our court paperwork. I won't let it out of my sight because I worked so hard for it. There's been no mention of when that will happen, but I think we will talk about it tomorrow.

Stavropol reminds me of Stockton, it's warm and is full of trees. I had a glimpse of the countryside and it looks very green, with some rolling hills. It is much more humid here than in California, but it hasn't been uncomfortable. The city seems nice, from what I've seen near the hotel and from driving to the orphanage. There are lots of flowers.

To my Windows readers: my apologies for that ridiculous weather pixie in the side column that you have probably been looking at for ages. I thought I had it commented out because the browser on my Mac wasn't showing it, but now I'm on Kevin's laptop and there it was. So now it's gone!

Docs Done

2008-06-10T23:31:00.000-07:00

Today Kevin brought home the last of the documents that I need to take to Sacramento for apostilles tomorrow. He brought home the miracle document, the insurance letter I've been trying to get. And it's notarized too! Thank you, God! Kevin was able to go through his employer to get the letters we needed from the insurance company. And I was trying to get them by contacting the claims folks. Apparently that was the wrong approach.

Usually this time of year I post a nice birthday post about the twins' birthday. But suffice it to say, I ran around town like a crazy woman yesterday getting last minute documents and birthday stuff done. I can't believe I still managed to make the pumpkin pie. And now I'm fighting off a cold. Today wasn't much better. So much to do. I knew something was going to slip completely out of my mind this week... it was our piano lesson, today after school. I felt like crap, had stuff to mail, and those perfect bills to retrieve from the bank. Our piano teacher was very kind when I apologized to her on the phone, but she delivered a mild dose of guilt too. Which of course I deserved. (I left her sitting there for 45 minutes when she could have been doing anything else! Ugh.) My docs are ready now for our trip tomorrow. And I'll take the kids to the train museum again, although I think this bribe for a 5-hour ride (total) in the car is starting to get old. At least K wasn't swayed by it. Hopefully it's our last trip for a while. Until those post-placement reports need to get done, right?

We found out the name of the hotel we are staying at in the region we are going to. I googled it, and it doesn't show up in the city that I thought we were going to, but in one or two cities on the outskirts of the entire region! I have no idea where we are going, except that it is way the heck out there.

Flights booked

2008-06-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

We booked our flights through the internet on Delta. We connect through NY on the way to Moscow, and then through Atlanta on the way home. I'm glad so many of you left advice, because I completely forgot about the adoption rate. We're going to call tomorrow to see if we can't have that applied. And for the next two trips we may use the travel agent.

The only paperwork I have left to complete is my police clearance and trying to get a notarized letter from our insurance company. We are still struggling with this... and I wonder, "Are we the only ones that have ever adopted internationally that are insured by this major insurance company?" They've never heard of such a request. I'm hoping that Kevin's employer may be able to help us. I'm still awaiting a pile of docs from our Home Study agency too, which should have arrived today but didn't.

The kids' birthday is Monday, and they have been politely reminding me not to forget. My son is so funny, this year he wants a pumpkin pie for his birthday instead of a cake. Sounds good to me too! We just came home from his Little League end-of-season party. The team mom drew C's name out of a hat and he got to take home the team banner. He's very excited, and I figured he could hang it on his bedroom wall for a while. And then I'm going to put it under the mattress of his top bunk so that you see it from the bottom bunk... it'll contain all the strings that are hanging down from the bunkbed board that tickle your nose in the middle of the night.

Also in the news, Thursday night when Kev got home from a business trip we accidentally locked a raccoon in the garage. Talk about a one-animal wrecking crew. He marched all over the cars, leaving scratches I hope will buff out. He knocked stuff down from high places. He turned on the radio. He turned on the lights. He went upstairs and messed around (I haven't been up there yet). And he chewed away at the seal lining the bottom of the garage door and left it in pieces on the floor. There was blood and other bodily fluids... poor thing was distraught! When I hit the clicker button from the house, I saw this guy shoot out of the garage and run straight down the driveway. Big excitement for the kids!

I managed to get to the mall for a couple hours Friday after I dropped my aunt off at the airport. Yes, my aunt had been visiting since Monday and I wasn't much of a host, as I was glued to the phone, my computer, and then shooting off for appointments all over the place. But she was understanding, and she played the piano for me as I printed out our new paperwork. I loved it. Now I understand why Kevin asks me to play for him, even when I play the same three songs over and over. Anyway, it is a news flash that I made it to the mall and purchased some decent clothing for the trip so that I don't have to arrive in Russia during the summer with my faded T-shirts and ratty shorts (no joke). I even bought myself a suit that I can wear for court (positive thinking).

Now for the fun shopping: a few baby sleepers for sizing, a blanket to leave at the orphanage, and some small toys. Dare I say that I am feeling fairly positive right now? I hope everything goes well, because to have a baby in the house again? What fun that will be! And to be blessed enough to share in some of those milestones, like walking, talking, maybe even crawling.

Wow!

Question - Airlines?

2008-06-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

For those of you who traveled to Russia and your first destination was Moscow before going on to another city, what airline did you use?

We need to be in Moscow before 3pm on the 15th of June. Delta is looking like the best option right now.

Or did you use a travel agent to book your flights? The internet makes it so easy to do ourselves now.

Here we go...

2008-05-31T08:44:00.000-07:00

As if life wasn't a whirlwind this time of year already, God has a sense of humor and decided to make it even more complicated!

On Wednesday we received a referral for a baby girl from Stavropol. She is very healthy, alert and incredibly cute. We spoke with Dr. Davies yesterday and he was very positive with regard to the medical information we have received. So we are going! We have to be there June 15th. And I have a ton of paperwork to complete before we go... if we can have our documents in order for the region when we arrive, the judge has been known to review them within a couple weeks and grant the court date within a month of the first visit! We might might might even have her home before August!

Most of the paperwork seems doable, although my insurance company is balking at providing a "notarized" letter for us. "They don't do notarized letters" I was informed. So hopefully I will have better luck with them on Monday, and not have to work my way up the ladder too far, and not have to drive 3 hours to Visalia! Say a prayer for this and think some good thoughts for us.

Here we go!

All is well... just busy.

2008-05-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

Right now there is a wildfire raging in the Santa Cruz Mountains. Thankfully our home is safely many miles away from the fire, and not at all in the fire's path. The high winds we have been experiencing the past few days are making the fire difficult to fight. I pray that no one gets hurt. Thank you to those who have commented and called to make sure we are okay!

We are well. The end of the school year always seems to accelerate as baseball season is in full-swing, end of the year recitals and concerts are scheduled, birthday party season starts, and school itself has Open House, field trips, and the end of the year parties. The kids' birthday is coming up next month and we're going to have a party for them on Friday the 13th. Good thing I'm not superstitious (knock on wood). Oh, there goes our black cat across the yard....

