Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Hangin' in there
In so much of my life I have tried to be optimistic and encouraging, and I want to be that way now too. When folks call me on the phone to ask how it's going, I say "Okay", but under normal conditions I would be saying "Great!". Perhaps what I should be saying is "Pretty crummy." But it's late and the day has been long. Reading the other blogs is encouraging to me. Tomorrow will be better.
We drove to Southern California this past weekend and met my family to lay my grandmother's ashes to rest in the ocean. Saturday was a beautiful day and the ocean was sparkling. Catalina Island was clearly defined in the distance. One of my cousins came out on the boat with me while my other cousin, aunt and uncle viewed from the distant shore. We had a nice lunch afterward, and Kevin brought the kids from the hotel to join us. The next day we took the kids to Disneyland for the day. The happiest place on Earth was incredibly bittersweet for me. For the past three years we have taken my grandmother with us on our trips to Disneyland and she saw all the wonder and excitement that the kids experienced. She also enjoyed the trips because having been born in Anaheim and raised in Fullerton, it was a sort of homecoming for her, and she would share it with anyone who stopped to chat with her. I miss her.
A great concern for us now is our son. What I thought was a sort of grief-reaction he was having has turned into an obsession. He's afraid of touching his sister or anything she's touched because she has germs (which may have come from G-G) which could cause him to get sick and die. He can't stop washing anything he thinks she's touched by licking his hands and fingers and wiping the contaminated object or himself. He was washing his hands a lot before G-G died, but right after Christmas we noticed he was licking rather than washing and then we realized it was whenever he touched something his sister touched. It's absolutely heartbreaking for me, because my little boy seems like he's getting OCD and the focus of his obsession is his closest companion, his sister. She's so loving and affectionate, which he just can't tolerate right now. Thankfully she has been far more patient about his revulsion of her than either I or Kevin have been. I feel like my life is just spinning wildly right now. I've already seen his pediatrician about it and she was very reassuring and understanding, and has referred us to another specialist. But here I wait for them to call me back to schedule an appointment while this little boy is unraveling right before my eyes. I pray that we can get help for him soon, for his sake and ours. I've been doing some reading about it and I know it's fairly common and that there successful therapies to help. It's just hard. I'm also trying to line up some grief-therapy for him too, hoping that this will help lessen his anxiety.
I know you all have been very kind and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. Please continue to do so when you have a spare moment. I need strength and patience. Actually, I think we all do. =)
We drove to Southern California this past weekend and met my family to lay my grandmother's ashes to rest in the ocean. Saturday was a beautiful day and the ocean was sparkling. Catalina Island was clearly defined in the distance. One of my cousins came out on the boat with me while my other cousin, aunt and uncle viewed from the distant shore. We had a nice lunch afterward, and Kevin brought the kids from the hotel to join us. The next day we took the kids to Disneyland for the day. The happiest place on Earth was incredibly bittersweet for me. For the past three years we have taken my grandmother with us on our trips to Disneyland and she saw all the wonder and excitement that the kids experienced. She also enjoyed the trips because having been born in Anaheim and raised in Fullerton, it was a sort of homecoming for her, and she would share it with anyone who stopped to chat with her. I miss her.
A great concern for us now is our son. What I thought was a sort of grief-reaction he was having has turned into an obsession. He's afraid of touching his sister or anything she's touched because she has germs (which may have come from G-G) which could cause him to get sick and die. He can't stop washing anything he thinks she's touched by licking his hands and fingers and wiping the contaminated object or himself. He was washing his hands a lot before G-G died, but right after Christmas we noticed he was licking rather than washing and then we realized it was whenever he touched something his sister touched. It's absolutely heartbreaking for me, because my little boy seems like he's getting OCD and the focus of his obsession is his closest companion, his sister. She's so loving and affectionate, which he just can't tolerate right now. Thankfully she has been far more patient about his revulsion of her than either I or Kevin have been. I feel like my life is just spinning wildly right now. I've already seen his pediatrician about it and she was very reassuring and understanding, and has referred us to another specialist. But here I wait for them to call me back to schedule an appointment while this little boy is unraveling right before my eyes. I pray that we can get help for him soon, for his sake and ours. I've been doing some reading about it and I know it's fairly common and that there successful therapies to help. It's just hard. I'm also trying to line up some grief-therapy for him too, hoping that this will help lessen his anxiety.
I know you all have been very kind and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. Please continue to do so when you have a spare moment. I need strength and patience. Actually, I think we all do. =)
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6 comments:
Oh Sandy. This is so hard. I'm sorry to hear how your son is reacting to this. How scary. Little children just don't grasp the concept of death well. My niece was about your son's age when my grandmother died. After the funeral my sister explained everything to her and my nephew and told them that sometimes people bring flowers to the cemetary and asked if they would like to. My niece said "Grandma doesn't like flowers, she likes french fries." So that's what they brought to the cemetary. Still, my niece kept expecting Grandma to come back. Eventually she became frightened of Grandma "coming back." She couldn't sleep, had a hard time going to school... it was rough. With time and lots and lots of gentle discussion about it, she grew to understand. It took time, but she healed.
Your son will heal, too. I think it's excellent that you're seeking help for him because that will expedite his healing.
I am praying for all of you. Keep us posted as you can to his progress. He's such a little guy to be having such a big problem. My heart breaks for you and him. {{{HUG}}}
thinking and praying for you all...
Sandy, I have been remembering you in my prayers, but now I can pray more specifically (although God already knew of course :O)
Please keep us posted. I hope this new doctor will be able to help your son quickly and easily - it's got to be so hard on all of you.
Thanks for updating us. I am so sorry for all you've gone through this past month. I'm sure with dealing with everyone else, you haven't had much grieving time yourself. I sure hope you get your son some help soon. I don't know why it takes doctors so long sometimes to call back. I will keep praying for you guys. If there's anything specific I can do, please don't hesitate to ask.
Your son is probably reacting in his own way to all the stress and grief around him. Even though we try to keep our sadness from our children, they are very intuitive and pick up on these types of feelings. Although it is always good to seek a professional opinion, I would bet that once you all get back into a routine, his behavior will slowly get back to normal. Our thoughts and prayers are with you...time is really a friend in these matters...
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