Thursday, March 13, 2008
perspective
Regrettably, after receiving referral information for a darling little child, Kevin and I discussed all aspects of this particular situation at great length and both agree that due to some important considerations that this is not the right child for us.
Can I be any more vague than that?
I suppose most blogging prospective adoptive parents may not even mention the referrals they have to deny for health, economic, personal or other reasons. Perhaps I was too hasty in mentioning that we even had a message on our answering machine. The news was sudden and we were unprepared. But the good news is that we will probably be traveling to Russia soon. And we have an agency with a fantastic director and staff, that I am confident have the best interests of their clients and the waiting children at heart.
I am sad that we had to pass on this referral, but knowing that Kevin and I felt the same way is encouraging. We want to go to Russia with excitement and anticipation, not with worry that we might be making another dead-end first trip. With two little ones at home, the first trip (not to mention the second and third trips) is not an easy endeavor. And after our last trip to Ekaterinburg, I need to have more than 50% confidence that it's going to go well.
I keep thinking back to the book I recently read by Theresa Reid, Two Little Girls. At the time that I read it, it knocked the wind out of me, but now after re-reading the preface and ending, I have drawn great encouragement from it, and it has given me a perspective that is helping me through this process. I feel I have more patience and steadfastness. Reid comments on the added difficulty of the adoption process, that adoptive parents have to make choices regarding the children they adopt. It doesn't seem fair or easy.
So we continue to wait. And have faith that we will be confident enough to make the right decision when the time comes.
Can I be any more vague than that?
I suppose most blogging prospective adoptive parents may not even mention the referrals they have to deny for health, economic, personal or other reasons. Perhaps I was too hasty in mentioning that we even had a message on our answering machine. The news was sudden and we were unprepared. But the good news is that we will probably be traveling to Russia soon. And we have an agency with a fantastic director and staff, that I am confident have the best interests of their clients and the waiting children at heart.
I am sad that we had to pass on this referral, but knowing that Kevin and I felt the same way is encouraging. We want to go to Russia with excitement and anticipation, not with worry that we might be making another dead-end first trip. With two little ones at home, the first trip (not to mention the second and third trips) is not an easy endeavor. And after our last trip to Ekaterinburg, I need to have more than 50% confidence that it's going to go well.
I keep thinking back to the book I recently read by Theresa Reid, Two Little Girls. At the time that I read it, it knocked the wind out of me, but now after re-reading the preface and ending, I have drawn great encouragement from it, and it has given me a perspective that is helping me through this process. I feel I have more patience and steadfastness. Reid comments on the added difficulty of the adoption process, that adoptive parents have to make choices regarding the children they adopt. It doesn't seem fair or easy.
So we continue to wait. And have faith that we will be confident enough to make the right decision when the time comes.
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8 comments:
you know we have all been there. It never gets any easier to have to decline a child, but you know what you are prepared to handle and what is best for your family. Hugs.
M is right. We've been there. I had to turn down a referral for a little girl in Tyumen right after I lost Peanut. I knew I couldn't provide for her medical needs sufficiently. My current agency often told me that adopting a child that you know you aren't the best fit for is a disservice to that child. They deserve the family that can give them what they need.
Oh wow! Sounds like you made the right decision for your family. And that is what is important. Recently Dave and I were made aware of a baby that had some issues. It wasn't with our agency so it was easy to just say no not right now, but those are the times that make us really not like this process. No one should ever have to say no to a child. But unfortunately (or fortunately) we get that opportunity a bit too often.
How exciting that they are moving so quickly though. Have you thought about taking the kids with you on one of the trips?
Praying for you often.
well, there you go. if you both aren't feeling this is right, waiting is the best thing.
but maybe not for too much longer... :)))
much love!
We know too how hard it is to turn down a child. You have to do what is best for your family.
good luck. That is wonderful that you may be travelling soon.
L
yes, this is so difficult and sometimes made harder when others know that you have a decision to make. i was comforted talking about referrals with adoption friends (because most of them got it) but not with friends & family because they were eager for us to get a referral but didn't appreciate the challenges we could face depending on the situation.
after turning down a few referral options, we decided not to say ANYTHING until we decided yes (even to close family members) and to everyone else until a few days before we were traveling.
and i kept reminding myself that having the option of saying "no" to a referral either pre-travel or while in Russia was the reason why we chose Russia.
hang in there/
feel free to call if you ever want to chat --- especially since we share the same agency.
I can absolutely understand your decision. It sounds, though, as if things may come pretty soon for you. This is wonderful news. I'm glad you've shared what little bit you could with us.
I think it is exciting that you are moving again in the process and that you may travel soon. You have been through a lot and need to feel peace in every decision you make. The right one will come along.
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