The garden is in and growing. I'll get some pictures up soon. I turned over the first three boxes the day of the vlog, and then you didn't hear much from me after that because I was such a wreck it took me a week to recover before I could do another three boxes. And then another week before I could finish the final two. The kids planted their seeds, and then I planted mine... a week later it was all coming up! We've had some problems with hungry bugs mowing down some of the seedlings, but otherwise we're off to a good start.

But my back still hurts. I went to an over-zealous massage therapist who gave me a deep-tissue massage and left me bruised for a good week. Then earlier this week I went to a new yoga instructor down in Santa Cruz with a friend and for one pose he had the whole beginning class resting on their necks, shoulders and elbows with their feet in the air. I balked because I could see myself as a crumpled mess of herniated disks lying on the floor if I tried that! The instructor came by, saying that my fear was getting in the way of letting him help me, and before I knew what he was doing he had me on the floor upside down with my feet in the air and his foot under my back. I didn't know he was going to do that! An instructor that's supposed to encourage respect and awareness of the body had manipulated me into doing the exact thing I thought was wrong to do. My friend had a similar experience... we are going elsewhere next time. My back and neck still hurt... but it felt better yesterday when I used a different pillow, so I'm back to that pillow tonight, and taking my NSAIDs. I know it will get better, I just hope I can do it without having to sign up for physical therapy.

Good news! The probate examiner finally approved my Petition for Final Distribution! After three tries I finally succeeded in satisfying her requirements for the Petition. It's a huge hurdle in the probate process. But she still needs a revised Order. I am current printing out 5 copies of the Order right now (slow printer). I hope they are satisfactory. The Order is the court-certified document that shows specifically how the assets are to be distributed, and is used for changing title on the assets. This has taken up a good chunk of my time this spring. I am anxious to be done!

So, end-of-school, birthday party coming up, probate, heavy-duty gardening, no referral yet, and husband out of town for a week... no wonder my back hurts. Ha ha!

I received a wonderful gift from my husband for Mother's Day. Last year he got me, I mean himself, a handheld GPS for his new geocaching hobby. This year he made it up to me by getting me a new camera! It's a fancy Canon digital camera with an extra image-stabilizing telephoto lens. It takes such great pictures that I don't want to go back to our little Powershot. I have to learn how to use all the manual features. It's so great... I love it! Thank you, Kevin! Look forward to some great photos.

The printer is done. Back to work....

A most Amazing Night

2008-05-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I took Kevin to see KT Tunstall at the Warfield in San Francisco and she was awesome! Check out the review of the amazing performance that she gave us. (At least look at the pictures.)

I bought the tickets for Kevin for his birthday. Some years I get lucky and score with a great present and some years he's lucky if he gets a sweater. This year it was a new golf bag. With KT tickets inside! We left the kids with aunt and uncle and headed up to the city early so we could have dinner at Boulevard, another amazing event! Grey sea salt on the butter, pork-stuffed calamari, and my spring craving.... fava beans, were a few of the delectable items we ate. I was sated. Oh it was so good!

If you like acoustic guitars and rock with a delightfully artistic flair, you should check out KT's schedule because she's just getting started on her U.S. tour... she's headed north to Portland and Seattle and then strikes out east across the rest of the country.

First (and probably last) vlog

2008-04-28T11:04:00.001-07:00

It seemed like a fun, easy little project to do. Last Monday was a good day with a lot going on. A week later, I now have a great respect for the patience and perseverance movie editors must have. I can't spend another minute on it.

So here you have it, weird transitions, mouth-smacking, campy comments, lispy sound quality and all. Have a good laugh....

And I meant to say pitcher, not batter.

Rilly, much better...

2008-04-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry to leave those depressing posts up all week... It's been a good week, rilly. And Monday I had it in my mind to make one of those vlog things. Had the whole day taped until the battery died on the video camera (don't worry, the vlog would be short), but then Kev has been working late every night and hasn't had the time nor energy to show me how to upload the video to the computer. He's got a MESS of stuff upstairs on a table, backup drives, power cords like spaghetti, little boxes I cannot even name (and I was a software engineer) and I don't want to lose 4 hours of my day figuring it all out when I could be outside enjoying the nice weather (or doing laundry).

At any rate, I've been out in the vegetable garden a few times this week, turning the boxes over with fertilizer. I think I'll start planting this weekend. While we've been seeing low temperatures in the 30's and 40's here in sunny California, I've been seeing pics on blogs this week from other parts of the country, where it snows, no less, and the kids are already in shorts and sundresses. Is it our proximity to the Pacific Ocean and the currents and weather traveling down from Alaska? It's been cold! It's supposed to warm up this weekend.

Kevin called our agency director yesterday just to check in and also confirm that we don't want to change our age range yet. No news this week. But we are considering making a trip down for the picnic in June. If we can go I'm looking forward to meeting some of the other families (Tricia!).

Fealings

2008-04-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

K started writing a journal yesterday and I have to share what her first entry was:

April 18th 2008

Today I had fealings. The fealings are weard. I rilly do not like fealings. When my brother had his game I had fealings.

I had fealings too, dear. I rilly didn't like my fealings either. =)

Deserves no title

2008-04-19T07:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a crappy day.

I called the director of our agency just to get an idea of how much longer the wait could be. He mentioned that more and more babyes are being adopted by Russian families because of the financial incentives offered by the Russian government. We talked about raising our age limit to 3 years old. I mentioned that our homestudy says that our age range says 8 months to 18 months, but a second child could be adopted at up to 3 years. And then he said that the Home Study agency was dumb for doing this because it's not very flexible. But wait.... isn't that exactly how you told us to word it two years ago? Moving on, I asked if there was anything else we could do to make ourselves more available for a referral and he said no... some families were registered in specific regions, but he didn't think that would give us any great advantage. So we patiently wait. Or not so patiently.

Probate paperwork. Enough said.

K's bunkbed arrived yesterday. The guys driving the delivery truck were afraid to drive it up my road because of low-hanging tree limbs, so I had to drive down to give them and the bed pieces a ride up to the house. They were quick in setting it up and the bed looks nice. It's hell to make that top bunk, but I already knew that. K couldn't wait to move into her new room and started moving her clothes. C couldn't wait for her to get out of the yellow room. They were squabbling over shared items.

I came home from C's baseball game early so that I could make dinner last night. C is playing so well! He's hitting the pitches solidly. He even hit a good solid double after I left. He was so excited! And darn it, I missed it.

After dinner I was worn out and went to bed early. I woke to find everyone asleep in their own beds, in their own separate rooms... apart... and Kev on the couch!

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you trudge along, trying to do the right thing, but you're just not making any progress... the path just gets longer and steeper?

I'm done with yesterday, and looking forward to today. Because it's the weekend, and I need a rest.

The Pink Room

2008-04-15T21:33:00.000-07:00

Most days have been pretty good since the sun's been starting to hang longer in the sky. But this damned bloglines has me following more blogs than usual and there are some pretty good ones of folks that have recently come home with their little ones. One blog in particular has been very touching because a little one came home to three siblings and so far they have been getting along well. It made me think about how C and K will do when we bring a little one home, finally. Will they be okay?

