One Month Past

January is done.

Throughout January I have watched how grief has affected my son. For him, at age 5, it does not come in waves of sadness, but other emotions and effects. He's gone through rages, super-sensitivity, regressing to putting everything in his mouth, depression, and much anxiety. But everyday I see him getting a little happier too. And little more tolerant of his sister. A little more willing to do his schoolwork. A little wilder and carefree around the house. He's starting to cope, as we have really tried to keep things on an even keel for the past few weeks.

We started grief counseling a week and a half ago with the two kids. They seem to enjoy the time with their therapist because she lets them play for the whole hour while she asks them questions. I don't understand therapy. I guess it's a process. I am so goal-oriented that I expect that you should dump all your problems on the therapist, they tell you what you're doing wrong or what you're not doing, you change and everything's fixed. But I guess it's not like that.

Yesterday I spoke with another therapist whom we will be consulting with for C's anxiety issues. She said the main goal for younger patients is to work with the whole family to reduce stress in the child's life. Perhaps this will be a wake-up call for my parenting skills. (Most likely.) I think the past few weeks we have really been trying to reduce the stress around here by keeping a routine (or my sorry attempt at it), but there are some moments when my frustration rings out loud and clear. I'm looking forward to finding out how to improve! I'm learning how to parent without one of my co-parents now.

Routine. I've never really had one. I fear losing spontaneity, because it's fun! But I see my kids already complaining that they hate homework and they hate school. All this complaining in kindergarten! I can't believe it! But their teacher says that the work is getting harder. The kids say they would rather stay home and play with me. I'm flattered, but I think what really needs to happen is that I need to structure the days so that they have playtime, schooltime, etc. I also need to get them to bed on time and then get them up earlier in the morning. They are spoiled too. Sigh. Does anyone have any recommendations for routines for little ones in kindergarten?

I am getting started on the process of settling my grandmother's estate. It's very long and involved. A friend is helping me get some of the paperwork started and we went to the court last week to submit our petition for probate. It was just like submitting documents for Russia, except for one thing. There were cut-and-paste typos on a couple of the forms and the clerk simply used some whiteout and corrected with pen. What a happy moment! However, we still missed a checkbox so we have to go back today and file an amendment. What a hassle.

I went surfing this week! I only went out for half an hour, but it was long enough. I haven't been out since last May. Boy am I out of shape. I could hardly stand up on the board. But I was so thrilled that I finally made the effort.

In summary, things are calming down. C's anxiety is a little less pronounced. We are finding help for him. The probate process has begun. And I am slowly slipping in a little time for me. Now for a good weekend!

Secret blog pal, thank you for the book you sent. I do appreciate it!