What IS it?

This weekend we had dinner over at our friends' house. Their son is a year older than C and K and was also adopted from Russia when he was about a year old. Now that the years have passed, the difference in age (although only a year) has disappeared and he and the twins really enjoy spending time together. His mom, HM, is one of my closest friends and has been a major support to me through M's adoption and time home. I love her because every time I sit down to vent about some funky thing that M is doing she says, "Vladdie did that" or "That sounds a lot like Vlad at that age." This gives me great comfort because Vlad, although still experiencing some challenges with regard to his first year in an orphanage, is doing spectacularly. I credit HM and her husband because they are amazing parents: patient, kind, and continually going the extra mile to make sure that Vlad gets all the help that he needs. They are great role models. I am blessed to have them in our lives.


So, one example of commonality that M is going through right now is her sensitivity to certain clothes. She gets used to certain clothes and then when you try to get her into something different we have a battle, then she screams like she's dying, then about 10 minutes later (if you can keep her from ripping the clothes off) she forgets about what she's wearing and she's fine. (That's because I'm a stubborn $%^&*... uh mama.) HM said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Oh yeah, we hated the season changes because Vlad would freak out. When we put him in shorts he would scream, 'My legs are showing! My legs are showing!'" Well, that's M, yanking down her leggings to make sure that no skin is showing. Yanking on her short sleeves because, dammit, they should be down to her wrists. Sometimes I give in, when we just need to make forward progress through the day. Other times when I'm not so pressed for time I help her work through it. I'm going to have to save some time to get her into that Easter dress I just ordered for her.


Another example is that she's hyperactive. Vlad was in constant motion too. When M is feeling good (i.e. not sick) she's in constant motion. Running through the house, hopping up and down, sometimes beating her chest. She is a sensory-seeker. She likes to put stuff in her mouth, particularly her thumb. The pica (mouthing objects ) has thankfully slowed down. Sand and dirt-eating has pretty stopped as of last year. Putting grass and leaves in her mouth is still a problem although it's not as severe. It's interesting because she likes foods that have a lot of flavor. Olives, grapefruit, bacon, pickles, salad dressing. And she likes crunchy food. She'll eat potato chips but hates potatoes otherwise... too soft or perhaps too familiar to that mashed potato soup she would get everyday for lunch in the orphanage.


So what should I think? I think it's encouraging to hear that Vlad experienced many of the things that M is experiencing now, and that he came through them to be a successful, happy boy doing well in school, sports and forming friendships. I think M has some deeper learning issues that he probably didn't experience. And now, after 2 years of ABA, I am at the point of wondering if her issues are just institutional autism+learning disabilities or if she truly did have classic autism. I don't know if I trust the experts' diagnosis because autism can be a convenient catch-all, especially for those unfamiliar with post-institutionalized children. On the other hand, maybe it's a sign of great progress for M that I am even asking these questions. Maybe, just maybe, it means that she is 'recovering' from her autism. I'm not sure. I'm just happy that she is becoming a more engaged and loving little girl!

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