My worst imaginings are that the child we arrive home with will be so demanding and emotional that we will all be stressed out and at each other throats and I will wonder, "What on earth have we done??"

I finally took the step that I've been thinking about doing for more than a year now. I ordered a bunkbed for the pink room. Last year when we tuned up the master bedroom that my grandmother had used for the 10 years she was with us, we also gave the other two bedrooms new windows and paint. We painted the bedroom that C and K share yellow, with the idea that it would be C's room. Then we painted the other room two shades of pink, with the intention of it being K's room. But then I never really had her move into it. C's anxiety about being near K had calmed down, and they both seemed so much happier to stay together in the same room. They are buds. So the pink room was the extra room... sort of K's room, sort of the "baby's" room, sort of the guest room for cousins, sort of the junk room.

A couple of weeks ago I ordered the bunkbed for K and it is going to be delivered on Friday. I also went out a bought a couple of twin mattresses Saturday and they are here now. I went into the pink room to move some odd pieces of furniture out of the way to make room and a huge wave of memories swept over me. This is the room that was once the nursery for the twins, so many of my memories of them when they were babies are in that room. I was packing away a lot of baby blankets, crib bedding and so forth. We'll also move out a changing table, because in all likelihood, the infant girl we are hoping to bring home will probably already be walking. Dang, there it was again... my sorrow at having my babies grown up, with little hope that there will be another small baby here. (And not my grandchild!) I thought I was past it, because I'm perfectly happy having a toddler again and am looking forward to it too. But the babies are no longer here.

Now the pink room is ready for the bunkbed. It will have a white bunkbed, a crib, a bookshelf and K's little desk. I figured out how I could fit a dresser in the closet, so now I have a little more space, as the room isn't as big as C's room.

I am torn now. K's room is almost ready, waiting for her. But suppose she takes ownership of it and then FINALLY we get a call to meet and soon after bring home a little sister. Should I keep them together in the pink room? Should the room be devoted solely to the new child and K gets displaced for another year? I'm at a loss for what the sleeping arrangements ought to be. We don't have another bedroom, really. We have a very large playroom upstairs with a guest bed in it.

I think K needs the pink room, especially since C is really starting to need some space from her. He loves her, but he just needs a break from her wanting him to play "kitty" all the time. Today I broke up a spat because C was making yet another "No girls allowed!" sign. What I predict is that as soon as K and C get tucked into their respective rooms Friday night they will be lonely and sad, and ask to be with each other. (That is why I went for a second set of bunkbeds. Smart, eh?) We'll see how it goes. When I casually mentioned putting C's sheets on K's bottom bunk she would not even consider it.

Does anyone have any comments on how the sleeping arrangements should work regarding new additions to the family and siblings? I really have no idea how it's going to work out, and am hoping that everyone can be flexible. Even the new baby. Is that too much to expect?

Lawn Done!

2008-04-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

They brought the sod yesterday morning and within an hour had half of it laid.

I didn't get to see them finish, as I was meeting ipm for lunch at Gayle's in Capitola. Wonderful company, and a wonderful lunch too!

We came home after school to see the finished result... oh it's lovely! I can't wait for it to take hold so we can actually walk on it. But for now we run around the path and admire it.

The rest of weekend and next we will fix up the beds around the lawn, drippers and mulch. Then I'll get started on my vegetable garden.

This week... a new lawn

2008-04-10T21:20:00.001-07:00

Not a whole lot has been going on this week. I had a dream over the weekend that I was meeting our little one for the first time and she was beautiful. Therefore, I've been looking forward to the phone ringing this week. And it did. But it was the probate examiner, who got all over my case for having some mistakes in my probate paperwork. Sigh.

But on the brighter side, we're having our lawn replaced this week. The landscaper started on Monday and should be done tomorrow. It's going to look so very nice when it's done.

BEFORE: our lovely lawn. Note the nicely browned patch in the middle from our plastic blow-up pool last summer. The grass never recovered. To add to our pool damage, six years of no sun during the winter, the occasional gopher, and persistent moles have left the whole area ragged.

Monday: tearing out the old sod.

Tuesday: adding topsoil to build up the lawn area. Over the last six years it sank below the level of the concrete.

Wednesday: laying down the gopher wire, and then more soil over the top. I hope this wire keeps out the moles and gophers... I put our traps away today.

Thursday: first thing this morning, adding the last of the topsoil (an inch or so) over the gopher wire. I bought about 24 plants yesterday and they were put into the ground today too.

More pics tomorrow when it's all done.

I also returned to the gal that does my hair... and she did right by me. I am once more a brunette. What a relief to not look in the mirror and cringe, to not have my husband call me Skipper, or a close friend say that my hair looks like dried cow dung. Ha ha.... and she was serious.

A little adoption news

2008-04-03T00:13:00.000-07:00

When we arrived home from our trip, a nice large yellow envelope was waiting for us from the Bureau of Immigration. Our I-171H had arrived. One more paperwork hurdle out of the way. Our dossier is on it's way to North Carolina for the final signatures and then it will be bundled up and sent with a traveling family to the Frank office in Moscow where it will be translated to Russian.

I just realized that I need to start accumulating cash from the bank again. I have some from our previous trip in the safe deposit box, but we will need more. It took me 3 or 4 trips to the bank last time to get enough crisp, unmarked bills.

Today I reviewed our packing list for Russia too. It's ready to go. I need to update the photo book that we have and to get some age-appropriate toys and sleepers to bring. But that can wait after we receive a referral. I also need to brush up on my Russian a bit.

So now, pretty much, we are ready to go.

Other tidbits:

It's time to start turning over my vegetable garden. I'll plant it toward the end of this month, sometimes even the first week of May. Right now some volunteer lettuces and peas are growing and I need to get out there are pick them.

C is full-swing into Little League this year. He's playing on a team called the Bees, named after the Sacramento Bees. Sadly, the S.F. Giants got off to a poor start with their season opener against the Dodgers. I hope we get to a game or two this season.

Season 3 of Battlestar Gallactica came out a couple of weeks ago and Kevin and I have been totally engrossed.

I missed my piano while on vacation. My repertoire now includes: Moonlight Sonata and Fur Elise by Beethoven, Bach's Prelude in C Major for the Well Tempered Clavichord, a Brahms waltz, and I am attempting a Mozart Sonata in C Major, which is making my head spin. (Note, these are edited versions of the originals, i.e. dumbed down.) I am also working on my D flat major scales to prepare for Debussy's Clare de Lune. I should find some contemporary music to play... but then I am always drawn back to the classics. Maybe some classic Beatles, if I can find the music. I was just up on YouTube looking at some of the piano clips and they put me to shame. I can only dream of playing like this someday. Isn't she awesome? I don't think I can make my fingers move that fast.

I read an excellent book on vacation: Water for Elephants. I highly recommend it.

Vacation pics

2008-04-02T23:01:00.000-07:00

Kelly at the Easter Egg Hunt held by the resort. She was one of the top 6 kids who collected the most eggs and received an Easter Basket prize.

