Thursday, April 15, 2010
Some honest blogging
A dear friend of mine is starting a new blog: The Honest Mom Blog. Her writing is witty and engagingly honest. Please send some page hits over her way.
On the home front, with all the turmoil brewing due to the recent returned adoptee story, I feel the writing juices starting to flow, even to just explain how our adoption hasn't been all peas and peaches. I don't have the time at the moment, but I hope that very soon I can get something out here in the bit bucket. Suffice it to say, our journey hasn't been easy, and while I believe that Artyom's adoptive mother acted wrongly, I sympathize with her and the despair she must have felt as she became so overwhelmed that she made that very regrettable decision. I have felt despair too. And I knew, thank God, that when that 6 month point came around, that we would be going through some of the hardest times ever. At six months I was wondering why M and I weren't bonding, why didn't I have this amazing love for my newest daughter yet, why was she avoiding us and not making eye contact? Why would she squirm and struggle to get away if we tried to engage her or teach her something? Only one month later we were told she might have autism. Now that was a healthy dose of despair.
That was a year ago. But I had decided that despite whether I felt like I loved her, I WOULD love her. And finally, just in the past two weeks, she's been giving us real hold-on tight hugs. It only took one and a half years! So our bonding has been an ongoing, very slow process. None of this love at first sight business for us.
Hang in there if you're having a tough time. Some of the adoption stories are hard to read and not everyone has a happy ending. But you have to have hope. And one of the best things you can do is keep a journal and write down the positive progress. It doesn't even have to be every day. But that's what got me through that really low period. That, and margaritas with my good friend V.
I guess I did have a few words in me tonight.
On the home front, with all the turmoil brewing due to the recent returned adoptee story, I feel the writing juices starting to flow, even to just explain how our adoption hasn't been all peas and peaches. I don't have the time at the moment, but I hope that very soon I can get something out here in the bit bucket. Suffice it to say, our journey hasn't been easy, and while I believe that Artyom's adoptive mother acted wrongly, I sympathize with her and the despair she must have felt as she became so overwhelmed that she made that very regrettable decision. I have felt despair too. And I knew, thank God, that when that 6 month point came around, that we would be going through some of the hardest times ever. At six months I was wondering why M and I weren't bonding, why didn't I have this amazing love for my newest daughter yet, why was she avoiding us and not making eye contact? Why would she squirm and struggle to get away if we tried to engage her or teach her something? Only one month later we were told she might have autism. Now that was a healthy dose of despair.
That was a year ago. But I had decided that despite whether I felt like I loved her, I WOULD love her. And finally, just in the past two weeks, she's been giving us real hold-on tight hugs. It only took one and a half years! So our bonding has been an ongoing, very slow process. None of this love at first sight business for us.
Hang in there if you're having a tough time. Some of the adoption stories are hard to read and not everyone has a happy ending. But you have to have hope. And one of the best things you can do is keep a journal and write down the positive progress. It doesn't even have to be every day. But that's what got me through that really low period. That, and margaritas with my good friend V.
I guess I did have a few words in me tonight.
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3 comments:
Good mama, you.
Thanks, Sandy, for the very kind words. It *is* important to have hope and determination to be a good mom. That and good friends like you...and an ample supply of white russians and boston sidecars. :)
One day at a time just one day at a time is how you get through. I have learned that but like you we are making it and are becoming more and more of a family.
Not that it is easy but what in life is. Love does come.
-Lisa
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