A little bit of what's been going on....

We've taken the last couple of months to give the master bedroom and bathroom a tuneup. Kevin and I are going to move downstairs from the attic to be closer to the kids.

It took more than a month for this tile to come in. I am so glad I waited... I can't stop looking at it. It's gorgeous! The picture doesn't do it justice.

I guess this has been a project that has been a sort of therapy for me. It's something different to think about, and the room and bath needed the update.

New doors to the back. C and K's room has been updated too with a new window and paint that is NOT white. I'll get some pictures and put them in here tomorrow. We painted the baby's room a two-toned pink because we thought K will probably move in there. And this leads to a mental/emotional dilemma... should we keep the crib and changing table in there for now? What should we do? Sigh. I think when the construction is done (hopefully the first week of July) then my mind will be clearer. I felt like I had to just get things rearranged at home. When C was freaking out about K I thought giving him his own room might help. Now it's a non-issue except that K really wants the pink room. We'll have to get her a bed with a trundle so that C can "sleep over". He'll have a bunk for her (the bottom, of course).

If we go back to Russia I have a whole dossier to update, including the home study. I don't quite have the energy yet for that. Nor for chasing down doctors that won't hardly give you the time of day, let alone an appointment for a signature. Uh oh... I just read that there is movement toward the accreditations... what to do?

Kevin is following a lead that may take us in the direction of domestic adoption. I'm trying not to get too hopeful, but we'll see if it goes somewhere. I'm not sure what to think about it... we originally wanted to avoid domestic adoption because of the risks involved with the mother changing her mind, plus we were wary of an open adoption. The private domestic adoptions were strange because you practically advertise yourself for a baby, and wait in line. But then, isn't that how it turned out waiting for an infant girl in Russia? Part of this process is watching all my preconceptions get tossed out the window, and reevaluating what my motivations are. A large part of what drove me in this process, frankly, was my desire to have the closest thing to the biological child I couldn't have myself. There. I said it.

But really deep down I still want to be a mother to another child! I want to share what we have and give another child something good to get them started in this life... our love, our family, our attention. And I am opening up to who that child might be. Is this still my battle with infertility? (I can't let it win, I just can't!) When do you give up and move on?

But right now I am appreciating my blessings. My two beautiful children, my loving husband and devoted father of my children (Happy Father's Day!), a safe community to live in, caring friends and family, and the trees. The birds wake me in the morning with their beautiful singing, and my garden keeps on growing. I am thankful for these things.