The nice shot I took (not including the "Keep Off" sign) before I landed on my @$$.

Playing in the water of a small cove in front of the old Poipu Beach Hotel, where Kevin and I spent our honeymoon 20 years ago. (We got married when we were 13.) This old hotel was destroyed by Hurricane Iniki and lay in ruins for 15+ years until recently. From my observations, it looks like it is being restored to it's former style and glory, as opposed to the Waiohai next door, which was razed and rebuilt as a timeshare property.

Teaching C to stand up on the surfboard in the water.

C standing up while riding the wave. He actually did it... although it looks like he's going to tip over here.

Teaching K to stand on the board.

Despite having great balance, K was more comfortable riding the wave in on her stomach.

C and K with a Hawaiian monk seal on the beach at Poipu.

The Hawaiian Monk Seal is an endangered species. There are only 80 monk seals left in the area around the Hawaiian Islands, and a total population of 1,100 left in the world, declining 4% each year. Volunteers monitor the beaches and rope off a protected area around any seal that comes up on the beach to rest. C and K are at the edge of the roped area in the previous photo.

Surfing

2008-03-29T10:41:00.001-07:00

Yesterday C and I rented a surfboard for an hour and I took him down to the beach and gave him a surfing lesson. What better place to learn, where the water is warm and the waves break close to shore. So on the beach I taught him how to stand up on the board and then I took him out in the water. I had him stand up on the board in the water while I held it. He was pretty unsteady and I wondered how he was going to do when the board was actually skimming through the water. So we waited for a small wave to come and I game him a push. He had great balance and was able to stand up several times! The board is actually more stable as it moves through the water. He wasn't quite prepared for the swimming when he was off the board, and this is why I have been waiting. I want him to be a strong swimmer. After a few swims in the ocean to climb back on the board he was ready for a break. I gave the board a try and after looking like a total dork in my Tevas, sitting too far back and having the thing tip upward and shoot into the sky from under me, and my inability to catch a wave despite how hard i paddled, I came in. (Well, it WAS an 8' foot board... that's too short for the waves I was trying to catch.)

K had a few rides on the surfboard too, but she is much more tentative about it. Another family passed along a little boogieboard and K and I took it out to the beach and road the waves up onto the sand for the better part of an hour. I was proud of her because she hasn't liked to do this at home. But the water is warmer here and that helps.

But we have managed to completely wear her out and her cold and cough is back with a rattle. She has to rest today, as we need to put her on a plane tomorrow.

Vacation memories

2008-03-28T11:03:00.000-07:00

The bandwidth here at the place where we are staying takes a nosedive as soon as the roosters start crowing and the coffee is brewing. I've figured out that I can't get my pictures uploaded with the low bandwidth - Blogger just doesn't like it - so I'll have to wait until we get home... it just ain't gonna happen late in the evening because after a full day in the sun and surf I'm done.

We returned to Poipu Beach on Kauai for spring break. We were here two years ago with my grandmother, and I have very fond memories of being here with her. But at the same time, we don't have the greatest room and the hotel services are not what they once were. But we are taking it all in stride... we have had great entertainment from our view of the parking lot outside of our window. The locals park there for beach access, so we see surfers pulling in early, and parties in the evening. The kids are learning how to drive, as we watched one youthful soul with a leadfoot and a desire for new tires spin out and land his truck on a roadside boulder.

I've been learning lots of new things about driving. Kevin insists that in Hawaii it's a law that you don't signal when you are preparing to turn right. He says, "When you go to a place, Sandy, you have to learn the local customs." Do the others drivers know that?

I've also been told that, as a passenger, I must not point in parking lots. "Why don't you just emasculate me right now?" So now I point for fun! (On a similar note, I did see Kevin jump out of the car to look at a map the other day. But to his credit my memory of it is fading fast. He did not, however, ask for directions.)

Wednesday was a day of bodily emissions. Within a 24-hour period, we had 7... events. I don't know what hit us. I'm running out of cash tipping the maids to change the bedding. With particular fondness we will remember our time in Hanalei where K vomited outside the restaurant, then we went inside to eat lunch. (I cleaned it up!) We modestly mentioned that K didn't have much of an appetite... carsickness. Later in the day as we toured a botanical garden Kev encouraged the kids to drink a lot of water because it was a long, warm hike. Can't get dehydrated, you know. With bathrooms in sight, poor K was running... her little legs pumping to get her to the toilet. She made it, except she was wearing a one-piece bathing suit under her clothes. I never thought I'd be cleaning the floor around a pit toilet. We were prepared with some extra underpants and C's spare shorts, but C was miffed because he had a dribble of an accident and had to stay in his bathing suit. "K, take off my shorts RIGHT NOW!"

We ended the day with an excellent dinner in Hanalei at a place called Bar Acuda. I can't believe they actually seated us, but Hanalei is casual, really casual. I want to move there. Apparently there are a lot of Santa Cruz transplants there too. We felt right at home.

Yesterday was peacefully uneventful... after I finished stripping the kid's bed. Last night I was on top of my game and woke C twice to go in the middle of the night and we awoke with a dry bed. Today and tomorrow we'll be doing more of the same... pool, beach, pool, bathroom.

Skipper

2008-03-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

and other Easter Vacation hodgepodge...

I was hoping to upload some photos, but Blogger is not cooperating. I'll try again later, and maybe I'll actually have more interesting pics to load, too!

Without photos, though I think I will just document a few details of the last few days.

K is asleep here with me on the sofa. Poor thing was crabby all day, even with the sun, salt water and wind blowing on her. She's got a spring cold, I think. Hopefully she doesn't wake up worse-for-wear! When she was two I was ready to quit naps altogether because she would wake up in a worse mood than before she went to sleep. But she was a trooper today. We had to drag her out of the room to go geocaching only 400 feet away, but she did it. We found the cache tucked in an old graveyard (creepy) and inside the little box we found a pacifier, among other things. Yuck! So I took the binky and promptly tossed it in the nearest trash can. Then Kev read the log and the previous visitors included a two-year-old that was ready to leave her binky... a HUGE step for her and her parents, and I had taken that priceless treasure and hucked it into the nearest county park trash can. How insensitive of me! What if she came back for it... couldn't make it through another night without it? Without that particular chewed-through binky? Kev told me to fish it out of the garbage. I wouldn't in good conscience do that. How could I let a parent retrieve a binky when I knew it had been in a public garbage can. I believe that I have helped the family (heh heh), because after another couple of torturous days and nights, their daughter will be truly binky-free.

Kev is calling me Skipper now. I had my hair colored a couple days before Easter and I don't know what happened but it was the opposite of what I expected. I wanted darker and I got lighter. I wanted less red and I got more. The gal that has been doing my hair for the past 4 years and pretty much doing a great job, left me with brassy straw, and a strange cut too. I wanted a little more drama to the medium-length bob and now I've got some uneven line in the back that shows off one side of the neck more as the other side does an unnatural flip as a result of my hormonal hair curls. Kev laughs and says that now I can find out if blondes have more fun. Then he tells me it looks fine. Then 10 minutes later he does another double take and calls me Skipper again. You know, Barbie's little friend.

