Itchin' for spring

The redwoods are very dark and oppressive this time of year. I went for a walk yesterday and upon returning home I found myself counting the trees I wanted to cut down to let in the sun. Our trees are very dense since they are second-growth redwoods... basically a handful of suckers that grew from each original tree that was cut down. Some suckers grew to their full height (and continue to grow!), while many others have been stuck under the canopy of the taller trees, subsequently bushing out and blocking the remaining light from shining through. I'm ready for spring. And a chainsaw.

A couple of weekends ago we took the kids up to the snow for the weekend. The weather was spectacular! Kev and I dropped the kids off at ski school at Alpine Meadows, and then headed off to try out our new skis. I am pleased with the skis, although the boots still killed my shins at the end of the day. Hopefully there's a break-in period.

Yikes! Hold on K.

Good boy, hand on the chair.

K and C have mastered the snowplow and are now doing S turns. (They also feel comfortable enough to gather and throw snowballs while plummeting downhill.)

The next day we went to a sledding hill at the place where we stayed and spent the whole day sledding. The hill was groomed nice and wide, with a little lip at the top that dropped you onto the slope. I swear, I have never been happier... I love sledding! Kev and I had a snowball fight with the kids and I was falling-down laughing I was so happy. That's what a good two days of sunshine, fresh air and exercise will do for a soul.



On the adoption front...

We had our meeting with the psychiatrist on Valentine's Day. Happily, he pronounced us sane and capable of being parents. I picked up the last bit of paperwork I am responsible for the next day. I am still waiting for our updated Home Study and supporting documentation from the Home Study agency, and then I'm off to Sacramento for apostilles. I want to get it all sent in as soon as possible, but on the other hand I'm tempted to drag my feet a little bit because we have vacation plans for Easter break that I really don't want to disturb. Who am I kidding? Can a whole dossier be translated, sent to a region and invitation to travel sent out in a month's time? In Russia? nyet.

Nevertheless, as we get closer to traveling, I realize that this process is again transitioning out of my control, and I'm getting a bit anxious. I remember how freaked out I was about being so far away from C and K, and that's starting again. Also, the uncertainty of meeting the child, and being able to start some bonding, having some faith that it will all work out. I realize that there are things I can do to make these easier. Last time, when preparing for traveling I spent a great deal of time studying Russia, but not a lot of time getting my head into the space of "new child". Last night I started reading some of the adoption books I had stashed away, realizing that I DO actually need them, even though I am already a parent. I'd like to get my head around many of the issues we may face, so that my heart can embrace them too. I'd never put too much thought into the idea of being paper-pregnant but I am now finding that more preparation (and a change of mindset) for the first trip is necessary; wishful thinking is good but it won't carry you through the tough times on its own.

Despite the fear and doubt that hits me in the evenings when I am especially tired, each morning I wake up and realize that adopting is what I want to do, and it's the right thing to do. But the fear has a tendency to overshadow the good in this, and I have to really work hard to remember what we all have to gain from our endeavors.

As far as the fear of traveling away from C and K, I'm not sure what to do... valerian tea? drugs? prayer? put my worries in my worry box until later? Any advice?

I could also use some book recommendations... I know there's a book highly recommended about attachment, but I can't remember the name. I'll have to check out Debbie's and Jennefer's collection. Jennefer just posted a good list of attachment activities.