After our geocache adventure, we walked over to some rocks which shelter a little swimming area on the beach. Ignoring the painted sign on the rocks I stepped up on one of the larger ones so I could take a picture down the beach. I stood there for a good 5 minutes or more and then decided to get down. I knew the rock was going to move... it was too small, but I stepped on it anyway and it moved. And I moved. In a big way, I went down. On my shin! And my forearm. On volcanic rock. But of course, I saved the camera, as a good mom should. I came back to the room to ice my shin so that the egg would not be quite so large and purple. After the ice melted, C walks in with dad and K, and comes up to me and says, "Mama, did you read the sign on the rocks that said 'Keep off'?" Oh, you mean the one that I ignored in front of my children and then fell down in front of, chewing up my shin and potentially exposing myself to a nasty infection for the rest of our trip? Thanks, C.

Smartypants!

perspective

2008-03-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

Regrettably, after receiving referral information for a darling little child, Kevin and I discussed all aspects of this particular situation at great length and both agree that due to some important considerations that this is not the right child for us.

Can I be any more vague than that?

I suppose most blogging prospective adoptive parents may not even mention the referrals they have to deny for health, economic, personal or other reasons. Perhaps I was too hasty in mentioning that we even had a message on our answering machine. The news was sudden and we were unprepared. But the good news is that we will probably be traveling to Russia soon. And we have an agency with a fantastic director and staff, that I am confident have the best interests of their clients and the waiting children at heart.

I am sad that we had to pass on this referral, but knowing that Kevin and I felt the same way is encouraging. We want to go to Russia with excitement and anticipation, not with worry that we might be making another dead-end first trip. With two little ones at home, the first trip (not to mention the second and third trips) is not an easy endeavor. And after our last trip to Ekaterinburg, I need to have more than 50% confidence that it's going to go well.

I keep thinking back to the book I recently read by Theresa Reid, Two Little Girls. At the time that I read it, it knocked the wind out of me, but now after re-reading the preface and ending, I have drawn great encouragement from it, and it has given me a perspective that is helping me through this process. I feel I have more patience and steadfastness. Reid comments on the added difficulty of the adoption process, that adoptive parents have to make choices regarding the children they adopt. It doesn't seem fair or easy.

So we continue to wait. And have faith that we will be confident enough to make the right decision when the time comes.

no news yet

2008-03-11T20:04:00.000-07:00

After a grueling day chasing 4 six-year-olds around a zoo park I am exhausted, and I never managed to connect with our agency director. I'll try again tomorrow to see what''s up.

What does one think....

2008-03-10T17:07:00.000-07:00

Our agency sent us an email earlier today saying our dossier was delivered this morning and that we are now "active on the referral list."

So what does one think when the message light is blinking after being out for a few hours this afternoon. Certainly not that there is a possible referral.

That is not what I was thinking.

We'll find out more tomorrow....

Sacramento

2008-03-06T10:36:00.000-08:00

The trip to Sacramento went well. The apostilles were received without a hitch, and now I have an additional 2000 miles to add to my United Mileage account. The kids were great in the car, and good sports at the Secretary of State office. They loved the train museum and with this being our third visit there, I am still enjoying it too. As the kids get older, I find more time to pause and read the signs posted at the exhibits. And I can't resist browsing through the books in the bookshop, even if it means I have to buy some little tchotchkes for the kids.

The hallway to the Notary office in Secretary of State office was very long, a perfect runway for a six-year-old girl dressed in pink from head to toe and a six-year-old boy in grubbies. And while I followed behind a galloping girl and a skipping boy, I thought... conventional wisdom says that I ought to make them walk in this office building full of adults. My inner Pollyanna gaily says that wouldn't it have been wonderful when I was six to run down that empty, carpeted hallway? I don't even feel like running now, sedentary cow that I have become. My children will have their whole lives to walk and hobble along. Let them run! (...until we get yelled at...) And so they ran and skipped, and I picked up the pace a little bit, just to make it seem like I was in control.

We met a young man (of about 90) working at the train museum as a docent. He was manning the enormous steam engine that was used to climb the Sierras. Specially designed for the numerous tunnels through the mountains, this steam engine has the cockpit (is that was what it's called?) at the front of the engine, because the air quality in the rear is not so good when you're passing through very long tunnels. The tender contained crude oil, obtained from the fields in Southern California, which was heated to around 200 degrees before being pumped forward to the firebox. All of these details the young man shared with us. His passion for trains was apparent, and I am very appreciative of the time he spent with us; it was no small effort for him to be there. I will miss that generation so. They really are the heart of America. They are my parents.

Driving home I saw a billboard on the side of the freeway that said that every extra pound of weight translates to four pounds of pressure on your knees. Does that mean that if I lose 10 pounds that 40 pounds of pressure will be removed from my knees? Not that my knees are bothering me, but something to think about. Even 5 pounds.

We were driving South on 880 through San Jose, which runs right under the jet approach for the San Jose International airport. The traffic was heavy and we were creeping along at 5-10 mph. The kids and I kept guessing if we would beat the next airplane approaching the airport. Happily we were RIGHT under an approaching Southwest 737... I opened the sunroof and we could see it fly right above us, loud engines roaring. How fun! (...and how smelly, jet exhaust and all...)

I now have a very large stack of expensive papers that I need to send to my agency in San Diego. Time for me to get going.

Off to Sacramento...

2008-03-04T20:18:00.001-08:00

The paperwork has finally all come together and I'm off for apostilles tomorrow. I'm taking the kids with me since they will only miss a half-day of school. We'll make another stop at the infamous California State Railroad Museum. It's a great place to kill some time while the 90+ documents are being processed. Once these documents are apostilled I will send them to our placement agency where they will package them up and send them off to Russia to be translated. At that point I believe we will be eligible for a referral.

I read a book this weekend, or rather a book grabbed me Friday afternoon and wouldn't let go of me until 3am Saturday night. It was called Two Little Girls by Theresa Reid. Has anyone else read this book? I found it while looking at some other books on Am@zon. When I finished the book, I felt like I'd been worked over, and three times again. She is incredibly honest about her feelings during the adoptions of her two girls, and I found myself identifying so closely with her, that as I read through her account of her trip to Ukraine for her second daughter, it was exhaustingly like I was right there. Kevin's reading it right now. Reading this book was a "shock and awe" experience.

At the health food store the other day I asked the clerk what Holy Basil was and he told me that two capsules will noticeably take the edge off any stress or anxiety within 20 minutes. I looked it up and it's an herb that has been used in Asia for thousands of years for medicinal, religious, and even culinary purposes. I tried one capsule just to make sure I didn't break out in hives but didn't really notice anything. That's probably a good thing!

Friday I finally put my surfboard in the car and went down to Santa Cruz for some time out on the water. (My friend Mollie will understand the rest. Ha ha!) Let's just say that I need to spend some time in the pool before I go out again.

The sun has been slowly getting higher in the sky every day, and since both the adoption and probate paperwork is in the wrap-up stages, I've been starting to think about the yard. Next week I've got a couple of contractors coming out to give me an estimate on a new lawn. Today it felt good to get out and do some yard cleanup... we have a lot of blackberries to yank out. I'm still thinking about some redwood pruning too. I can't wait!

Kevin, the kids and I went out Sunday afternoon to plant a new geocache that the kids got for Christmas. So we spent the afternoon hiking around one of the local parks looking for a great place to hide it. Kevin packed a nice picnic and we ate by the side of the river. The kids loved it and were running around excitedly. Then Kevin took them fishing, while I came home to do some laundry (well, play the piano). About 90 minutes later, they return home but C was banged up from a fall, and K has no pants on. She'd fallen into the lake. Fun with dad! Making memories is hard work.

One more sledding clip...

2008-02-23T09:58:00.000-08:00

C wanted a sledding clip of himself included for the world to see... (but you'll see it's mostly dad going haywire).

Itchin' for spring

2008-02-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

The redwoods are very dark and oppressive this time of year. I went for a walk yesterday and upon returning home I found myself counting the trees I wanted to cut down to let in the sun. Our trees are very dense since they are second-growth redwoods... basically a handful of suckers that grew from each original tree that was cut down. Some suckers grew to their full height (and continue to grow!), while many others have been stuck under the canopy of the taller trees, subsequently bushing out and blocking the remaining light from shining through. I'm ready for spring. And a chainsaw.

A couple of weekends ago we took the kids up to the snow for the weekend. The weather was spectacular! Kev and I dropped the kids off at ski school at Alpine Meadows, and then headed off to try out our new skis. I am pleased with the skis, although the boots still killed my shins at the end of the day. Hopefully there's a break-in period.

Yikes! Hold on K.

Good boy, hand on the chair.

K and C have mastered the snowplow and are now doing S turns. (They also feel comfortable enough to gather and throw snowballs while plummeting downhill.)

The next day we went to a sledding hill at the place where we stayed and spent the whole day sledding. The hill was groomed nice and wide, with a little lip at the top that dropped you onto the slope. I swear, I have never been happier... I love sledding! Kev and I had a snowball fight with the kids and I was falling-down laughing I was so happy. That's what a good two days of sunshine, fresh air and exercise will do for a soul.

On the adoption front...

We had our meeting with the psychiatrist on Valentine's Day. Happily, he pronounced us sane and capable of being parents. I picked up the last bit of paperwork I am responsible for the next day. I am still waiting for our updated Home Study and supporting documentation from the Home Study agency, and then I'm off to Sacramento for apostilles. I want to get it all sent in as soon as possible, but on the other hand I'm tempted to drag my feet a little bit because we have vacation plans for Easter break that I really don't want to disturb. Who am I kidding? Can a whole dossier be translated, sent to a region and invitation to travel sent out in a month's time? In Russia? nyet.

Nevertheless, as we get closer to traveling, I realize that this process is again transitioning out of my control, and I'm getting a bit anxious. I remember how freaked out I was about being so far away from C and K, and that's starting again. Also, the uncertainty of meeting the child, and being able to start some bonding, having some faith that it will all work out. I realize that there are things I can do to make these easier. Last time, when preparing for traveling I spent a great deal of time studying Russia, but not a lot of time getting my head into the space of "new child". Last night I started reading some of the adoption books I had stashed away, realizing that I DO actually need them, even though I am already a parent. I'd like to get my head around many of the issues we may face, so that my heart can embrace them too. I'd never put too much thought into the idea of being paper-pregnant but I am now finding that more preparation (and a change of mindset) for the first trip is necessary; wishful thinking is good but it won't carry you through the tough times on its own.

Despite the fear and doubt that hits me in the evenings when I am especially tired, each morning I wake up and realize that adopting is what I want to do, and it's the right thing to do. But the fear has a tendency to overshadow the good in this, and I have to really work hard to remember what we all have to gain from our endeavors.

As far as the fear of traveling away from C and K, I'm not sure what to do... valerian tea? drugs? prayer? put my worries in my worry box until later? Any advice?

I could also use some book recommendations... I know there's a book highly recommended about attachment, but I can't remember the name. I'll have to check out Debbie's and Jennefer's collection. Jennefer just posted a good list of attachment activities.

Another productive Monday

2008-02-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

Today was a lot of desk work and phone calls. Paying bills, pouring through our tax materials, probate details, adoption-related calls. I've been worried about finding a psychiatrist who would write us an evaluation letter. I had left messages for 4 different psychiatrists in the area, and had heard back from two that their practices were full and they couldn't take on any new patients. It was discouraging as I remembered getting the same response a little over a year ago when I was doing the same for our Yekaterinburg paperwork. It was starting to seem like there was little hope of finding someone. And then I remembered that I should leave it to God. If He thinks we're doing the right thing then He'll help us to do this; He will provide a psychiatrist. Not a novel thought, I suppose, but in my focused little brain it was a breakthrough. I left one more message and went to pick up the kids from school. After we got home, the phone rang and it was the last psych I had called, and he was willing to help. He had done this before, and despite the fact that his answering machine said his practice was full, and that he was retiring this coming summer, he was kind enough to offer to help. Thank you! Kevin and I have an appointment to see him on Valentine's Day. Kevin says "Isn't it ironic that the two of us have to go see a psychiatrist on Valentine's Day in order to have a baby?" I don't really see how that's ironic... but my mind is in the details right now.

Speaking of mind in the details, I am so glad that I am almost done with all this paperwork. Worrying about all the little things has been making me really nit-picky, and poor Kevin is suffering terribly. We'll all be a happier, more relaxed family when I wrap this stuff up. Dossier done, probate done, taxes done... then I'll be a happier camper. I'll be able to think more about the reasons why I'm doing all this paperwork.

Other tidbits:

All of the people that I have had to contact regarding the adoption paperwork this time around have been so nice and helpful. I have been really blessed this time around.

I'm incredibly happy for Tricia, Michael and Rita. Rita is the same age as K and C, so I'm especially thrilled. Tricia and I are also using the same placement agency. I can't wait to read more about their trip.

My piano teacher gave me a new piece to work on. What do you call it, a piece? Not a song. A composition? A concerto? A what? I've been practicing Bach's Prelude (...more to the title that I can't remember) and it's fairly easy reading, but a total finger workout. It's a beautiful ... piece.

This week K said "I LOVE to write." My jaw just dropped! At the beginning of the school year it was, "I HATE writing! I don't know what to write!" I am so happy that it is getting easier for her!

Monday morning

2008-01-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

The sun is out this morning and the trees are sparkling with raindrops, surrounded by the mist left behind by last night's storm. I tried to capture it with my camera but the photographs cannot express the movement of the scene, the shimmering of the tree branches as they gently sway, or the droplets falling like diamonds. Perhaps it's also the digital camera that cannot focus on the brightness of the droplets. I love it here when the sun comes out after it rains.

I think just this weekend, Friday included, we had at least 7 inches of rain. Yesterday afternoon we dressed in our rain gear and headed out to check on the creek and the ditches. Kevin unplugged a drainpipe that had it filled with any more debris would have washed away our neighbor's backyard. (We know that from past experience.) All the ditches were running with clean, cold water. It was beautiful! The kids tromped in the seasonal creek that crosses the bottom of our property while I admired the trees and stepped over countless downed branches. There's a lot of clearing to do on the 'lower 40' (well, actually the lower 1). I wonder how motivated our teenage neighbor across the street is to earn some bucks. (What I should be thinking is, "How motivated am I to lose some pounds and get some exercise??")

Kevin and I visited the county sheriff's office this morning to pick up his police clearance letters and to get the required letter that says "We don't put the place of birth on the clearance letter." Good thing I went, as the notary wording was wrong. I wonder how many others are getting caught by the notary acknowledgment wording change. And what does the Secretary of State do when you go for apostilles and the old wording is used? I don't know.

Every piece of our dossier is scheduled, ordered or done except for the letter of recommendation from a psychologist or psychiatrist. I count my blessings that we don't professionally know a person with these credentials, but it also makes it difficult to figure out who to use. That's my goal today... to have an appointment scheduled.

Yesterday when the kids were doing their homework, K came up with something that continues to crack me up....1. First, I put on my uder close. (underclothes)
2. Then, I put on my udols. (underalls)
3. Next, I put on my snow jakit. (jacket)
4. Last, I put on my scof and poots and mitis. (scarf, boots, and mittens)

I will forever now ask her to go put on her poots and mitis. =) I can't stop giggling. K tells me, "Mom, it's not funny to me." Well, it will be when you have your own little son or daughter.

A nice light rain today...

2008-01-21T08:57:00.000-08:00

Friday I was able to get our first doctor's signatures. I mistakenly put the wrong notary wording on the bottom of the physician's recommendation letter and had to visit the office (with the notary) a second time during the afternoon to have a new letter signed. To all going through this process: there is new notary wording starting this year for acknowledgments. Make sure you have the new wording for your documents, or that your notary has the new acknowledgment page. The wording excludes the checkbox "personally known to me" and includes an "under penalty of perjury" clause for the notary.

We received our I-600A fingerprinting times in the mail last week so we decided to go Saturday and get it all done. Who woulda thunk the fingerprinting office would be closed.... Saturday.... for Martin Luther King Day? Yes, we're doing the bureaucracy dance again. Poor Kevin. We spent the rest of the afternoon at his work office in a conference room so that the kids could do their homework. No fun at all.

Sunday we had a burn day. If we don't take the opportunity to burn the debris that fell from the trees during that last big storm, then it will either dry and stay on the ground (and burn later) or it will cost hundreds to hire a tree service to clean it up. So we all dressed in grubbies and headed out to start gathering and pitching it into the fire. Let me tell you the best way to start a burn pile... a blow torch and a Christmas tree. Pooof. I think we cleared and burned debris for a whole acre (wooded and sloped) of our property yesterday. I spent the night pulling splinters out of my hands, and today I feel like someone took a crowbar to me. But the whole section below our house is pristine (hear the tinkling bells). Two deer walked through and spent a few minutes inspecting the area and the ash pile.

Nothing is more satisfying than sitting by a settling pile of embers with a rake in one hand, a cold drink in the other, and a light rain falling on your head.

Even more satisfying is that the electrician called this morning and can come by this afternoon to hook up our new generator!

Friday tidbits

2008-01-18T08:45:00.000-08:00

All sinus infections in this house are gone, although Kevin is still battling the bug. He managed to inhale it deep into his lungs on one of his bike rides and now it very stubbornly won't go away. He's on his second course of antibiotics and inhalers.

C slipped off the kitchen counter while viewing a crab he got for Christmas that swells when you put it in water. He cut his chin and needed 7 stitches. Ouch. The stitches came out yesterday and it's healing nicely.

I have been motoring through the adoption paperwork like a mad woman. We finished the Home Study Update paperwork and sent that in Wednesday. The BCIS paperwork is done and submitted. We have our fingerprinting for that tomorrow. I am about 85% done with the dossier paperwork. I have some photos to update and need to find a psychologist that will write us an evaluation. I am hoping to be done with the paperwork by the middle of February!

We tried some new activities with the kids this week. K had a horseback riding lesson that she earned by having a good attitude when she does her homework. We will probably continue the lessons (if she can keep up the good attitude), and the best part about it all is that the riding center is only 5 minutes from our home. I love it!

C has been climbing the walls of this house, literally scaling the doorways and the hallway, so I took the kids to a local climbing gym for an afternoon. Stitches and all. They L-O-V-E-D it. It was a special class just for kids and their instructor took turns belaying each of four kids on the walls with ropes. In between turns, they spent their time on the bouldering walls. And then they talked about how much they enjoyed it all the way home. What a great thing to do when the weather is crummy!

Our new generator was delivered yesterday. And the power went out last night, before we could even get it out of the box! Right before the power went off, K caught a little chickadee that was pecking at the window on our back deck (disoriented from a cat-attack? I don't know...) and then brought it in the house. And of course it got away from her, and then the power went out. So C, K and I are chasing this poor little bird all over the house. Every time it settled in a spot I could actually reach, the kids would get too close to it and flash it with the flashlight to cause it to fly up high somewhere. After grounding the kids, I finally trapped it in a shoebox and released it outside. I hope I don't find feathers today. One of our cats has a taste for birds.

I played Moonlight Sonata for my piano teacher at my lesson this week. It didn't go as well as I expected. All pianos are pretty much the same, right? But the lighting, the setting, the attention all threw me. But my teacher was kind and said, "Did you have the music open just for me to look at?" because I had memorized it. So now we are working out of the music book that came with the kids' keyboard last Christmas, and I am done with the lesson books except for some technique here and there. I am now starting on Beethoven's Fur Elise, and will continue to master Moonlight Sonata. It's so nice to be able to play music that I enjoy listening to. And to be able to play it anywhere without having the sheet music.

Kevin's Christmas present this year was a new refrigerator. Yes, that is the only thing he asked for, so that's what I spent my time shopping for. Our opening in the cabinets is smaller than usual, so I was lucky to find an LG model with the french doors and bottom freezer (and an icemaker, woohoo!) that fit. We had to adjust the cabinet doors above, but it fits! It's quiet! And it makes ice. What a treat!

Our washer has been slowly dying too, so I ordered a new washer/dryer at the same time. We now have the front-loading Duet set, and when they are both going with their button lights on, blinking and beeping, it looks like a rocket inside our laundry room. Very high-tech. I like the front-loading washer. I was skeptical that it could get my clothes cleaner with less water, but it seems like it might be doing just that. Oily stains still don't come out that great, but they never did before either. The high spin speeds are advertised to reduce drying times but the clothes don't seem any less wet coming out of the washer, and take about the same time to dry as before. The difference is that I can stuff two loads of laundry into the washer (and the dryer) because the capacity is larger. So I do less loads. I like that. The fancy buttons with the beeping make it fun. Ok, enough about laundry.

Try adding a tiny pinch of cardamom to your tea sometime. It's very exotic.

It's redwood pollen season. Our yard, driveway and decks are covered with yellow pollen.

My grandmother's probate paperwork is stuck because I have no information about an oil royalty interest she owned. The oil company doesn't returns my calls. I may need to travel to Central California and knock on their office door. And while the folks at the county offices in Southern California were nice, they really couldn't help me by telling me where I would find the information I need. I am torn between going down myself and doing the research, or hiring a consultant to do it (who would charge up to $2500).

So many irons in the fire. But that's what makes life interesting.

I finished both books by Rob Bell. I really enjoy his writing. I especially like his open-mindedness about discussing theology and exchanging ideas. I also like the fact that he has done extensive reading and research about the Jewish faith and customs during the years prior and during Jesus' life. It gives a perspective and framework for much of what the New Testament says that many ministers and authors overlook. I am now reading "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. He's more bare-bones about what he believes and I enjoy his honesty and introspection. Kevin brought a book home from one of his friends at work called "The Piano Shop on the Left Bank" by Thad Carhart, can you guess... about pianos. It looks really good. That's next. I have Kevin reading "The Count of Monte Cristo" now. Such a good book... it's a commitment (1400 pages), but really really great.

Four days later...

2008-01-07T22:49:00.001-08:00

We had our power restored tonight after losing it Friday morning. We now have running water again.

There's a lot of tree debris that needs to be cleaned up.

And I have a nasty sinus infection.

I can't begin to express how nice it is to have drinking water, to be able to wash my hands, flush a toilet, and to turn on a light that will illuminate an entire room. I am thankful for all these things. (I am also thankful for antibiotics.)

This is our weather...

2008-01-04T08:45:00.000-08:00

These are some images from my favorite weather website, Intellicast. We're now at 4.5 inches of rain fallen during the night, and the wind is mightily shaking the trees. Kev just came in from checking the ditches and saw a redwood top snap off and sail to the ground. He's not going out again, and thankfully all our ditches are unplugged! Now is the time to see how the year's tree trimming around the house pays off.

The yellow is the coldest, meanest part of this storm.

We're in the yellow here too.

Our Happy Holidays

2008-01-03T18:40:00.001-08:00

A short photo summary of our holidays...
Our Christmas card photo. This is our Christmas tree and our two angels.

Delivery of a very special Christmas present for me!

Here it is!

A Christmas Eve tradition with all the cousins.

These little animals (and the computer time that goes with them) are the biggest hit of the holiday.

Enjoying my Christmas present. I'm just beginning, but I've been working on Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata since Christmas day to surprise my piano teacher next week.

One of the geocache travel bugs that Daddy gave to the kids for Christmas. This bug has been tasked with traveling to Zion National Park, Hemet and then returning to Felton.

Park day on the new scooters before the rain starts.

A beautiful New Year's Eve on the coast of Santa Cruz.

Caffeine

2007-12-17T08:32:00.000-08:00

The past week and a half Kevin and I have been weaning ourselves off the hard stuff. Only two cups of joe in the morning. We figured that the kids aren't getting us up at night any more, and I'd just been for my first mammo where I learned that caffeine can make a woman uncomfortably tender. Why suffer?

I'm such a pansy... I can't do it. I'm feeling good in the AM, but by afternoon I'm miserable like all get out... Then I cheat.... a cup of tea (or three), a Cafe Americano at Starbucks, an espresso... it's worse than before! Now I'm up all night. Flippity-flop flippity-flop in bed.

It has helped me get my address book up-to-date and Christmas cards/letters done.

Kevin (and his tempting Netflix) now has me hooked on the show Heroes, too. It's a nice substitute since Battlestar Gallactica will not be out on DVD until next SPRING! Arrrrhhh. So, this weekend I keep begging Kevin to watch just one more episode... until he falls asleep and then I can't decide if satisfying my craving for 'just-one-more' is worth having to watch it again because he slept through the whole thing.

Caffeine.

I've think those two cups of joe in the morning are a necessary daily regulatory measure that must be taken, with my vitamins. So when Kev called yesterday afternoon from Peets to see if I wanted a cup of coffee, I told him Yes! along with a two-pound bag of French Roast. Pleeeeze.

This morning I'm back to 50/50.... and I'm feelin' good.

(And the Christmas cards have been ordered.)

Sailing

2007-12-06T22:27:00.001-08:00

Kevin, the kids and I went out on the Hawaiian Chieftain sailing ship this weekend out of Santa Cruz. The ship (or topsail ketch) is making it's way down the California coast from Washington. It was a beautiful afternoon, seas were calm, and the kids were well-behaved. We watched it rain on land while we sailed in the sunlight; a rainbow formed over Santa Cruz that ended right at the Great Dipper, only the best wooden rollercoaster here in California. I think I enjoyed the sail more than the kids.

It's raining outside... a good rain, finally. And there's a tree limb hanging on a powerline somewhere, causing our power to go on and off. Our other project this weekend was to put our router and UPS system in the attic closet so we don't have to listen to it hummmm all day and night. I haven't lost a connection yet... I think we did good. We lost power for several hours about a month ago, during the day. PG&E arrived at the bottom of my driveway and was working on the transformer there, so of course I had to check it out. And the source of the outage: a squirrel had shorted a fuse. I said, "Oh. The squirrel is no more?" "No, the squirrel survived, but its tail is no more." Oh my! I haven't seen it around... and our power hasn't gone out, until tonight.

I decorated the house for Christmas today while the kids were at school. I put a few lights up on the deck (Kev will help do the house this weekend) and put out the inside decorations. I don't have a whole lot of decorations, just a few things on the mantle and china cabinet, a basket of Christmas books and an advent calendar cabinet. Then I went to get the kids.

Oh

wow!

When we got home, K just stared at the lights on the deck as we drove up the drive. Then she couldn't wait to get out of the car. Hurry hurry! When she got in the house and saw the decorations, she was stunned... delighted... wondrous! What was amazing to me was that my little chatterbox was speechless... she was just breathing heavy from the excitement of seeing Christmas finally happening at our house. C's reaction was equally gratifying. I did good today.

It was magical.

My brother-in-law with my nephew joined us for the sail.

Yesterday I mailed in our BCIS renewal paperwork. My appointments are made for the Home Study update. I can start updating the dossier paperwork now. I hope we can get it done before the end of January.

Okay, something behind the house fell with a thud that sounded like it had a lot of leaves. Ah, rain. We didn't see anything out there in the dark. We'll check it out tomorrow.

Entering the Santa Cruz Harbor at sunset.

Thank you...

2007-12-02T20:58:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to send out a quick thank you to all of you who have been so supportive and encouraging to me this past year and longer. Especially with my last post... it really makes me feel better about our decision to get moving again. Thank you, you all are very dear to me.